That question has been asked to me countless times ever since I can remember. (The gay part, haha.) Reluctantly, I would quickly put an end to their thinkg with a swift, "No".
Four days ago, after a couple of very strenuous months (years if you count the time I didn't except myself), I came out to my cousin (roommate). I had never admitted that to anyone. I came out to myself. It was as if the entire city of New York was instantly lifted off of my shoulders. After a day of complete joy, I shifted back into my depression as I pondered more and more of the coming days. I know I need (want) to come out to my parents and family/friends. I know they can't handle this truth. They love the make-believe that the org allows them to live in. I grew up hearing about the evilness and deviancy of gay people on a regular basis. Self loathing guaranteed.
I know life will get better. And I thank all of you with all of my heart, for allowing me to explore my truth. Truth is a funny word isn't it, what is truth? WHATS INSIDE YOU! In the meantime though, I am on shaky ground.
Tonight as I walked to the gas station, well after midnight. A man called me over me. He held a chocolate cake teetering on a frozen pizza. I slightly pasused but didn't stop. He told me that I need to try this cake that he just stole and that it was the most amazing thing on earth (just realized the parallel of the tree of good and bad). He followed me, telling me over and over to try the cake. I refused. He wasn't homeless looking, somewhat normal even. But I knew that this was a trap of some sort. I was about to be possibly drugged, robbed. Who knows. He asked me where I lived as he followed me. I was a block away from my apartment. As I began to cross in the middle of the street, he asked, "are you gay". I answered, "yes". The first time I answered that question honestly. It felt amazing. I didn't need to hide. Not to anyone. Not at anytime. At that moment, a police officer pulled up and told the man to return somewhere (I didn't hear). I quickly crossed and rushed into my apratment building.
I know it's odd that I found meaniong in this experience, but I did. Positive energy brings posotive results in my book. I very well could have been beaten or killed by this person, but i wasn't. I even had a life lesson because of it. Life is beautiful. I wish that everyone could see through these rose colored glasses. Thanks for listening. Much love.
CG