My dad wont make it too much longer, advise/experiences needed (page 2)

Coffee House Girl

Jamie,

thanks for your thoughts too- yes I am trying to keep in mind my mom has been with dad for over 50 years- she will need my help through this and after the dust settles...I hope I can still continue this fade for her

CHG

Retrovirus

CHG, all my sympathies to you all. I'm glad your brother will be there and hope you get through this stressful time as painlessly as possible. It's great that your Dad and CSG got to meet.

The measures you took to get the elders to back off are still in place, and I hope they remember that and leave you and your family in peace.

"you better do something if you want to see him again in paradise" - OMG, just read this. Could anyone at all be so crass as to say such a thing? I most sincerely hope that doesn't happen.

Strenght and peace to you. . . Retro

GLTirebiter

I see Jamie's point. And since your dad's not really lucid and has already met CSG, that tips the scale in favor of not risking a confrontation. I'm glad you and your brother have each other for mutual support.

the only thing I want is to honor and respect my father and be there as a daughter for both of my parents- the rest of them can leave me alone

That's the right thing to do, and I hope they show the decency to leave you in peace.

TotallyADD

Just saw your thread. I am so sorry about your father. Your dad would want you there. This is were the WT Cult oversteps their authority. They have no business telling your family not to talk to you. Your dad has let your mother know his feelings on the matter. Show all of them your love for your father and go see him. The JW cult knows how to stiffle any natural love there is. Don't let them get the best of you. Show all of them who is the better person here. We are all behind you in whatever decision you make. Best wishes to you and sorrow for you father. Totally ADD

sizemik

CHG I'm sorry to hear you're facing this with the interference factor of this heartless religion in your face. They have no real idea of how their stupid rules and policies create such turmoil in families at times like this. Ignore it as best you can . . . the advice here is good isn't it?

Best wishes to you all in the coming days.

Reopened Mind

Coffee House Girl,

I am so sorry to hear of the situation you are facing with your father, made even more difficult by the stupid rules and interference of the cult. If you are only faded, no one has the right even from their cult standards to insist your mother shun you. Keep in mind that your mother is under the mind control of a destructive cult. Pity your mother. Unfortunatly you are witnessing the tearing apart of your family first hand. It is made worse for you by having to keep Coffee Shop Guy hidden, thus being denied much needed support in this difficult time for you.

Just before TotallyADD's father passed away two years ago, the family had one last reunion to say their good-byes. Included in the family gathering was a grandson who had been df'd for 20 years. We were all happy to see him and his new wife. We were able to keep this visit off the radar of the local congregation in which TotallyADD and his father were elders at the time.

Before TotallyADD's dad died his mom attended very few meetings and seldom went in field service. But since her husband's death she has become super theocratic. She also has some severe mental and emotional issues which has put a wall between her and us. We have gotten to the place where we cannot deal with her any more. Some in the local congregation are enabling her making it impossible to get her real help. So my plea to you is, please be aware of what may happen once your dad passes.

You say you are an hour away from your mom and dad. We moved a thousand miles away to be able to fade. Much good advice has been given here on how to get through the next few weeks and the impending funeral. Afterwards, make a good life for yourself and Coffee Shop Guy and don't look back.

My deepest sympathies,

Reopened Mind

coffee shop guy

Thank you all so much for your kind words of understanding and support for CHG. I have met her dad and he liked me and is happy that CHG is happy too.

It is very hard to not be there with CHG but I completely understand why me being there wouldn't be a good thing.

I've been through three family deaths of my own. My mom, dad and my daughter. The best thig I can do is comfort and engourage here at the home front. CHG will need to be there for her mom.

I blabbed on for a bit last night about my experiences and how there isn't a guidline or user manual to help answer all the questions. For those of us that have gone through it know the stresses and overwheming feeling of emptiness that will happen. That's where we all come in and hold her and encourage her. I love her so much and will do all I can to be there for her through this time.

Thank you all again for being here for us.

yours,

CSG

crazycate

I am so sorry about your dad. And I hope your mother will let you continue to be there for her. My sincere sympathies.

Coffee House Girl

Thanks all for your encouragement and sympathies, it brings me comfort to hear your thoughts and experiences, no matter what we do- we could cry scream and shout about the cycle of life but it doesn't change the ultimate outcome- I was successful in keeping peace today and holding in my anger in regards to situations I cannot control- (Coffee Shop Guy can babble any time )

Thanks for your support again JWN

CHG

Quandry

So sorry you are in this situation.

This short time available to you should be focused on your father and being with him, and being with your mother to provide strength and comfort.

This is not the time to discuss any "issues" the JWs have, and you need to let them know this, repeatedly if necessary. There will be plenty of time later for you to formulate plans for dealing with elders, etc., but no time left with dad. When the time has passed, you will be able to look back and know that you did all you could for your dad, and that is the important thing at this time. It does not matter what the words are that are said at the gravesite, just the fact that you are there to remember your dad and be a source of support for your family.

Do NOT get "sucked into" a religious discussion of any sort, no matter how hard anyone tries. You will leave frustrated, and will be giving them what they want, no matter how it comes out.

Wishing the best for you at a very difficult time.

My dad wont make it too much longer, advise/experiences needed

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