My mom had no self-esteem or family/friend support. The few times she told others about how my father beat us all to a pulp, the Witness ones remarked tough luck. Killing someone is not adultery. I screamed at her about it. She infuriated me with her blind acceptance. I all too readily see the low standards I accept knowing I am worth more. I was very judgmental. In fact, she is what is termed as a covert abuser. The active abuser cannot abuse without the support of the covert abuser.
She took him to court before I was born. The judge remakred how dangerous he was b/c he did not flinch before the judge. His penis gave me a right from Jehovah. The shame was enormous. YOu feel you did something wrong. She worked in contravention of what the brothers said. Altho she earned far more than he did, she turned over her entire paychecks. We did not have food at one point.
She was expelled from school at fourteen b/c of flag salute. Where was she going to find a role model for herself? I was the catalyst. Many times I felt that I was her mother. I wrote to a mag and got help. She cooperated. Her big thing was reacting rather than acting which is the norm for abuse victims. I was hyper critical. Even sexual abuse being warned about did not stop her support. She despised him more than we did.
He died when I was sixteen. It was the first time in my entire life I could breathe. She never looked people in the eye and rarely conversed. One year later, she was a different person, outgoing and gregarious. With a daughter who wanted reparations. No one support me or loved me more than she did. As I grew, I did nutsy, irrational things. The agency forced her to apologize. Before she died, she apoligized sincerely and it was no victory for me. Her actions for the rest of my life showed her guilt over what happened. She did the best she could under circumstances I never had to face. I stopped throwing stones.
I became and remain an ardent feminist. As Margaret Mead told us and we did not want to hear it, women are hobbled by their biology. Men don't bear and nurture children. Altho women can do the vast majority of jobs men can, there remains a segment where female strength is nothing compared to male strength. Indeed, the NYC fire dept was ordered to admit any women who passed an objective test. It was more than a decade before a woman could be found to pass the test. We tend to stay and advocate for children more than men.
Even today, societal messages give women a second class status. Watch old I Love Lucy reruns to see how sick the culture was. Within my lifetime only, the Ivy League became coed. Women were not allowed to serve on juries or hold property separately if married. Any child over four or five, the father automatically received custody. A pink ghetto remains where comparable jobs are paid last.
I believe empowering women would be the end of the Watchtower. Their self hatred is evident. Having a penis may be nice but it does not confer power or competence. They demote themselves to bite into this paternal system. The govt's main task to stop the Taliban's in fluence was to educate women. Many parts of the world it is illegal for women to learn to read.
It annoys me greatly when American women put down feminism. I say- leave all the benefits it gave you. Of course, when inside the org, how is any woman going to see that her ideas and actions are as valid as those of any man. It is very sad. The surfeit of brothers is another problem. Men are not attracted to this crazy reason. Woman can be masochistic. Other women are keen competition to marry the very few brothers present.
Ordinary joes who are nice and kind will not want nothing of this cult. It has to attract insecure men. These men have none of the trappings that attract women in general. I find the men emasculated in many ways. To compensate, they put women down. IMO.
