If you don't know my past I'll paraphrase: basically, I got away from the dubs, but their teachings, dogma, doctine, mindset still have grips on aspects of my life. I just can't let some of it go.
I was raised in the "truth" and left because I wanted a life of my own. I didn't have doubts about their teachings, but resolved myself to die at the big A so I could have a real life now. That was twelve years ago, and up intil about a year ago (when I found this board) I still believed their doctrines, but lived my life for myself nonetheless. As a result I never got a chance to get rid of their baggage, I was hell and gone from them before I found out they were false. I was living a life where the world could end at any moment and unlike hopeful dubs who think they might make it through, I knew I was going to die. Now I know that isn't going to happen and I've got a long life to look forward to. Great, but...
Hindsight being what it is, I now see how learning more about their false teachings and slowly moving away would have been better, but I quit cold turkey. I never learned how to make friends, how to function as normal - it's what I wanted more than anything, I was willing to die for it. But when push came to shove I went into limbo.
I didn't want to go back, but I also didn't know how to make it as a 'worldling'. My problem is that as a child raised in the "truth" I was taught to fear the world until I got old enough to fight it - I left before I made that transition and some of that fear lingers.
I had the courage to leave them with only death to look forward to, but not enough courage to jump in and be 'with the world'.
I've got a pretty good life now, but I still feel like an outsider looking in, like I don't belong. I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm crying out for help, more like I'm bouncing my expeience out to see what comes back. I've tried to have this discussion with my wife, but she was never a JW, and doesn't understand why I can't let this go.