My last meeting was Sunday, 13 June 2010 for the Public Talk and Watchtower study. I was in the fifth year of my exile from the organization, having been disfellowshipped in September 2005. I had met with my judicial committee the previous Thursday and was awaiting their decision about my reinstatement request. The following day, Monday the fourteenth, I was refused reinstatement. I never went back to the Kingdom Hall after that Sunday meeting and have no intention of ever doing so again. As my late father used to say to indicate his refusal to do something, "I'll die and burn in hell first!"
Even if I had been reinstated, my plan was to fade. I had reached the point where I couldn't even mouth the words of the Kingdom songs anymore because I didn't believe in the lyrics. That was because I had finally embraced TTATT; so I didn't believe in the doctrines anymore and no longer wanted to be a Witness. I was tired of the false religion, the hypocrisy of the organization, its racist, sexist and homophobic teachings and practices, and the callous disregard for real shepherding the elders displayed. The only reason I sought reinstatement was to regain my friends in the organization. TTATT showed me how vain and fruitless that would be. If they wouldn't associate with me and love me for the person I truly was, then there was no need or reason for me to seek or desire their fellowship.
Once I stopped going to meetings it was amazing how quickly I lost all desire to do so. It was wonderful to have my weeknights free, not having to dress for meetings and field service, listen to dull talks from the platform, and endure the mind-numbing and specious rhetoric of WTS publications and lackeys. I've recultivated old interests and am pursuing new ones. My weekends are wide open now, and even better, I have found a spiritual community that has welcomed me with open arms. I should have done all this when I was first disfellowshipped instead of letting five frustrating years go by before finally coming to my senses.
Quendi
