Well I have been lurking for the past couple of weeks and have finally decided to create an account. Just wanted to introduce myself and relate my life story in the Borg, specifically from the past few weeks- which I think has been a lot easier than many on the board.
Anyway, my Mum began to study when I was 10 (2005) and since then has been babtized; she strongly believes it is the truth. I also, up until recently, believed in 'the truth' but I thought I lacked the right 'heart condition' by not having a personal relationship with God. One elder encouraged me to prove to my self that this is the truth before getting babtized by searching answers for my questions. I agreed that I would do that after my GCSE exams in June (for 15-16 year olds). One thing I did tell him, though, is that the generation change confused me becuase I did not understnad how they reached their conclusion ( which was sort of a back-of-my-mind thought). We searched this together and somehow I found a dictionary definition of 'generation' which included overlapping, so I 'said' that I understood it ( still was not 100% convinced though).
This sort of stayed stationary until my holiday began with which I began my- what you could call- research. I started out with the 1975 thing I had heard about from a few people and found the August 18, 1968 Watchtower on the subject. This intrigued me: it seems they did more than say it was 6000 years since Adam's creation, definately suggesting the end may well come sometime sortly after 1975. With that I began to check the internet and what it says about certain subjects. I was always curious with apostate websites but never really believed what people had to say because in my mind it lacked evidence. But a pile started to grow when I found they actually did: the flood could not have happened; GB has made countless predictions, laughable scientific and medical errors, and stated derogitry comments about other races; Watchtower twists facts, quotes out of context, and tells lies; Watchtower was a NGO with the UN; loads of cases of pedophilia and molestation; and finally countless changes to teaching (especially generation).
Meanwhile, I shared my new found information and increasing doubt with Mum and Bro. My Mum started saying I am planting doubt, but she could not leave truth. Me, thanks to the internet and especially JWN, started thinking this is all a lie and just exploitation of emotions and people's problems.
My Mum told the elder I have a few quesitions and would like to speak to him. After a series of three conversations, he knows I went on 'Apostate' websites, but I told him I had to to get quotes ( which I showed to him). He also knows I am having serious doubts and my main question of why the watchtower can be allowed contain so many failed prophecies has not been answered sufficently. He used the common arguments from him and literature that, "They are imperfect", "Jehovah allowed this to see loyalty of servants", "Watchtower never claimed inspiration", etc. I believe I defended my viewpoint on those statements, but another arguement he had was that the watchtower got many prophecies right, which I do not know about.
So now I am at a dilema, I am still unconviced about what he says. But becuase I have good friends in the congregation, which is one of the better ones IMO (based on reading what other peoples have been like), even if people are following blindly. My Mum and Bro are included, so it would be difficult to leave for emtional reasons and practical reasons. I do not believe in what they teach any more and I am even questioning my entire belief system (i.e. Bible, God) becuase I realised through the internet that I have no real justification for it. Anyway, just wanted to share and would like to ask for any advice. Thanks for reading.
