1) It will be discovered that Betty White is the Antichrist.
2) Scientists will find a way to capture a cows released methane, and it will be labeled as a beauty product called "Fartox" which will rid society of crow's feet.
3) A long lost Matisse painting will be found, presumably his last, titled "Le Poo Poo Finale" which was rumored to have been painted the day after after a visit to his favorite Mexican Restaurant located just one block from the Louvre.
4) Jay Leno's Chin will fall off after doing a rendition of Osama Bin Laden tap dancing to the tune of the opening title sequence to the Patty Duke show.
5) Anthony Weiner will resign from politics, only to be made spokesperson for Oscar Mayer's new release, which consists of a foot long hotdog with a big mushroom at the end.
I know these are kind of dumb, but I am in a weird mood tonight....
