Do you get constant "digs" by JWs that still talk with you?

skeeter1

My personal story: I grew up as a JW, left, went to college, and have a career. I have a spouse, married for many moons, wonderful kids, normal house, cute dog, and newer cars. The "American Dream". My spouse and I are super happy.

My older JW sibling has NEVER married, has no children, and still lives at home. No chance of changing.

This JW sibling puts "digs" in all the time, and has for years. Right now, I just want to SCREAM. You all have to be my sounding board.

A while back, another of my relatives (not a JW) got fairly rich in his 20s. Something about Internet Gambling, business telephone systems, etc. So, of course, he is able to build a multi-million dollar home. Every time this relative was mentioned it was always prefaced with, "And, he didn't go to college. He doesn't have to work 40 hours a week . . . . " This went on for over 10 years. I got the last laugh. This relative is now in jail. So, now the JW relative needs a new comparison.

These past few months, another relative (whom I absolutely adore) was able to buy a super nice house on the cheap. This relative is also NOT a JW, and I've fairly innoculated this relative on cults and JWS. Both this spouse and family completed college, have a great house, newer cars, kids, and a dog. . . . .

So, my JW sibling is visiting me, but is constantly, constantly, constantly, constantly talking about the relative and comparing what this relative has to me. Things said these past few days include:

Their house is bigger then yours
Their house was a better deal then yours
Their ceiling is higher then yours.
Their house is like a mansion
Their house has two master bedrooms
Their house has larger bedrooms then yours
Their house has an upstairs loft/living room landing
Their house is surrounded by other houses with kids
Their house has a porch that goes around the whole house (mine doesn't)
Their dues and taxes are cheaper then yours.
They want more kids, why don't you have more kids.
Their kids are so smart (I have a child with a learning disability) . . .

I am not jealous, but am geniunely very happy for my relative and their family that is doing so well. I helped this relative get through college by paying a semester's tuition, always bought nice presents, been there to talk with that family. Now, we live in different parts of the country, and we still e-mail and speak on the phone. Am I jealous that they are doing well? No. That family has worked for everything they have. I am rather proud.

For the most part, I have ignored my digging JW relative. For the past three days, about every conversation has been about my relatives that are doing so well. I did finally say yesterday that "What you can "get" in my area is completely different. Plus, the housing market has radically changed. I am geniounly happy for them" I could have thrown in, "Well, they both went to college." But, I don't want my JW relative to feel like the Watchtower is on the line. I have to tow the line.

Why do JWs act like this? They are super judgemental, and, if I might say so, materialistic. This JW is fixated on what someone else has!

I think it's because I speak out against the Jehovah's Witnesses. My JW relatives want me to fail, and get delight over any failure they can try to fluff up. Then, if they see me defend, it can be said, "Oh, Skeeter is jealous ..." Nothing is farther from the truth.

Any thougths on what I should do or say?

Sometimes I think, "Shunning has its good points (never have to deal wth these people again!)"

Skeeter

Think About It

JW's are a strange mentality and sub-culture. In what other religion do people drive around and openly claim which houses they will take over after Armageddon?

I'm not a big advocate of this.....but, the only way to put JW's in their place is to be snarky with them.

Think About It

NewChapter

Your sibling has nothing, will never have anything, and will never be self sufficient. That's all. They imagine that by making comparisons they are pulling you down a notch, which is ridiculous. So if you'd like your own digs that won't sound like jealousy. . . here are a few.

I find it IMMODEST to compare material things. (JW's love this word)

Well the bible says we don't do things into comparison to others.

Or, be proactive. YOU say, wow, their ceiling is higher than mine! I'm so happy for them. It makes me feel good that I helped them with college so they could have such a nice life. Don't you think?

NC

skeeter1

Think About It! I thought of a come-back.

"Well, I guess you are going to move into (Relative's) house at Armegheddon and not mine." LOL!!!!!!!!!

New Chapter!

Love it!!!!

Scully

It's simple.

She's miserable and she is trying to find a way to make you miserable or at least unhappy with your life. She's been promised her whole life that if she did what the WTS said, she wouldn't want for anything - and then she sees you and this other relative who are not JWs having material success through hard work and planning (imagine that!), and it creates emotional turmoil for her in the form of jealousy and hostility, which makes her want to have someone else to justify her feelings (you).

What seems to work for me with that kind of person is to (a) make a point of telling them how satisfied you are with life the way it is (b) make sure they know that you are super-pleased for the person you are being compared to, and (c) ask them why they seem so jealous of someone who has worked hard for everything they have and is successful in their life.

Taking the high road seems to shut them up too: "It's really not polite to 'keep score' or make these kinds of comparisons. It just makes you look petty and jealous of them, when you could be happy for them."

skeeter1

Thanks Scully!!!!

keyser soze

So, my JW sibling is visiting me, but is constantly, constantly, constantly, constantly talking about the relative and comparing what this relative has to me.

Just so I'm clear, this is the same sibling that has never married, never had children, and still lives at home?

skeeter1

Keyser - the JW sibling was never married, lives at home, etc. The JW sibling is comparing me with another relative who isn't a JW, but is married, with kids, new home, etc. This "another relative" never talks against the JWs, and is friendly with everyone regardless of religion.

IsaacJ22

The digs I used to get were usually different. Less about material things, more about spiritual things. Some used to come to my place of work--people I never met but who know my wife--to chat with me about my wife. Then they would make smart comments OVER THEIR SHOULDER as they were leaving about how they were going to make it through Armageddon and I was going to be sorry.

When I asked them to repeat their comments, they'd just run away as if I hadn't said anything.

Part of the problem is that my wife used to go to them to vent about me, and when you combine this with the "worldly husband" stereotype, I was already a bad buy no matter how nice I was to them in person. Note that my wife has had some psychological problems and wouldn't take her medication. :-( She is doing better with this now.

These days, most the digs I get are online, like on Facebook or G+. Thankfully, I no longer work in a job that forces me to deal with the public where any JW with a chip on their shoulder can come find me.

You could try simply asking them, "What would Jesus think if he heard you say that? Oh yeah, he just did."

I'm an atheist. But maybe this will make them more self conscious of their actions. They're setting a bad example to the "worldly" public as well.

bohm

"her house is bigger than yours!"

> yes it must be nice with the extra space, i would go absolutely crazy if i had to live at home with my parents, spouse and i feel so bad for you.

or come up with some good digs of your own, like asking if she has plans to move out, to get married, etc.

Do you get constant "digs" by JWs that still talk with you?

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