Am I on thin ice with my friend?

by cedars 45 Replies latest jw experiences

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  cedars

  ziddina - thanks, it's nice to have a few tricks up my sleeve to wriggle out of the NGO and mexico/malawi thing. I can just imagine his response "where did you get that information from?" - because even I didn't know about all that three months ago, and thanks to the society's 'smokescreen' the only immediate way to access the information is online via sites like this and jwfacts. Thank goodness I have such a well-informed milkman!

  steve2 - thanks mate, I had a feeling you didn't mean it as an insult and you were just making your point that people can turn. Thankfully I don't consider Mrs Cedars to be one of them! However, the point is well taken that, no matter well-intentioned my friend is now, it takes very little for him to get panicked and 'push the button'.

  leavingwt - widespread applause for your wise counsel, how can I do anything but use it?!
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  MrMonroe

  When I left, I told no one my reasons. When a good "friend" interrogated me about why my wife and I had left, we told him we had made a personal decision and we didn't want to discuss it with anyone.

  Suggesting you're depressed is telling the JW you're mentally unwell, which confirms in their mind that they are right and you are, well, nuts.

  Telling them you made a conscious decision and don;t wish to discuss it leaves you with dignity and them with unasnwered questions. They can do wondering, unless in the next few years you reach a point where you feel you can tell them the truth.
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  outsmartthesystem

  "FYI - I probably shouldn't have meantioned UN-NGO and Malawi v. Mexico in my last email. Yikes!! Hope I make it out of this one."

  This is definitely not good. If you had mentioned any past teaching or flip flop of doctrine....you could pass it off as though you were just doing intensive research with older publications. But the NGO and Malawi thing is going to be tough. Even if you say that you have NOT looked at apostate literature....and the NGO and Malawi thing was brought up in great detail by a workmate of yours.....they STILL have you locked into their radar. Remember......these are elders we are talking about. Your friend may tell you he believes you if you tell him this story about the workmate bringing these issues up to you......but it is a facade. He KNOWS you've been looking at apostate literature.....you just haven't admitted it yet. Be careful what you say from this point on....as every last word of yours is now under intense scrutiny.
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  cedars

  Thanks outsmartthesystem - I will be on guard. Worryingly I haven't heard anything from him since I started this post, although I did ask him to take his time in replying so that his reply would make more sense than his previous email, which was quite emotional and made little sense. I'm stuck in no-man's-land at the moment until I hear from him, but I think when he breaks his silence I will simply ask him to disregard what I've been saying and make some conciliatory statement (true or misleading) to draw a line under the whole thing.
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  cedars

  A quick update... having not heard anything from my friend in nearly two weeks I have decided to email him requesting that he deletes my emails and forgets about everything. I have mentioned depression and the fact that I may have allowed this to manifest itself in overly critical behaviour. I have thanked him for his concern, but told him that there is little point entering a protracted debate over what are essentially just matters of faith, and the last thing I want is to undermine his excellent work in Jehovah's organisation (or words to that effect).

  I sent it yesterday and still no reply, I'll keep you posted.
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  cedars

  An update to an update!

  Those of you who gave me advice initially will be pleased to know that my friend has finally replied and has agreed to my request to delete my emails and forget about our debate. He seems satisfied with my explanation that depression has been a factor and may have caused me to be overly critical. He says he was shocked by some of the things I brought to his attention (I assume he means Mexico v Malawi / NGOs) but he is happy in himself that this is Jehovah's organization, albeit being run by imperfect men, and any future refinements will come through them and nobody else. Obviously the last thing I'm going to try to do now (having taken onboard the excellent advice on here) is try to persuade him otherwise. I personally think you can only persuade a person when they have already sown seeds of doubts themselves and want to know more. My friend was obviously nowhere near that stage, so any protracted discussion would only have served to increase the likelihood of my being disfellowshipped.

  Phew! A close shave. Thanks guys! I'll be more careful next time...!!!