Dear southern.finesse,
Having to "break up" with my wife was the greatest thing in my mind before I made the decision to leave WT. I read a lot during that time before I "jump" into the formality with her. (To date, I'm glad she left WT with me.)
I like to share some pointers I had used. Hopefully, you can benefit from this:
1) Recognize that the more you go against her, the more she'll be convinced you're from Satan. So please do not confront WT nor its teachings with her directly. You'll only distance yourself from her.
Rather, keep your comments little with regards WT and JW as an organization. Be diplomatic with you need to voice things out. Keep it to a sentence, at most two. Don't involved in an argument. Remember, she's suffering from cognitive dissonance. She's particularly sensitive to your comments.
On the negative note, she challenges you. On the positive note, she actually listens and takes to heart. So prepare punch lines that will sink right into her. In time, she'll feel the effects.
2) WT and JW Org has labeled you "unwholesome". If you treat her the same way WT pictures you, then you've fulfilled "WT prophecies".
Show her love as a husband.
Try NOT to end in intimacy unless it's her calling. Remember, WT indirectly painted a negative picture regarding sexual intimacy. So the more you can hold back this needs, the better. Let her be the one to initiate it.
Care for your children.
She'll not appreciate your monetary contribution. (Housing, car, food on the table, ... is a requirement from you. She'll partake them all, then curse you behind your back among her JW "sisters".)
Read Bible with your children instead. Use the NWT. Get her to be in the Bible Reading sessions. Let her know its Bible reading. "Nothing to do with religion". Use WT lingo with her. Argue that since you're not an Elder, you cannot teach using WT magazines. So you can only read from the Bible, as this is your God-Given responsibility. Quote the scriptures. Use NWT Bible. Use WT to support you.
3) Works, not words. Do things that make WT commentary looks silly. WT stereotyped everyone outside JW Org. So you're a fornicator, an idolater, a smoker, a gambler, ... in short, a good-for-nothing man. Proof yourself otherwise. First, do not become as any mentioned here. Then, show her attitudes required of an Elder and Ministerial Servant (qualifications listed in the Bible).
Over a period of time (took me ten years), she can compare you with someone "respectable". Listen carefully for these names and find out more about them. (If need to, go to the KH with her to know about these people). Remember, it takes a hypocrite to become an Elder. You will definitely find loopholes in their "love", "kindness", and best of all "humility". If that Elder told you his best quality is "humility", then he's the one that is least humble.
Exploit these. Bring out these points subtly. The higher the Elder's rank, the better. (It took a DO to break my wife's faith.) Bring them into your family association and build issues for them to solve. Let you wife see the hypocrisy they manifest.
The time will come when she cannot contain the "pain" generated by her cognitive dissonance. She'll break. You'll be good enough to bring her out then.
Pray hard. And may the grace of God be with you always.
PD
