by watersprout 14 Replies latest jw friends
It takes a long time to shake that "I should be doing something" feeling that JW's are plagued with. Not having to get dressed, or rush out, or pack a bag, or find nylons without a snag, or wake up early, or call a study, or prepare for meeting is the equivalent of a warm bath to me. When I get that edgy feeling and realize I'm fine I have nothing to do I just sigh and sink back. It's wonderful.
NC
I wonder if other born ins don't have that same problem like me. I didn't have that feeling that I should be doing something. It was like flipping on a switch. Maybe I'm just lazy, lol
I did have that experience, dear WS (the greatest of love and peace to you!), but I think it was actually compounded... by the fact that I am (1) a mother, and (2) a woman. Those three (the two PLUS having been a JW)... wreaked havoc on my body. Like dear Syl (peace to you!) said, I am paying for it now. I remember telling my kids to "hurry up" and eat their dinner... or, if I was late from work... making then wait until after meetings. After about 6-8 years of that, I learned to work out my work schedule in order to be home early to take care of that... even get everyone ready without too much rush. But... I HATED even having to do it.
Again, though, compounded with being a mom and a woman [of the western world]... which naturally adds a sense of "rushing" to virtually everything!... and coupling all that with the WTBTS "guilt-machine"... I do not wonder that so many JW women are on anti-depressants. The WTBTS lives in that old Pauline, "women should be workers at home" mentality, which has absolutely nothing to do with the world we live in today... or the teachings of Christ. That most of the leaders were old codgers born just after the turn of the last century, trying to maintain a Russell-like imitation of the Amish, while not actually BEING Amish, is partly to blame. That the organization is rife with men who suffer from low self-esteem, both personally and professionally, contributes greatly - they need to be "king" of their own little "castles"... as well as eliminate any feeling of "competition" in their households (which often arises when a woman works).
The WTBTS expectations of "sisters" over the last 30 years or so, however, just weren't and aren't realistic - life is NOT as "simple" as it "used" to be "in the old days"... whether during Christ's time OR since the turn of the last century. This is NOT the "old days", not by a long shot. Heck, just buying groceries is a major feat, for some. It is for me - I HATE the grocery store... along with plethora of other "errands" that a wife, mom, woman, and "sister" has to keep up with today.
Heck, I'm exhausted just thinking about it all.
Good post. Thanks for bringing it up!
Again, peace to you!
Your servant, sister, and fellow slave of Christ,
SA
P.S. And yep, I still rush about... although MUCH slower since my surgery...
Thank you everyone for your replies!
Syl and Shel... I really don't want to end up causing my body and mind to shut down and bite me on the ass... I'm desperately trying to ''wind'' down and enjoy relaxing. I'm hoping that with time I will enjoy relaxing and not worry about what I should be doing. I tend to be in my world most of the time anyway, and I have a habit of leaving my belongings everywhere. I left my handbag in the pub a couple of weeks ago and one of the staff chased me outside with it. Most of my things are at other peoples houses. Lol. My sister and mom have to do a house sweep before I leave as I always leave something. I think that's because I'm too busy worrying about what I'v got yet to do and I'm not living in the moment and enjoying what life has to offer me at that VERY moment.
My weight is soo low because I burn the food I eat as I'm eating. I'm convinced it's because I'm pumping adrenaline due to being wired. I can lose half a stone in a matter of days if I become anxious.
To be honest I am sitting on the setee and thinking about what to make to eat. Lol
d... I enjoyed ready your vent. We all need a release otherwise our brains would implode.
Peace
I do not feel the need to 'rush about' anymore. I am a born-in that was running at full throttle for a long time (21 years appointed) and busy before that as a teenager. Am still 'in' to an extent (wife and kids, in-laws, etc) but no longer care if I am late for a meeting or just plain don't make it there.
Finally, I have a little peace that increases each day...
