Wow. This sounds a lot like my experiences last year. It is such an awful thing when your mate is still a true believer. I mean, not that he believes in something, just that...he's mistaken, still under their spell. It's silly to think that Jehovah's Witnesses, of all people, would suggest that we need to leave them alone.
I mean, not that long ago, there was a huge tract campaign I remember participating in, and the tract was called 'The End of False Religion Is Near!' We left it at every home in the territory. Why? Because we believed that all other religions were false and that their end was near. When we find out, now, that in fact, the JWs were not merely teaching falsehoods, but engaging in active deception and threatening people who found out about it, we're supposed to just let it go? Ha! They TRAINED us this way! They taught us how NOT to let it go when we see something that's wrong. So they can't complain when we refuse to let it go; they can only blame themselves. It's because of truth and a love for truth that we can't help speaking out, posting on this site, some people make YouTube videos, and so on.
Your sorrow and outrage is perfectly normal. I have days when it comes back, but most of the time I can manage it. And yes, sometimes JWN is too much to handle and you need to take a break. That's normal too, and in your situation, it may even be a very good idea. There are days I want to forgive the Society, and days I want it to be utterly destroyed and for its leaders to be imprisoned for crimes against humanity. But really, as evidenced by that stuff with Harold Camping, there'd just be another one that'd rise in its place. The best way to have victory over the Watchtower is to educate yourself and others who are willing to consider alternatives, and to endure your life with honor and decency and without a bunch of guilt and shame.
You will feel sad sometimes, and every day this will probably be on your mind. But you will also find joy in being able to think and say and do things you weren't 'allowed' to do before. I mean, for me, just being able to watch R-rated movies was a joyful thing. There's so much that I hope you'll be able to experience.
At the same time, I also know the pain of not being able to share this situation with your spouse. At least yours hasn't turned you in to the elders, has he? It can be a very lonely time in a marriage so divided. But don't let him fool you into thinking this was "your fault". You didn't do anything wrong here. You found out that the Society was doing things that were wrong, and neither they nor their followers have the right to call down evil on you for seeking the truth and testing your beliefs. You should be proud you had the courage to do so. There is no shame in that. The shame would come in letting it slide, pretending it's no big deal like they want you to believe.
If you ever need to talk, I'll gladly listen. Whatever happens, remember that your mate is only a part of the religion and not the religion itself, he's just another victim, as you were. Try to forgive him if he seems utterly clueless about it, because it's probably just as scary to him as it is to you. But the hard truth is, unless you're willing to put up with the stress of it, this could be a serious danger to your marriage. Now that you've gone through this door, anyone on the inside is probably forfeit, including those you love most. That, in my mind, is the most horrible crime the Society is responsible for. Because they do more than take life with their doctrine, they also destroy the lives of the living.
It sucks. But you're not alone. (Wow, I'm actually saying that...) Hang in there. It'll get easier with time.
--sd-7
