Question for the men (page 12)

SafeAtHome

I've decided what I'm going to do. Maybe I'll have an update after this weekend. Thanks everyone for your help. SAH

SafeAtHome

Yeah, I changed my gravatar. The Indians suck, just like a lot of other things in life.

elderelite

Im sorry dear.... Wanna talk? We'd like to know how its
Goimg im sure :-)

Sorry, I mean I changed my avatar at gravatar. I don't really have anything new to report other than a few more negative things about the other person. Apparently she gets other men employees to buy her groceries and prescriptions (she is a hypochondriac), whines she has no money. But she has money for Starbuck's and weekly manicures. Things may be in the open this weekend, I don't know how it will go, that is why I am in the dumpster today. He doesn't see her everyday, by the nature of his job, but once or twice a week depending on his schedule. He was not with her this week. He went 3 days with no computer activity, then last night, it was there again. That's why I'm bummed out. My friend keeps assuring me this will fizzle, I wanted to believe it, but now it is on again.

TheSilence

I'm really sorry you're bummed, SAH, and I wish I had the best words to give you but I'm not always very smart, you know. I will say this is not about the other woman. Who and what she is does not matter. What matters is between you and your husband and I think you would be better off focusing on how to fix that rather than on what makes her such an unsavory person. Whoever or whatever she is, focusing on it will not fix your marriage.

SafeAtHome

Silence, I realize that, with the help of all you here and reading Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue book this week. (Really, it was quite good) I am focusing on what needs to be fixed from my side and as Dr Phil said, I am ready to own my part of the problems in the marraige. But since he seems to be having this relationship with her and getting his ego and emotions soothed elsewhere, he may not be willing to work with me to rescue our marriage before it is too late to salvage. I admit to the fact that I did not always make things perfect and that left him vulnerable to her advances, giving him an excuse really. Although if you are married, I don't think there is any excuse really.

elderelite

SAH, really thats what this is about.... My whole rant and the followups... They all point to the fact that its never one person. Hes wrong for going after her yes. And some men (and women) are just plain impossible to live with and will never be faithful and should never be married.

But more often its problems on both sides that need to be addressed. Its good to hear that u are willing. I would tell u to keep a positive outlook. You have more time with him than she does. You have more history. He loves you. You can work it out! If he was "gone" emotionally he would be talking to her every day.. A three day gap wouldnt fly....

Take heart. Be open and honest... It will work out. Maybe through trears and pain, things u dont want to hear and things you didnt tell him, but it sounds like it can be worked out :-) praying for you!

jamiebowers

I will say this is not about the other woman. Who and what she is does not matter. What matters is between you and your husband and I think you would be better off focusing on how to fix that rather than on what makes her such an unsavory person. Whoever or whatever she is, focusing on it will not fix your marriage.

Again, this is NOT a typical affair. This woman is a grifter. The more SAH knows about her and how much money, if any has been spent on her, the better. It's not just her marital future that's in question, but her financial one as well.

I admit to the fact that I did not always make things perfect and that left him vulnerable to her advances, giving him an excuse really

Nobody makes everything in their marriage, or anything else for that matter, perfect.

My whole rant and the followups... They all point to the fact that its never one person.

EE, never say "never". Tell me, was it my fault that my first marriage ended? What is it that I could've done to keep him from beating and strangling me? What in the world did I do to provoke him into driving into oncoming traffic or toward a tree to terrorize me? In your marriage, your wife refuses to listen to you or live more than a marginal life that includes staying in bed most of the time, not focusing on you, your kids or the household. How exactly is that your fault?

elderelite

Oh gawd.... EE runs and hides in shame......

*humbles self* Jamie is spot on.... I refrain from further embarassment of self... At least in this thread

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