Why are people so determined to be miserable?

by Sunchild 14 Replies latest jw friends

Sunchild

As I was reading through a few of YK's words of wisdom, I found myself wondering about that very question. How often have you heard these statements given by Christians in particular (and sorry to pick on you guys, but it's the easiest example):
"When I get to Heaven...."
"The world is getting worse and worse."
"Moral decline"
"Original sin"
"I am a sinner."
"Satan (insert accustation here)"
What purpose does all of this stuff serve except to feed one's personal misery and, in the case of your pushier groups, force that misery on others? What does believing this sort of thing do besides nurse feelings powerlessness, sadness and anger? And if you believe that the world you live in is a horrible, rotten, worthless place and that you'll only find "relief" when you die, how does that encourage you to make the most of your life now instead of pining away for what may or may not happen years and years from now? To me, that seems so... empty.
I know that not all Christians focus on these things (thank goodness!), but an awful lot of them do. I also know that Christianity doesn't hold a monopoly on scary, bleak religion, but it just happens to be the one I'm most familiar with. But even though I used to be a JW myself, I just can't understand why anyone would devote their whole life to a cause that feeds on suffering. Nor can I quite understand why so many of such causes exist.
*Rochelle.
---------
"I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death -- if you aren't as big a bunch of dunderheads as I usually have to teach."
-- Professor Severus Snape, Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone.
ianao

Many folks I know who have low self esteem seem to relish the thought that they are meant to be miserable. I guess it's a good excuse for not making a life for themselves. Those who can't do it, dream it.
flower

Do you really hear a lot of those things from Christians? Because to me it sounds like dub-talk. I have met and come to know and heard stories and talks from Christians and I dont hear that kind of talk coming from them. They are enthusiastic about life..here and now. Yes they believe that all man are sinners and that they have a heavenly hope after dying but at the same time they believe that this world is a wonderful place with caring, loving people in it. I know christians who enjoy life to the fullests and love many things about this world.
I truly wish everyone would stop stereotyping groups of people. I have been guilty of it too so I'm not exempt. But we need to work on this because everyone is an individual. I dont think its fair to even say the 'majority' of any particular group acts a certain way out of respect for the ones that dont. Its one thing to be talking about JW's or Mormons or other small cult like groups but its so hard to make general statements about a group as broad as christians or athiests ect. There is just too much room for various ideas and beleifs within that title to be lumping them all together.
just MHO
flower
Sunchild

Do you really hear a lot of those things from Christians?
Yes... I do. Maybe it's just because my mom is a borderline fundy now and I've been hanging around this board too much, but I do get this sort of thing a lot. JWs, suicide bombers, fundies and fanatics and people who are just too damn pushy and insist that unless you share their beliefs, you're on your way to Hell.... Maybe there aren't that many of them; maybe it's just that they're so LOUD and the sensible people don't yell as much.
In any case, I didn't say that all Christians or even most of them act like that or that they held a monopoly on misery. It's just the readiest example because of where I live.
*Rochelle.
---------
"I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death -- if you aren't as big a bunch of dunderheads as I usually have to teach."
-- Professor Severus Snape, Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone.
Nannygoat

Hi Rochelle,
I think in many ways you are correct. Sometimes people are miserable out of habit. I was for many years and it took a hell of a lot of work to change that. I was raised in the dubs and of course, dub thinking is negative thinking. But there is a difference between dubs thinking and the thinking patterns of many Christians I know. Christians do believe some of the things you've mentioned:
"When I get to Heaven...."
"The world is getting worse and worse."
"Moral decline"
"Original sin"
"I am a sinner."
"Satan (insert accustation here)"
In fact, I believe some of these are true as well. I do have a heavenly hope. I do believe there is a moral decline in this world. I do believe I'm a sinner. But I don't allow those facts in my mind, bring me to a negative thinking pattern. If you speak with anyone who knows me, I am a pretty positive person. I think positively and live positively not in spite of the above mentioned, but because of the above mentioned.
I have a tendency to agree with flower's statement:
Because to me it sounds like dub-talk. I have met and come to know and heard stories and talks from Christians and I dont hear that kind of talk coming from them. They are enthusiastic about life..here and now. Yes they believe that all man are sinners and that they have a heavenly hope after dying but at the same time they believe that this world is a wonderful place with caring, loving people in it. I know christians who enjoy life to the fullests and love many things about this world.
I think this is more dub talk than anything. I believe I have many gifts in this world...animals, friends, learning experiences, love, money, possessions, spirituality, etc. They are not to be taken for granted or taken advantage of. They are what makes my life positive! I have so much to be thankful for!
Thanks for such a great post!
Andi
patio34

Hi Sunchild,
It seems to me that this type of mindset is set up to create a need. If everyone is okay with their lives, etc., what need is there for a religion? First, the JWs have to convince people that there is a need for their solution. Hence, the misery mindset of the JWs.
And, IMHO, the Bible itself does the same sort of thing:
'the whole world is wicked and lying in the power of the wicked one,' blessed are the meek... I am the way and life.... the world and its desire is passing away...come to me all you who are toiling...just a little while longer and the wicked will be no more...the wolf will lie down with the sheep..
And verses of that ilk.
For what it's worth,
Pat
Sunchild

Nannygoat,
In fact, I believe some of these are true as well. I do have a heavenly hope. I do believe there is a moral decline in this world. I do believe I'm a sinner. But I don't allow those facts in my mind, bring me to a negative thinking pattern.
And that's the key. The beliefs themselves don't necessarily have to lead to misery and disempowerment: it's the position you give them in your life and what sort of emphasis you place on the darker aspects.
Like the heavenly hope, for example. If you believe that mortal life is pretty darn worthwhile and cool, but something even better lies ahead, I do see how this could be a positive thing. But that's not what I've heard most often, at least not from the people who most readily identify themselves to me as Christian. Usually, they emphasize the whole sinfulness/Satan/suffering thing as if this life is worthless and only life after death is good. Of course, these are also the same ones who tell me I'm going to Hell for not seeing things the way they do.
*Rochelle.
---------
"I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death -- if you aren't as big a bunch of dunderheads as I usually have to teach."
-- Professor Severus Snape, Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone.
BQE

I was for many years and it took a hell of a lot of work to change that
Can you please share what exactly you did? Im still kind of stuck in that "miserable" mode, kind of, even 20 years after my DFing.
Thanks I really appreciate it. Email me if you like.
Billygoat

(If you didn't know it already I'm the same person as Nannygoat. I didn't realize I was using my secondary user ID.)
Sunchild,
You hit the nail on the head with me! Yes, I do believe that mortal life is pretty darn worthwhile and cool. Haha! I love life. Even when it's crappy, there is something to be observed, learned, and shared with others. As a Christian, I believe that my Life's purpose is to LOVE. That was Christ's directive to his followers. The Golden Rule. If you do that first and foremost in your life, the rest comes naturally...and usually with rich rewards. But just because I believe in a heavenly hope, does NOT mean, I believe that only Life after Death is good. I have a purpose on this earth. And if I don't fulfill that purpose, I don't necessarily believe my promise of a heavenly life will be fulfilled. (Not necessarily biblical, but just my personal thought.) I firmly believe in my heart, that if someone is following the directive of Christ to love, they will never ever tell you to believe as they do or you're going to hell. I guess that why I hope my example of Christianity stands apart from the fundy Christobabblers...I will never judge - it's not my job. Besides, how loving is that to tell someone they're going to hell when you have NO IDEA??? *shaking head* I just don't get fundies. Haha!
BQE,
How did I change my negative thinking patterns? I did several things.
First of all, I went to counseling. I had a major major unhealthy mindset and it needed professional help. If you're foot hurts you see a podiatrist. If your eyes aren't working, you see an optometrist. I felt my thinking was a bit wired wrong and I need to fix it. I had a big issue with the stigma of seeing a shrink, but once I saw the difference the sessions made in my life, I got over it. I've seen several good counselors over a period of 11 years and all of them had at least one or two positive things to share with me and help me out with. None of them were perfect, but collectively I believe they've made me a better person.
Secondly, I started keeping a blessing journal. Blessing journal, positive gift journal, whatever you want to call it. I started physically keeping track of the good things in my life. The smell of a rose. A good book. Some really bleak days it was just "breathing." Haha! But focusing on the good stuff instead of the bad stuff makes a huge difference. Try this exercise:
Take 15 seconds to look around you. How many red items can you see? Try to mentally list them. Now...close your eyes and start listing how many green items you remember. Hard isn't it? Why? Because you were focused on the red items - not the green. Focusing on positive stuff is the same way. When I realized it was just a matter of changing my focus I realized I could really change my pattern of thinking from a negative person to a positive person. Changing thinking patterns means you can change your being.
Those are the two major things that helped me. There are others...if you're interested let me know. Hope it helps!
Andi
BQE

Thanks so much for your reply! Yes I am interested can you please email me?

Why are people so determined to be miserable?

Share this