Is this a bad thing?

sinis

Been married for almost two decades now, and still luvs the woman!! Anyways, her and her family had a trip planned to a theme park this weekend, out of state. I have known about it for a while and used work as an excuse not to go. I do have some legit work, and need to catch up, but really I don't like going to this theme park, were just there last year, and plus I really need some time to myself to get the house organized and finish up some projects without the honeydo's taking precedence every weekend. I did, in a way tell my spouse I did not want to go, and that I was swamped at work, etc. Now I feel kind of guilty. She is going with her family so it should be fine. I don't know how to explain it. Was it such a bad thing not to go?

sizemik

Not such a bad thing IMO sinis. I'm closing in on 3 decades and wifey trots off with the IL's occasionally on her own . . . and I don't even need a reason. She knows I will join them most times but not always. When the kids were younger we tended to do everything together as a family but not always now. Having time on my own occasionally is something I enjoy . . . could be an age thing. Spending time apart occasionally is a sign of a healthy relationship too, I believe.

BTW . . . how's life as a non-smoker?

sinis

Hey, thanks! I was starting to feel guilty as we pretty much do everything together. Lately, though, I have been tired and need a rest, mentally and physically. I just don't want to have to get up at the crack of dawn, wait in line for each ride for an hour or so, go back to the hotel in the evening with my feet feeling like hamburger...

The non smoking thing actually feels pretty good, can breath now and don't feel lethargic. I actually started using Snus, and although it is a tobacco product - still love the nicotine :) I'm suprised that one pouch will basically last me all day, at max I use two pouches and the can (15 per can) will literally last a week. Probably not healthy either but I'm sure its better than smoking. Plus I don't leave the pouch in my mouth non stop. I will stick it in for a few minutes, take it out and save it for later.

sizemik

I'm going through the giving up roller-coaster . . . back to 20/day and planning the next assault. I'm starting to disbelieve the "swapping one habit for another is a waste of time" as BS now . . . cold turkey is too likely to result in cold failure for me. If you can swap an extreme addiction for a less extreme addiction your putting yourself in a better position IMO . . . and less likey to go back. Staged withdrawal is going to be my new strategy . . . nicotine substitutes and slow phasing out.

sinis

I agree!! You should try the snus, its actually pretty good - the mint from marlboro. COld turkey is hard. Even though I did it I still had a craving for nicotine. It seems to be working. My wife actually loves that my body does not smell and my breath is minty fresh!!

Rocky_Girl

My girlfriend and her hubby go on little vacations without each other all the time. I think I traveled with her more than he did over the last year. I think it's pretty healthy to have separate interests and plans.

Aussie Oz

No, it's a good thing as long as you dont tell fibs to get space

relationships need space

the key is communication right from the start if possible... Wife and i do a lot together but we also have our solo pursuits that dont interest the other and its fine.

oz

nugget

Providing she is happy to go with family then it is not an issue. Being married does not mean you are joined at the hip and it is natural to want to do different things. When I was first married I couldn't understand people who wanted to spend time appart but now 23 yrs later I totally get it.

Believe me there is nothing worse than trying to jolly on someone who doesn't want to be there she will be able to relax and have fun and come home exhausted but happy. I would suggest having a nice meal and flowers waiting for her when she comes home to show her you missed her.

RagingBull

It'll be okay. You didn't really lie since you WILL BE doing some work. I do the same things sometimes. While she's away, I'll clean up...do work that I need to get done....watch some R-Rated movies, you know.. "guy stuff!"

sinis

I didn't lie per se. I didn't want to hurt her feelings, and I think she knows I really did not want to go. She wished me goodbye, told her to have fun, and she asked if I was going to clean up, and get an older vehicle running so as to sell so I can get her a newer vehicle. Told her yes, and she seemed happy. When we rented the car last night she originally got a smaller vehicle, I talked to the guy behind the counter and because they were so slow he agreed to upgrade the rental to an SUV (very nice and more roomy) for like 10 bucks more. I think that made her day. I am taking some time off after she gets back and we will do some fun things around town or short day trips out of town. Will have some flowers and diner ready when she returns, probably will take her out. Marriage is interesting and time away is healthy. I guess I got that JW mentality still left over where mates stick to each other like glue - probably the reason many get divorced or have crappy marriage as the trust factor went out the door.

Thanks for sharing.

Is this a bad thing?

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