Nebaska, you need to step away from what's hurting you, even if that means upsetting the people closest to you. Right now the only person you need to look after is YOU.
Please have enough strength to pick up the phone and call a professional. The Samaritans are an excellent first start or, if you prefer, PM a poster you trust and try to make contact. I'll happily talk to you if you like but I really think you need to speak to an EXPERIENCED counselor.
You can do this.