Oh, you are a born-in. You had it easy!

by TotallyADD 38 Replies latest jw friends

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  TotallyADD

  Thank you for everyone who posted. I find it very enlightening by all your comments and vewpoints from both sides of the fence. And some I did not even think of. It has all made me a more empathetic person on what you all went through. Thank you for the understanding.

  blondie: I am so sorry for what you went through. I went through the same thing as a child. I see this struck a chord with you. I did not mean to upset you. I hope you are feeling better now. It was not our fault it was the cult we were in. Take care and thank you for your WT comments and all you do to help us understand.

  Pig: I agree born-ins are innocent children with no say in the matter. Same here dressed up in a suit went door to door, no friends, made fun of me. But No Family Study. My parents throught at the age of six I was old enough to study on my own. LOL

  sizemik: You hit the nail right on the head. It is difficult for most if not everyone. The cult has a very stronghold on it members.

  Black Sheep. You got that one right. All it takes is one cult parent to ruin a child life. Also been there done that. Will we have to start calling you B.R. LOL. Thanks for your comments. Stay strong.

  punkofnice: Me to. I am 57 and happy to be out. I love your statement "I am not a JW apostate I am a freedom fighter." Good one.

  Ding: Yes it is.

  sizemik and Black Sheep. What Is A Pratt?

  No Room For Geroge: Those who are converts are looking for guidance and possibly someone to tell them what to do. Born-ins alot of times are caught in the middle not knowing which direction to go or how to get out. Because of that end up even deeper in the cult and exposing themselves to more abuse.

  negget: I understand. I don't know any born-in that had a childhood that was pleasant either. You are right on when you said they are moulded to deny self and accept the cult organisation. No one has it easy.

  Outlaw: Thank you for the good laugh. Don't some JW already talk into Black berrys? Is that the same as blueberrys. LOL

  stuckinamovement: Yes that was only good thing I had also in the cult. Meeting my wife and having our kids together.

  NomandSoul: Hey 50 years is not that bad he got out just like my wife and I did.

  Morbizbaby. I agree everyone has an equal struggle. We are all on the same side.
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  Hortensia

  I think people who had a happy childhood with reasonable supportive parents are in the minority. It doesn't matter whether you were born in, or joined later or never heard of JWs. Lots and lots of people had really painful difficult childhoods. Me included. So the folks who say you had it easy, don't really understand childhood very well.

  Just tell them, "whatever." And decide to not let the past control you. Choose to be happy and make it real.
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  Band on the Run

  Excuse me, I had newspaper photos of myself at 1 1/2 entering a convention at Yankee Stadium. I never had any decision in sitting through mindless meetings when the other kids were watching Walt Disney or I Love Lucy. The converted never were elementary schools standing up to a teacher and principal b/c of flag salutre. People did not throw stones at them for not making the sign of the cross. Perhaps they saw many films and TV shows that I could not. Maybe they had toy guns.

  When I was told the end of the world was at hand during the Cuban Missile Crisis, did they have to say the US was wrong.

  Thinking about it, everday waiting for A. was living through the Cuban MIssle Crisis, esp. when the U.S. was going to stop the Soviet ship.

  Ping-Pong. School - no greater country has ever existed in the history of the world. The US never commiits any wrong, even on minor contractual details . Family - Well, the Witnesses teach. KH_ The US is bad. Only the WTBTS will survive. The United State is every bit as bad as Bamboo Curtain China or Iron Curtain Russia.

  They may have had free Saturday ams instead of going door to door. I was giving my spiel at 7 or 8. Maybe I was bad b/c no adult took my preaching seriously and I memorized word for word from the script.

  No birthdays. No Christmas. No Easter Bunny. NO 4th of July. etc.

  The grass is always greener.
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  exwhyzee

  In the Witness world a person who grows up in the TRUTH always doing the right thing but in a moment of weakness sleeps with their Fiance and confesses this to the Elders, risks being suddenly cast out and considered too vile and wicked to even speak to. Even when diagnosed with Cancer, the disfellowshipped one is shunned and left without help from his former friends and family. (this happened to my Son) Yet an "interested one " who was or still is, for all anyone knows, involved in God knows what, is welcomed in to everyones lives with open arms, encouraged and included in everything. A former drug dealer turned JW instead of being ashamed of his past, is trotted up onto the stage to relate his story and then applauded while the person who grew up as a Witness and never did anything wrong in his life, is virtually ignored.
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  Berengaria

  I'm sorry, anyone who thinks that being born in as opposed to having the ability to make that choice, is not like night and day, is deluded. Look at the children from any other cult or whack lifestyle. Helloooooooooo, we are talking about the formative years of life here. There is no comparison.

  It's like this. A tree keeps growing even if there is an obstacle. It just absorbs it.

  
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  EmptyInside

  Just a side thought,I had it expressed to me,that a lot of born-in Witnesses,think they are better than those that become Witnesses later in life. I never thought that I was better than anyone. I was kind of jealous of those that could see both sides of things.

  Most of my childhood was pretty happy. I did feel on occassion left out and was a total misfit at school. But,I did have some friends at the hall and my family was well liked for the most part.

  I was really into the religion at an early age,so I didn't realize how much I missed out on until much later.
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  sizemik

  From debate to reality . . .

  A youngster grows up under JW parents . . . and misses out on a "normal" childhood and is alienated from his peers . . . that is hard. So when he becomes a youth . . . he splits, and begins a life of his own. Some time later, after he is married . . . his fears from childhood remain, so he returns to the KH with his new wife. The family develops, and embrace the religion. The young man sees the deception once again and withdraws for a second time . . . only this time his new family remains . . . this too is hard. But he tells himself, I was born-in, I had no choice.

  Another young man is brought up in a Catholic household and attends Church and Sunday School . . . he gets "ragged" a bit from his mates but generally his childhood is "normal". In his youth he attends a Catholic Boarding School and is subject to physical and sexual abuse . . . that is hard. He lives in constant fear of a fiery hell to which he is convinced he is going . . . he has constant nightmares about it . . . that is hard too. As a young man he is approached by nice Bible-toting folks who tell him "have no fear ... hell doesn't exist!" The relief is palpable. What will he choose?

  Yet another young man grows up in a violent household . . . that is hard. His parents live with little moral guidance . . . and provide him with none . . . only abuse . . . that is hard too. As a youth he seeks escape from his past hauntings through alcohol and drugs . . . and begins a life of crime. The whole world he inhabits is one of violence and substance abuse, and survival . . . that is hard too. He hears from a friend that things will not always be this way . . . that a better world is just around the corner. He can't quite believe it . . . but he wants to know more about this "Bible" which he knows nothing about. He finds out from good, kind and truly honest people, what it's all about. What will he choose?

  None of these examples are hypothetical . . . they describe real people who are right here on this Forum. Each of them have one thing in common . . . they find justification for the things they did . . . the choices they made . . . and the choices they didn't have. It's called cognitive dissonance . . . and is mitigated by confirmation bias. It's not simply an explanation for JWism. It's a necessary survival mechanism . . . we all have it . . . and always will.

  So rather than use it to beat up everyone else around you . . . just own it . . . and move on.

  @TotallyADD . . .

  1.	prat
  	Basically someone whos a major idiot, or is delusional and dumb. Acts against logic and thinks hes self-righteous. AKA: Major dumbass
• 

  Awen

  The only advantage a convert had over a born-in was knowing what life was like outside of the Organization.

  It makes it easier to leave.

  The Born-ins however would have much more to lose and fear because of never having those experiences. It would be like setting foot in a new country with strange customs and ideas. I still have problems socially.

  I used to think the born-ins had it easier because they had family to support them when in a crisis. Reading these posts I realized it's actually worse. Being a born-in (I was a convert) meant if you screwed up you'd have your entire family coming down on your head. I kept my non-JW friends and that made my exit easier.

  I feel really sorry for the Born-Ins.

  Awen
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  Berengaria

  Sizemik, I don't think the difference has anything to do with when or how one leaves the org, or what they leave behind. I think the difference is the persons self/world view. If you aren't a born in, you will never ever understand that. My analogy of the tree is the best I can come up with to explain it. I've had this discussion many times. Some say move on, get over it, that was long ago, etc. etc. The point is we have moved on, but it's as Awen said, it's like a strange country when you leave, and my point about the tree is that you can not truly leave it, because it is part of you.

  If your family was "strong", you leave and are a little fish in a big pond, it's deflating. If your family was weak, then you lived your whole life being something of an outcast. Not good enough as a dub, and yet "no part of this world". Then there is being told that all your little innocent school mates are going to be slaughtered, and that justified! That somehow every one you see every day that is not a JW is essentially evil and untrustworthy. Trust is a huge issue. All this as a developing child. Nope, no one that didn't grow up inside it all, can ever really get the whole picture of hurt.
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  LV101

  my eyes have certainly been opened reading posts about the born-in victims. i had no idea of the reality. i thought born-ins must be the happiest, most well-adjusted, confident kidlets in the world since their parents were educated by & lived in fear of the w/tower God compared to outsiders being raised by narcissistic, evil, psychopaths, as in my case. you all deserve xmas everyday, forever and ever.

  some of my friends raised by parents who were baptists, methodists, catholics/other xtian denominations, rave about their childhoods and xmases/easters, 4th of julys, birthdays, etc. watchtower is a total loser for the abuse it encourages/promulgates toward children. it should be closed down by gov'tl. child protection agencies.
  
  i think all your testimonies should be coalesced in a book -- kinda like the victims' accounts in various 12-step groups. all efforts should be made to make the real truth known.