Do you feel moved or obligated to check in on JW family?

mamalove

If you are being shunned, do you ever feel out of obligation that you should be the bigger person and check in on parents or siblings who are still JW's and have nothing to do with you? I have reached out to my sibling and get zero back. It hurts, and I am angry about it, yet from time to time I still feel a tenderness in my heart and let it be known that the love and care and concern is there. I am numb inside towards my mother. She has burned me so badly that I truthfully feel that I will never feel the same way about her ever again. But I do feel pangs of concern because she is getting older, and who knows when her health could turn. Out of pure moral obligation I sometimes imagine contacting her and letting her know something....but what? What do I want to say? That I love her? I have no desire to open up a can of worms.

ABibleStudent

I feel that more exJWs should send emails, cards, and/or notes with lots of pictures showing them having fun to their JW family and former friends to let them know how wonderful their lives are now that they are no longer serving the WTBTS. The WTBTS wants JWs to shun exJWs to reduce the number of JWs who leave the WTBTS, and it only benefits the WTBTS when exJWs get angry and stop communicating with their JW family and former friends. ExJWs are the lucky ones because they are no longer serving a publishing and distribution corporation that uses thought reform to enslave their members. Who knows when a thoughtful email or note might plant a seed of doubt in a JW or might help an inactive JW to feel like someone cares about them? To me an hour a month sending out emails to JW family and friends is time well spent and for very little cost.

Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

Robert

N.drew

I feel for you. It is admirable that you feel tenderness and concern. You might send a simple card "I miss you Mom".

You deserve better. Family who shun you don't deserve the attention, but it will show them they are wrong about "the world" that is not their world. And if ever she does see the light, you will be glad you did what you could to keep in touch. God bless you!

blondie

I'm inactive. It has been ten years since I stopped reaching out to my abusive jw family. I tried orginally to be a "good" Christian, but after 30 years of being kicked in the teeth I decided for my own mental health to make a permanent break. I have had the best ten years of my life and anticipate even more; I should have done it sooner. My "guidance" came when I read books about adult children of alcoholics and the roles children grow up to play with regard to their family. Books about toxic parents were helpful.

Blondie

OUTLAW

No..

Blondies post says it all for me..I got tired of being abused..

I was done along time ago..

........................;-)...OUTLAW

tenyearsafter

I check in on my Mom and brother (they still talk to me under guise of "family biz"), but everyone else has faded from my life.

mamamo

I was checking on my mom after my father died back in January. She is 70. Many times I offered my 18 year old son to play chauffer for her. He wasn't brought up a JW. She refused and basically blamed me after the last articles about making sure to have nothing to do with DF'd, DA. So fine, I don't call her any more. I figure the next time I have contact with my sister will be when she calls me to let me know my mom has passed.

DesirousOfChange

The WTBTS wants JWs to shun exJWs to reduce the number of JWs who leave the WTBTS, and it only benefits the WTBTS when exJWs get angry and stop communicating with their JW family and former friends.

True. Because then they can place all the blame on the exJW family members for alienating themselves (even tho the opposite is true). Thus it proves them liars when exJWs remain peaceable, approachable, blameless. I'm not saying reach out to be abused, but let them know it is THEIR CHOICE, because they try to say it is the exJWs choice to leave. It's one thing to make a choice to leave a religion in which you have lost all faith -- not the same as making a choice to shun or abuse family members. Who is unChristian (evil) in their choices?

DOC

mrquik

I have just my oldest daughter still in. She lives out of state & rarely contacts me about anything. I miss her & my grandchildren, but I understand the cult mindset. I hope one day she'll realize the truth, but until then I'm leaving well enough alone.

leavingwt

Steve Hassan would tell you to reach out to them. He would advise you to ignore cult rules of shunning.

Show up at your mom's place with a fresh-baked cake.

IF she refuses to answer the door and/or shuns you, it's on HER head. You've taken the high road. It's because of HER actions that you cannot be the daughter that you'd prefer to be.

You can leave knowing that you did the right thing. Just maybe, she'll experience some cognitive dissonance by obeying the cult, rather than having normal family relationships.

Don't expect a big breakthrough, in which she accepts you back as a full family member.

You are under no obligation to make yourself available for emotional abuse, however, so you must play it by ear and adjust accordingly.

Remember: If no meaningful interactions are taking place, you should have ZERO expectations that she will change her mind about WT or about you.

Do you feel moved or obligated to check in on JW family?

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