My observation, the "threefold cord" actually weakens a marriage

by Robert7 31 Replies latest jw friends

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  Robert7

  So my wife and I survived leaving the JW faith together over the course of the last 4 years. It was a wild ride for our relationship, but thankfully we are stronger than ever. So looking back, here is my observation about the "threefold cord", at least the JW version of it.

  I believe the idea of the threefold cord actually weakens a marriage, keeping it less mature. The theory is that with Jehovah in your marriage, it will strengthen your marriage and keep it stronger. However, having Jehovah in your marriage can very much be a crutch, and I've seen more unhealthy marriages within the JW faith than out. Couples that are just miserably together. Given you cannot (or should not) divorce, and with the promise of a perfect paradise around the corner, pressures to keep a positive looking front, etc, it is very easy to ignore marital issues and sweep them under the rug.

  Jehovah (i.e. the organization) comes first in the marriage, and there's where your loyalty is supposed to be first. I've heard people say (not sure if I've seen it in writing) that you cannot love your spouse unless they love Jehovah first. Now talk about introducing a serious flaw in to the marriage! Without that third fold, the other two folds, the couple, are weaker than they would be if they were standing up on their own.

  When we left the faith, we lost that crutch. It was just us two, all of a sudden with no one to moderate, or force us to stay married. Our relationship and marriage had to mature to stand on its own, and we had to deal with issues that have been swept under the rug. Divorce was an option, and no longer could we just ignore things while enduring for the new system. That's hard work, and takes dedication. I can see how leaving the JW faith can cause divorce, because when your relationsip rests on the crutch of Jehovah (the organization), you lose that crutch, and risk falling apart.

  I'm not saying having spirituality within the marriage is necessarily a crutch (I'm Atheist however), but the JW brand of the threefold cord is NOT healthy, it keeps marriages immature, and only forces the couple to lean on the organization to survive. Maybe that's by design.

  Any thoughts? Observations? Experiences?
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  No Room For George

  Good thread.

  Any thoughts? Observations? Experiences?

  Something that I've often wondered is whether or not this religion's nuances stress marriages. I'm single, and often enough there's days that I get off work and I can't sit down and just chill for a while because there's ALWAYS something to do related to this religion. Whether its preparing for a meeting so as to participate, or doing shepherding calls, or running late after work and having to get home and get dressed for the meeting, etc.. There's a million and one things that can be mentioned, and being single makes it easier for me to deal, but I imagine that for those with families, it has to be particulary stressful, right? I mean getting the kids ready for the meeting or field service, preperation, work, car or house maintenance, etc.. Not to mention attempting to live up to whatever pipe dream of an ideal JW family is supposed to be as illustrated in the WT's literature. There's days I'm at the Hall and I'm sitting in the back watching parents attempt to force their children to stay focused upon what's happening on the platform, which is hilarious considering a good percentage of the adults in attendance aren't paying attention. This religion at times can be like a full time job and can be quite stressful.

  Lets be real too, when the WT says that Jehovah is the 3rd chord, they're actually referring to themselves as an organization, a publishing company with extraodinary demands. In that sense, the 3rd chord illustration is inappropriate, and the straw that broke the camel's back is probably more fitting.
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  cantleave

  When the third chord is an organisation that tries to interfere with every aspect of your marriage, takes as much of the little money that you earn, that it can and places unrealistic pressures on your time, it can never strengthen your relationship. It just gets in-between what should be the strengthening bond between two people and makes them reliant on it to make decisions for them.
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  Found Sheep

  Good thoughts

  Another way is hurts marriage is when the husband is an elder.

  Not just because of the time and energy it sucks but because now there are "secrets" that only the man has....

  I find that a bit creepy!
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  Robert7

  You all make some great points. Maybe the title should be "Being a JW weakens a marriage, especially if your husband is an elder" :)
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  mankkeli

  Robert7 - I am at peace with those observations, thats why the organization is called an "opaque construct". Their whole spiritual program is a design. 130 years of manipulation is enough for brooklyn clowns to have worked things out effectively. All aspect of lives have been exploited to the full in order to fry their members in the deep sauce of thier incorrigible spiritual pan.

  It simply goes like this

  A JW is the most eligible mate you could ever find, so go for it

  A JW is the most sensible neighbour you could ever have, so contact folks in your congo if a brother is in need of an apartment

  A JW makes for the best employer and employees

  Once you involve yourself and exit, you are in for a shit through and through.

  Though we are still in and not contemplating an exit
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  Found Sheep

  Please ignor the troll he like to change topic!

  so Robert7 havent met you yet You've been here a while but don't post a lot. Glad you and your lady are out and well
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  Robert7

  Thanks FS... you have a PM.
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  mankkeli

  Found Sheep - I though you retired from this malicious sarcasm.
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  james_woods

  Found Sheep - I though you retired from this malicious sarcasm.

  Nope, and guess what? She is not the only one to call out an off-topic troll here.