How would you have handled this incident?

by garyneal 11 Replies latest jw friends

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  garyneal

  This incident is past but reading a thread concerning someone wanting to invite her JW mom to her son's birthday party brought this memory back, how I handled the incident then, and how I would've handled it today knowing what I now know.

  My wife and I had a family reunion a few years ago (at least 3, probably more) and it happened on my aunt's birthday. My mom, being who she is, brought a birthday cake to the party and wanted to surprise her sister with it. Upon talking to my mother-in-law (a VERY devout JW) about it, as soon as my mom mentioned birthday she walks away. A few minutes later, my mom tells me about it and asks me what happened and I explained to her their religious views on birthdays. Nutty as they come if you ask me. Upon asking me how we should go about handling it, I simply suggested that she should do the cake but not make a big announcement.

  Thinking back on that moment, I think I err'd in my handling it. However, I still am not sure what would be the best way to go about it. On the one hand, it is a family reunion, not a birthday party, so turning it into a birthday party was unexpected. On the other hand, if there had not been any Jehovah's Witnesses at the event (basically all my family, my wife's uncle and his family, and all of my wife's relatives on her dad's side of the family), then I don't think anyone would've been at all offended at the unexpected gesture. I certainly would not have.

  My God, these people are so loopy that I find it difficult to engage in any everyday activities without my wondering who I am offending. I've had it.

  Anyway, how would you have handled it?
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  Broken Promises

  Why should everyone bend to the beliefs of one person, particularly over a belief which isn't supported by the Bible?

  If your mother-in-law has an issue over someone else's birthday cake, then she should just make herself discreet. Go into the kitchen to clean up and pretend to be busy, or have an urgent need to go to the toilet. That's what I would have done if I was still a JW and found myself in that situation.
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  mamalove

  Let them have cake! If people leave...then they do. True colors. I am not into changing for the majority because a minority chooses to make a big deal about stuff.
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  garyneal

  Why should everyone bend to the beliefs of one person, particularly over a belief which isn't supported by the Bible?

  Thanks for your answer, BP. Unfortunately, there was still my father-in-law, my wife's aunts, and some of her cousins there that were also witnesses. So it wasn't just one person.

  Truth is, though, now that I think back, I do wonder why did I allow for us to bend to the beliefs of them. Never-the-less, my wife is a witness and I guess I was trying to go by the golden rule. Funny, if no other witness were at the event, my wife would've had no problem at all with the birthday celebration as she was still celebrating herself at the time.
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  garyneal

  Let them have cake! If people leave...then they do. True colors. I am not into changing for the majority because a minority chooses to make a big deal about stuff.

  Yeah, I am tending to lean that way too now.
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  Scully

  I can remember when I was in elementary school and the national anthem was played and sung at the beginning of every school assembly. The JW kids were all expected to sit quietly while everyone else participated. We weren't allowed to make a scene or tell everyone that what they were doing was Idol Worship™ - we just had to STFU and wait respectfully until it was over.

  That same behaviour was expected in public when someone was having Happy Birthday sung to them, or when we had to sit through a Christmas assembly at school.

  For whatever reason, in the past 10 years or so, I've noticed a trend among devoutly religious people (not just JWs) to demand that other people acquiesce to their sensitivities so as not to cause them offense. I think it's high time for people who want to celebrate with others on their birthdays, or other holidays - whatever their origin might be - to take back the right to tell those overly sensitive individuals to suck it up, STFU and wait respectfully until it's over.
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  garyneal

  I think it's high time for people who want to celebrate with others on their birthdays, or other holidays - whatever their origin might be - to take back the right to tell those overly sensitive individuals to suck it up, STFU and wait respectfully until it's over.

  Agreed. Granted, I can understand the schools not celebrating any holidays (consider that not just witnesses don't celebrate Xmas). Still, why can't we also just celebrate them all (Hannukah, Kwanza, Xmas, etc.)?

  * Err, did I commit the biggest mistake for a former IFB? Did I actually use Xmas instead of CHRISTmas. That's heresy according to my old IFB pastor.
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  Morbidzbaby

  I would have told the dubs that they can make themselves scarce...go in the kitchen and study for the Watchtower while everyone else sings and has cake. I agree with mamalove. The wishes of the minority should not decide what the majority will do. You shouldn't have to aquiesce to a few sensitive dubs. Let them do what they would do if you were at a wedding and there was a toast going on. Get up, go to the bathroom until it's done, and STFU about it.

  OH and regarding "Xmas"...

  Wikipedia: " Xmas " is a common abbreviation of the word " Christmas ". It is sometimes pronounced / ' ? k s m ? s / , but it, and variants such as "Xtemass", originated as handwriting abbreviations for the typical pronunciation / ' k r ? s m ? s / . The "-mas" part is from the Latin-derived Old English word for " Mass ", [1] while the "X" comes from the Greek letter Chi , which is the first letter of the Greek word Χριστ?ς , translated as " Christ ". [2]

  There is a common misconception that the word Xmas is a secular attempt to remove the religious tradition from Christmas [3] by taking the "Christ" out of "Christmas".

  So it's okay...
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  Black Sheep

  I'd make the cake myself

  
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  wobble

  Good thread Gary, and may I say to Scully, you rock! I love your no nonsense approach to everything.

  I try to live by the Golden Rule, like you mentioned, but I do not see that as incompatible with possibly "giving offense" to JW's or any other person who is ridiculously sensitive about how I wish to live and act.

  If someone is "offended" they do not die, they are "offended", so what ???? Did Jesus worry about those that got offended as he sat and ate with sinners ?

  If I am in the situation you describe and a JW relative is rude by removing themselves I would tell them what I thought, but that may not be for you or others, that is just me.

  But we cannot spend our lives, and waste our freedom of conscience, by always making room for their crazy beliefs.

  As long as we are not brash and uncaring about it, we must take back the right to give offense.