I miss my dad and I can't stop crying about it

by Velour 29 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Velour

  So recently, I've had this urge to write to my father. I couldn't quite pinpoint why I would try when I know he wouldn't read it and we aren't even that close.

  Over the years, before I left, my father and I could not relate to each other and we quit trying. He was always so busy writting and preparing for talks. He did a group bible study at the local prison (an hour away) every week that he had to prepare for and then conduct. He had responsibilities at the KH to take care of. He always prepped for field service. He was always studying for family bible study. In fact, that was probably the only time we, his family of 5, really saw him. All of this on top of the 60hrs/week he worked. Conversations with him were awkward because it always turned into talking to Gray, the JW preacher who's bound to teach you more and more about Jehovah and the scriptures, instead of a simple conversation with my father. We weren't close.

  But it hit me yesterday that THAT is exactly why I've been wanting to contact him. I miss my dad. I've been missing him for years, long before I left the borg.

  Before the family became JW, even though my father was a bad man, he tried to be the best father he could be to me. I sensed that. I knew that if I needed him he would always do whatever was in his power to provide for me and be here for me. Though, he was a druggie and beat my step mother silly, I never felt threatened by him and oddly enough, I guess because I was his little girl, he was my hero that I could always talk to. I'm a daddy's girl and my heart is very wrapped up in pleasing my father.

  The JW made him a great JW but they stole my father. He quit being available to me. The light conversations we had and the Saturday morning cartoons we watched together were replaced by him urging me to do more and more for Jehovah, and Saturday mornings replaced by him critiquing our presentations. The bond between us weakened.

  This shunning by him is painful. I want to cling to my dad and for the first time in my life he's pushing me away.

  Over the past 2 days I've realized- I miss my dad. I've been missing him for years and I can't stop crying about it.
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  talesin

  I understand (((((tight hug for Velour))))). It's okay to grieve ... let it out, gurl.

  tal
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  skeeter1

  I'm sorry.

  Your dad is two persons. He is your father, but he is also a cult follower. Understand that you are dealing with his cult personality, and not your real dad. When the cult personality takes over, it's like losing your real dad because you are. The older our parents get, the more they cling to the Jehovah's Witnesses. It is an answer to death. Plus, to disavow the Watch Tower would be to realize their life was wasted.
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  straightshooter

  Sorry to hear of your loss. To grieve is normal. My sympathies to you.
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  Robdar

  It's okay to cry over your dad. And believe it or not, he is probably crying over you. I'm willing to wager if you give it enough time, things will work out. It did for me and my dad.

  Why not make the first step towards reconciliation and send him a letter telling him what you told us? I wouldn't, however, bring up your religious differences. Concentrate instead on the interests you have in common and on all the good times you shared together. Let him know you miss him and would love to see him again.

  My thoughts are with you during this difficult time.
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  straightshooter

  I don't think the WTS realizes the extreme hurt that they cause by their doctrine of shunning. Jesus would never have treated anyone the way that the WTS practices.
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  sir82

  Sorry you are feeling this way.

  I am discovering more and more that that is a primary reason why many JWs don't leave, why they will never leave.

  They feel that "Jehovah" literally saved their life, and his organization was the means by which he did it. They are scared / ashamed / repulsed by their former life, and the thought of "leaving the organization", in their minds, is exactly equal to "returning to the kind of person I was before I became a JW".... and that utterly terrifies them.

  Someone like that is not going to be convinced by 587 vs. 607 BCE, UN-NGO-DPI scandals, or even child molestation scandals.

  It is a long process to figure out what exactly you, who missed out on so much by being raised a JW, are grieving for. I'm just starting to figure it out for myself.
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  unshackled

  Hey velour, hang in there...I know it can be tough at times with that kind of hurt. You're certainly not alone in feeling that way. A few weeks back I was thinking the same sort of thing about my father...on this thread.
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  Mickey mouse

  I don't think the WTS realizes the extreme hurt that they cause by their doctrine of shunning.

  I think they do. Which makes them utter bastards in my book.
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  nugget

  I feel for you the society robs us of so much turning men into busy fools. They know that shunning causes pain they are not interested in the distress only insofar as it forces people back to them. They are holding your family hostage and have done so all your life. They are a disgrace.