That's the question that I have been thinking about all day for some reason. It's 5:30 am and I been in and out of sleep all night. Let me go into further detail to explain. Last year at my dad's funeral at the hall I was in my seat seething. Not because of anything my dad did in life, but because the elder giving the talk didn't speak much about my dads likes or dislikes. Nothing about his personality or fond memories or tender moments in his life. Granted my dad had only been reinstated for about 8 months before he died and he wasn't well known in the congregation, but 90% of the talk was going to scriptures and disproving life after death i.e. Ecclesiastes 9:5 and about the resurrection hope John 5:28,29. He spoke about how my dad loved sharing his beliefs and hope with others, and talked about how he loved his children but not much else personally about him. Maybe I'm wrong in thinking that the funeral was a plant seeds session, but the funeral was 85% worldly and 15% witness. I felt bad that when I looked at my family they looked cool, calm and at peace and here I was trying not to be angry. Maybe I was being silly sitting there getting angry inside. The elder didn't know my dad very well and perhaps he was just filling in gaps the best way he knew how.....
Am I wrong for being angry at my dads funeral last year?
by shakyground 20 Replies latest jw friends
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Broken Promises
No, that's a standard funeral talk that the JWs give. The elders have to follow an outline and it's the same world-wide.
The first 5 mins is about the deceased, and the rest of the talk is basically a public talk of death and resurrection.
I'm sorry that you felt so angry, but unfortunately, what you experienced was not unusual.
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shakyground
Yea I was too young to remember my grandmothers funeral and my dads was the 2nd dub funeral Ive ever been to. I just thought there should've been more focus on my dads life. Other non jw funerals I've been to seen to focus more on the deceased persons life.
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jean-luc picard
My mother is aged. I am starting to ask myself if I will go to the service or just the graveside.
If I go to the service, I'll have to take something to keep me calm. I dont want to make a
scene but I know I'll feel just as you did.
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KW13
As people have already said, the Witnesses tend to focus on the 'truth' rather than the person. That said, the last two funerals i've been to at a Kingdom Hall have actually been somewhat balanced, which was suprising!
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transhuman68
Funeral Discourse
REMARKS REGARDING THE DECEASED (Use any that apply and are appropriate.)
Details regarding age, birth, when married, and so forth
By whom the deceased is survived
Dedication record, including privileges of service
Exemplary qualities displayed by the deceased (Eccl. 7:1)
THE HOPE THE DECEASED ENTERTAINED
Worshiped Jehovah, the God of wisdom, justice, love, power
Had faith in Jesus Christ (Acts 4:12)
Appreciated God’s purpose regarding earth (Gen. 1:28)
Sure to be realized (Isa. 11:9; 55:10, 11; Rev. 21:4)
Why good people die
Disobedience of Adam (Gen. 3:19; contrast with Genesis 2:7.)
Offspring inherited death (Rom. 5:12)
Condition of the dead
Soul is mortal (Ezek. 18:4, 20)
Dead are unconscious (Ps. 146:4; Eccl. 3:19; 9:5, 10)
The resurrection hope
Made possible by sacrifice of Jesus Christ (Matt. 20:28)
Christ’s resurrection a guarantee (1 Cor. 15:22, 23)
God uses Jesus to raise the dead (John 5:28, 29)
For the anointed, resurrection is to heavenly life (1 Cor. 15:51-54; Rev. 20:4, 6)
“Other sheep” resurrected to life in earthly Paradise (Luke 23:43; John 10:16)
Armageddon survivors can hope to see the deceased one again soon
Others too are in line for resurrection (Acts 24:15)
WHY IT IS GOOD TO GO TO HOUSE OF MOURNING
Can comfort the bereaved; loss is mutual
Take to heart uncertainty of life (Ps. 90:12; Eccl. 7:2)
Makes us think about how we are using our life
HOW WE CAN BENEFIT FROM BEING HERE
While living, make good name with Jehovah God (Eccl. 7:1)
Lay up treasures in heaven (Matt. 6:19-21)
One way is to take zealous part in witness work, if qualified (Matt. 24:14; 28:19, 20)
In this way and by godly conduct, we contribute to sanctification of Jehovah’s name (Prov. 27:11)
Resurrection hope an incentive to learn and do divine will (1 Cor. 15:58)
(Note: Opening with prayer is optional. Instead of eulogizing the deceased, use the material in this
outline to give a fine witness concerning the truth. Good balance should be observed in this respect.
Doctrinal points can be presented as beliefs of the deceased, which served as motivation for him. Purpose
of talk is to uphold Jehovah God as a God of love and mercy and at the same time bring comfort to the
bereaved. Use of a song such as No. 111 is optional. A brief prayer at the close is fitting. When
arrangement is made to go to the grave, it is well to consider quite briefly the hope through the Kingdom,
reading one or two scriptures, such as Job 14:14, 15 and 1 Corinthians 15:54b-57. This service may also
be closed with prayer, thanking Jehovah for the resurrection hope, which is of great comfort. The talk
need not exceed 30 minutes.)S-32-E 2/11
2008 Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society of Pennsylvania All Rights Reserved -
OnTheWayOut
Those comments that say this is a standard "memorial" talk for a dead JW are correct. Many will stray and spend more time on the person, but it is rare and even rarer for sisters and non-elders. They will give a very cold straight-from-the-outline talk for someone who was on "shaky-grounds" with their situation in the religion.
I gave the eulogy for my grandparents at a funeral home. They were not JW. I learned what a eulogy is supposed to be- positive light on the deceased. JW talks at a death are not a eulogy. They are recruitment talks.
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Scully
The talk had little to do with your father, by design.
The WTS discourages eulogizing the deceased and the Funeral Discourse™ outline stipulates that "the talk need not exceed 30 minutes".
The Funeral Discourse™ is nothing more than an Infomercial for the WTS, preying on people at one of the most vulnerable times of their lives. Fortunately, most normal people find the mere passing mention of the deceased's vital statistics as they relate to JW Service™ to be in such poor taste that it backfires, and makes them want nothing to do with JWs. In that respect, the Funeral Discourse™ is a huge public service announcement: it demonstrates precisely the value The Organization™ places on its members - if you can no longer preach or occupy a seat at the Kingdom Hall [even if it's because you're dead], you're barely worth 30 minutes of their time, even if you gave everything you had for benefit of The Organization™.
An old JW friend of mine passed away a few years ago - she was a Pioneer™ for years - even after she married and had children. She died of breast cancer. Her Funeral Discourse™ took 20 minutes, less time than what it took for most people to drive from their homes to the Kingdom Hall™. It disgusted me to know how much she gave of herself, the sacrifices her family made to allow her to Pioneer™, and once she was no longer productive, they spit her out like sour milk.
You have every right to be angry. I hope you find a way to remember your father in a way that celebrates the person he was. I like planting perennials in my garden - like roses, lilacs, lilies, etc. in memory of friends and family members who pass away. That way, when I'm quietly enjoying my garden, the lovely plants and flowers help to remind me of the positive things about those people.
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trevor
shakyground You cannot be 'wrong' for having feelings.
When something is wrong, your feelings communicate that to you. You have listened to your feeling of anger and analized what you feel was wrong about the way your father's funeral was handled. The funeral was supposed to be about your father and his life. Not an excuse for another Bible based lecture. (They did the same with my wedding)
Valuing your feelings and accepting that you have a right to them, is part of the journey that leads to peace with yourself.
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mindseye
Shakyground, my mother passed away just over a year ago. It was the exact same thing, a few minutes about my mom, and then a long JW advertisement. I was also angry, but can't say that I was surprised. The non-JWs and ones who grew up "around the truth" were a bit puzzled by the whole affair, and left with a bad impression of the JWs. You have to wonder what they're thinking with this funeral outline.