Friday Fun Post
by OnTheWayOut 27 Replies latest jw friends
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OnTheWayOut
For your summer road trips -
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OnTheWayOut
I'm afraid to ask what the "C" stands for :
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talesin
What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.
How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.
How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he's concerned with is legs, breasts, and thighs.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
ONE......He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.
What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
Any place without a drive-up window.
What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost in space, the woman will ask for directions.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?
Exchange him.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.
What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man?
Big Foot's been spotted several times.
What's the smartest thing a man can say?
"My wife says...."
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one-liners?
So men can understand them.
Why did God create man before woman?
Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
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talesin
equal opportunity jokes
It's a Man's World
How many men does it take to open a beer?
- None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
- Because a woman who can't afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
- It allows them to stand closer to the sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
- She starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
How do you fix a woman's watch?
- It doesn't matter. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men break wind more than women?
- Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
- The dog. He'll shut up once you let him in.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
- A woman that won't do what she's told.
I married Miss Right.
- I just didn't know her first name was Always.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months!
- I don't like to interrupt her.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by up to 90%.
- It's called wedding cake.
Marriage is a three ring circus:
- Engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering.
My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
- I said, "Dust!"
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman.
- Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
Why do men die before their wives?
- They want to.
A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds section with the heading "Wife Wanted."
- The next day he received a hundred letters saying "You can have mine."
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sizemik
Toilet Humour
For your summer road trips
