Back when I was a Witness my family and I used to talk about how the spirit "directing" worked based on our observations. I guess we just assumed that it should able to be logically deconstructed and put back together. In any event, it was the Truth, right? I remember feeling that people who had their spiritual sh*t together had access to more spirit "direction." This was the way it was presented to me. The elders had a LOT of it I was told and if they screwed up royally that eventually Jehovah would take care of it. It was always brought up that it could take many years at times and of course might never be dealt with (new order).
That's where the discouragement of independent thinking was placed in like a spice in a pasta recipe. We were not to question the amount of "time" it took for a scandal we knew about before it was actually "exposed" for all to see. Most people will feel a since of injustice when a man gets to lord their spiritual position over another, esspecially if people's lives are effected negatively, sometimes for long stretches of time. Here my family and I are watching normal human behaviour taking place, but having to constantly find ways to tell ourselves that they/we are not the same, but better; superiour actually.
I don't know about my family, but I felt like a hypocrite for the most part. That's what onsets the psychosis: Constantly being wrong and lying to yourself that you're not.
It's not really that we were wrong about anything religious it's that we had such a harsh way of keeping the "unity." Why is our unity that imporant anyway? Exellence in unity is something we as a group should strive for, but should we demand it from ourselves? Should we design punishment for stepping out of that unity?
No one wants to stand in front of an audience and be exposed as normal when they said they were better for so long. It would be just TOO much pain for some. So not only did we deny our own normality we went as far as to make rules that prevented it from being exposed to the general public.
I came into existence on top a mountain of lies. It's hard to swallow sometimes.
-Sab