Funniest Thing to happen during a meeting?

by truthseeker1969 22 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

• 

  Mary

  Well some of the funniest moments I recall were instigated by yours truly. Here they are:

  1. The WT study article had pictures of alot of famous 'political' buildings and the conductor wanted them all named. So people were answering "the Red Square in Russia" and "the Parliment Building in London, England", etc. For some reason, no one except me could correctly identify the Capitol Building in Washington so I put up my hand and said "that's the Capitol building in Washington, DC." The conductor was a chauvanistic asshole and I guess it bugged him that a mere woman knew the answer so he said to me "how do you know it is?!" So I replied: "My daddy told me." (I was probably about 25 at the time). Everyone laughed and he quickly moved on.

  2. Another time the PO was conducting the WT study and one of the questions was along the lines of: 'Name something that has changed in the Organization over the the years.' He saw me with a big grin on my face but asked me anyway and I said "Well years ago we used to be able to elect our elders but now you can't. I think we should go back to doing that." Everyone burst out laughing including the PO. That was hilarious.

  3. Our dickhead of an CO was visiting and at the beginning of his 'special talk' he opened up with the line: "Who was Ahab?" I whispered to my mom "Didn't he kill Moby Dick?" Well my poor mom was trying not to laugh, but couldn't help herself. She'd be silently laughing, then I'd start, then she'd stop and then start up again 5 minutes later. Finally after about 1/2 an hour she had to get up and go in the bathroom!" LMAO!

  4. The funniest was one night we had the Bookstudy at the Hall and a Hillbilly Dub family walked in late. As usual. There was the father, his gimpy 11 year old son, and his two Frankenstein-like daughters in tow. The father was notorious for falling asleep at the meetings, and even fell asleep at his frigging daughter's wedding. Anyway, I turned around at one point and he was smacking the one daughter for something, and trying to pull the one fat-ass daughter's arm over a chair, but she was letting her arm go limp and was too fat and he couldn't budge her so he just gave up. LOL!! I just rolled my eyes and tried not to laugh. About 15 minutes later I turned around again (sorry--the family was like a freak show--you couldn't help but look) and there they were: the son on the end of the row vigorously scratching his crotch, the one hideous daughter with a huge piece of toilet paper up her nose, the father fast asleep in the next chair and the other daughter with both fingers up her nose.

  I started laughing and laughing and the bookstudy conductor looked at me, then looked at the family and was trying not to laugh himself as he conducted. I laughed and laughed and finally got up to go in the bathroom. After the meeting, the conductor came up to me and said "Mary, I should've known better than to look over there."

  God that was hilarious!
• 

  burnedout

  One Elder was giving the local needs talk and says, 'Friends, this is a problem that we need to NIP IN THE BUTT!!!'
• 

  bigmac

  back in the late 60's

  one of the jamaican brothers (lovely man ) always over-ran his talk-time--had been counselled for it repeatedly

  bell goes at the end of his time in the ministry school--he ignores it

  two other bros get up on the stage & frog-march him off!!

  true--i saw it
• 

  exwhyzee

  From up in the stands my son saw a friend sitting in the seats down on the floor snoozing during the assembly session. He knew his phone was in his shirt pocket and set on vibrate, so he texted him " WAKE UP !!! " It was hilarious to see him jerk back to conciousness and scramble to get the phone shut off. Later when the coast was clear he read the text message and looked up into the stands and gave us the stink eye.
• 

  outsmartthesystem

  How about the chairman at the Sunday meeting thanking the brother that gave the public talk.....and thanking his mother for coming with him....only that wasn't his mother....it was his wife.

  Or Jesus riding on the ass of a colt instead of the colt of an ass
• 

  free2beme

  Elder fell to sleep and fell out of chair in to the aisle.

  Woman stood up in "Proper view of sex and marriage" talk and started asking elder what business he had to dictate a persons love life.

  Woman came in, in middle of Sunday talk, yelling to her former husband that he cheated on her and discribed what he did. "You let he suck your ****" and you "****ed her in the ass" and screamed all the way out the the parking lot. He was then, a ministerial servant. Happened in a congregation in Northern California. (Glad I witnessed that one, was a great day)

  Several more ....

  No smurfs walking out of Kingdom Halls though, but heard it was a regular event at some. Kind of wish I witnessed that though.
• 

  AndersonsInfo

  Over the years, this first story I'm going to relate has been posted somewhat inaccurately on the Internet and some people think it's just an urban legend, but the event actually took place in the congregation we attended in Brooklyn when we were in Bethel. (I don't know but maybe a similar experience has happened in another Kingdom Hall.) I've often wanted to post this one on JWN, but never took the time until today.

  My husband, Joe, and I were sitting down front in the KH in the third row during a Service Meeting. Joe was sitting in an isle seat right behind a very huge woman who we knew to be quite nervous because she was going to give an experience. This lady was so well-endowed that she couldn't see the toes on her feet even if her feet were super-sized jumbo! I could see her clearly from where I was sitting when she tried to wiggle out of her arm-chair to go to the platform. As she leaned forward to get out of the chair, a broach she was wearing caught on the short wig of the sister sitting in front of her. Being so intent on the experience she was about to give, and concentrating on getting herself out of the chair, she didn't know that a wig was hanging off of the large broach that was pinned to her large bosom as she turned toward the isle to make her way to the platform; nor did she hear the gasp the then wigless and shocked sister sitting in front of her made when her wig came off of her head and as she quickly put her hands over her pressed down and matted hair not knowing what else to do.

  All this took place within seconds and the few off us who saw what had happened sat there in amazement as our ponderous "sister" walked to the stage and up the two steps to the platform, all the time never noticing the short wig hanging off of her bosom. I poked Joe in the ribs and whispered to him what had just transpired because he couldn't see the "wig event" being she had her back to him when she leaned over. Most of the audience only saw her back as she walked slowly to the platform and up the stairs. However, when she got to an arm-chair and turned to try to wiggle into the chair where she was to wait until she was asked to speak, she looked down, and it was then that she saw what she thought was an animal attached to her bosom. She let out a few short screams as she feverishly tried to brush the hairy thing off of her chest. It took some seconds for the audience to realize what was going on but when they did, no one knew what to do. Finally, the MS overseer bounded up the stairs of the platform and quickly retrieved the wig off of the floor and gave it back to its owner in the audience. Then the very big woman began to laugh and everyone in the audience laughed until we all cried. After a few minutes, when we got ourselves under control, she gave a very brief experience, and grinning, she walked back to her seat. To this day, I have no recollection of what she said and I can still picture the whole event happening as it left an indelible imprint in my brain.

  Another experience: One time at a Brooklyn circuit assembly, the very, very prissy wife of a very self-important man in the Service Dept., a former district overseer, went to the Ladies Room. (She was sitting down in front in the auditorium and we were sitting in the back by an isle.) This woman was tall and slender and walked erectly exhibiting a kind of gracious air as she slowly walked up the isle. Well, since from where we were sitting we had a good view of her returning back to her seat after a few minutes, we saw the toilet paper. She didn't know she had gum on her shoe that stuck to toilet paper that trailed all the way back to the Lobby of the auditorium. Apparently, the toilet paper came off of a roll and kept unraveling until at a certain point it broke off. She never knew about the paper until an attendant went to where she was sitting and told her husband. Mind you, he told her husband, not her inasmuch as only a very mature spiritual man can handle such a problem, right? Well, the very important husband leaned over and saw the toilet paper stuck to his wife's shoe and told her. Her reaction was exactly as we knew it would be -- complete horror and mortification as the kids sitting in seats by the isle were snickering. She turned red and quickly left holding her hand over her mouth as the attendant gathered up the trail of paper. Many of us laughed quietly when we saw what was attached to her shoe knowing what her reaction would be like. What was running through our minds was, "Of all people to have this happen to!" Anyway, she never came back to her seat and no one we knew ever mentioned the toilet paper incident to her or her husband although after that assembly session was over, the younger Bethelites, plus us, who saw it all, laughed and laughed. If this had happened to anybody else but her, it wouldn't have been all that funny, but to have it happen to this uppity woman, it was kind of like, poetic justice, if you know what I mean.
• 

  SnakesInTheTower

  outsmartthesystem:

  thanking his mother for coming with him....only that wasn't his mother....it was his wife.

  My experience is the reverse: this happened to my mom.. I was the visiting speaker and my mom came with me. When the chairman, who did not know me at all, thanked me after I finished, he thanked "Brother Bailey and his wife" for coming to the congregation. This was a very small congregation, maybe 30 people there. A couple of people who knew me well snickered. Others had no clue.

  My mom, of course, was very pleased. The WT conductor was a good friend of mine. He knew better. Of course my mom answered often during the WT as she always does. So it was always "Sister Bailey." At the end, the WT conductor again thanked me, this time saying, "Again we thank Brother Bailey and his very young looking mother" for coming all this way (about an hour). That got a good laugh from those not in on the joke. My mom couldn't stop bragging about that for a bit.

  My mom is 67 and she still looks quite young. My brother posted a pic of her on FB the other day, I hadn't seen my mom in a year. My mom is still beautiful after all these years. My dad, he knew what he was doing. I wish he were still alive to see how well she is doing. (However, he might be pissed about me not being a JW anymore).

  I am sure I can think of other funny things that happened, just no time at the moment.

  Snakes (Rich )
• 

  Evidently Apostate

  one time, back when my brother and i were kids my mother dragged us to the meeting and sat between us. we were in the center of everyone and i had gas. i was about to excuse myself but first looked back to where the attendants sit because a few brothers in our old hall would intimidate me and my brother and follow us into the bathroom to make sure we were not talking to someone or goofing off and would follow us back to our seats like the assholes they were. i guess when your father is "worldly" they feel they can get away with anything, anyway i change my mind and try to hold it but the pressure just gets worse. i reached down to get something and RRRRIIIPPPP!! right during a silence i am waiting for a slap or pinch but as soon as i finished my brother looks at my mother and out loud says "MOM". I watched her turn red and grab him and carry him one armed toes barely touching the carpet dragging him to his destruction. but at least noone knew it was me.

  EA
• 

  exwhyzee

  One time a elementary school aged kid was sitting in front of me during the Sunday talk. He asked his Mom to let him get up and go to the bathroom. (typical kid ploy to break up the monotony)After an unusually long time back there, his mother went storming back to see what was taking him so long. The next thing I knew, the snotty wet crying kid was being dragged down the aisle by his collar and was flung into the seat in front of me. Apparently while he was in the bathroom he'd found a pair of scissors in the cabinet under the sink and had given himself a haircut. He had very dark hair and white skin. There were white gouges all over his head where the chunks of hair were missing. (even my Mom was snickering over this one)

  My Mom used to play the Piano for the meetings. We had arrived just as the meeting was about to start so she went straight up to the front, sat down at the piano and started taking her coat off. Suddenly she realized that in her haste to get ready, she'd forgotten to put on her dress and only had a slip on under her coat. She managed to play it off OK but we never let her live it down.