Mommy, I don’t want to play Limbo anymore
Dear Mommy,
Having cancer hurts. I hurt all the time. It used to be better, in the beginning. I could breathe then. But then the doctor started talking about numbers. Do you remember that Mommy? I remember I was a 12.5. Then I was a 10. Then I was a 7.5 and I couldn’t breathe the same anymore. I would take a deep breath, but it just wasn’t the same as before. I felt like I was breathing but I wasn’t getting any air. My stomach would go up and down, and I just wanted more air all the time. That’s when it really started to hurt mommy. Does Jehovah want me to hurt like this Momma? If I don’t hurt anymore, will He still let me into the New System?
That’s when you and the doctor started playing Limbo. I want to tell you Mommy, I don’t like it when you play Limbo with my air. The doctor said that if I got to 6 he would give me a blood transfusion and I would be able to breathe again. For a second I was happy, cuz I really wanted to breathe again. But then I remembered Jehovah doesn’t like people who take blood transfusions. So I got sad again.
The doctor started threatening to get a court order to transfuse. And I was happy, cuz then I could breathe but it wouldn’t be my fault or my Mommy’s fault. Jehovah would just be mad at the judge and the doctor then. But mommy, remember? You said, “Well he seems fine. ( I felt terrible) Let’s see if he can go a little lower.” And I remember the doctor said my number was a six. Then it was a 5 and I thought for sure you would give in. I was gasping for breath and I felt woozy all over. But you said, “No doctor. It’s not time yet. Let’s see if he can go any lower. He seems fine.” Mommy, why are you torturing me? It hurts when you play the Limbo game, mommy.
I wanted to tell you mommy, why couldn’t we let the doctor give me blood when I was a number 6? Now I am a number 3 and you keep telling the doctor you will sue, or take me to some other hospital if he treis to give me blood. Mommy, isn’t Jehovah happy I have suffered as long as I have? Mommy, I’m not sure I want to live anymore. I want to see you and daddy still, but won’t I be happiuer in the New System anyway? Mommy, I want to die. I can’t breathe and everything hurts.
2.5. Am I winning at Limbo now Mom? Mo.. mommy.. (cough) It’s really har.. hard to th.. think now. Mm. I can’t .. I want my l… last word to be.. Je…(gasp) ho.. vah. He must be happy with me now that I’ve made it all the way down to 2.5. But the new doctor came in smiling and happy today saying, “Don’t worry, I had a patient go all the way down to 1.5. We just put him in a chemically induced coma and eventually he came back. He is alive today, with only minor neurological damage.” Mommy I don’t like the new doctor. When will this game be over/ When will I have suffered long enough to make Jehovah happy? Mommy, why is it so hard to make Jehovah happy? Is he happier when I am being tortured than when I feel good? Why does Jehovah love to see me suffer?
Mom.. jus.. one.. more thing.. I can’t think and they are going to put me in one of those comas. But I don’t know.. maybe the next time I see you it will be the N.. New Sys….Sist.. mmm. I just want to tell you one more thing.. before they put me under.. Mommy don’t do this to Jack my little bro.. If he needs a blood transfusion just give it to hi…. (gasp) him. I think Jehovah wants Jack to not suffer. I don’t like suffering. And I hate it when you play the “How low can he go” game. I hope I suffered enough to make Jehovah happy.. Goo.. G’ bye M… Mom………………………….
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- Joined: Sun Sep 25, 2011 10:29 am