Has domestic abuse against JW women relented over the last 10 years? Discuss.

cedars

Hi everyone

Soft+gentle, who I'm sure we are all very fond of, has been expressing some strong opinions on my thread below:

http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/watchtower/bible/218861/1/UK-charity-Refuge-gives-response-to-WT-article-on-domestic-abuse

As soft+gentle's opinions seem to be undermining the seriousness of domestic abuse, I thought the best thing would be to give soft+gentle the opportunity to defend his or her opinions on his or her very own thread. That way, you can all give her the support that he or she needs, and prove that I am being hysterical by trying to raise awareness of the Society's damaging domestic abuse rhetoric.

Here is what soft+gentle said:

I agree that witnesses privilige the sanctity of marriage over life and that the society is misogynistic and naive in how they apply their principles. But from what I have seen most of the truly horrorifying cases of domestic abuse are not recent - by recent I mean in the last 10 years. It seems to me that nowadays couples do call the police and separation is encouraged. Within the congregation both parties are given help and strong counsel where needed. Once the police are involved and if there are children, social services also get involved. I'm really glad about the outside help victims and their children are given.

Is he or she right? Soft+gentle claims that he or she reached his or her conclusions after talking to people on this forum, and indeed, domestic abuse charities. Therefore, she should have unanimous backing, and I will be publically shamed. But so be it.

(Soft+gentle - I hope you will enjoy defending your views on this, your very own thread. With greatest respect, please now leave my thread alone.)

Discuss.

Cedars

flipper

CEDARS- I can only tell you from my own JW family's experience that Soft & Gentle is mistaken if he or she thinks the WT society's stance is more supportive towards getting rid of abuse in marriages of ANY kind . My nephew's JW wife was abusive to him, knocking him down stairs , she had a substance abuse problem, destroyed his computer by trashing it, and she had bipolar disorder and depression which she refused to get treatment for. Made my nephews life a living hell. The elders dizzying advice to my nephew ? They told him to stay with her and work it out. When they found out he was divorcing her and splitting up with her they asked him, " Do you have any scriptural grounds for divorcing and spitting up ? " My nephew slammed the door in their face and told them it was " none of their business. "

Bottom line is the WT society would rather have bad marriages and people suffering and beating the $hit out of one another to save the " face ' of the organization than truly wanting JW members to have peace and happiness. It's all about WT society controlling people and outward appearance of how the WT organization " looks "

cedars

Bottom line is the WT society would rather have bad marriages and people suffering and beating the $hit out of one another to save the " face ' of the organization than truly wanting JW members to have peace and happiness. It's all about WT society controlling people and outward appearance of how the WT organization " looks " . Peace out, Mr. Flipper

Yes, that is how it looks to me too. Glad I'm not the only one!

I was sorry to read your nephew's experience. It just goes to show that the Society's ineptitude towards cases of domestic violence impacts on men as well as women.

Cedars

ABibleStudent

Here is what soft+gentle said:
I agree that witnesses privilige the sanctity of marriage over life and that the society is misogynistic and naive in how they apply their principles. But from what I have seen most of the truly horrorifying cases of domestic abuse are not recent - by recent I mean in the last 10 years. It seems to me that nowadays couples do call the police and separation is encouraged. Within the congregation both parties are given help and strong counsel where needed. Once the police are involved and if there are children, social services also get involved. I'm really glad about the outside help victims and their children are given.

@ soft+gentle - How will seperation allow JWs to heal from domestic abuse and move on with their lives? Seperated JWs are not allowed to have plutonic close friendships between different sex JWs, date, or marry, if they meet someone they love and returns their love. All seperated JWs can do is go to meetings, go on FS, be treated as second class citizens (especially if you are an attractive woman), work, eat, sleep, and be constantly afraid of doing something that the elders/hounders will not like.

Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

Robert

Band on the Run

Since it would be impossible to interview every couple in JW land to see if domestic violence occurred, there is no way to know for certain. I can point to cultural and doctrinal matters that would encourage domestic violence and lead women to feel they are less than a man. They are so obvious to a casual observer. The recent WT article is chilling recent evidence. It is not some hidden, cultural addition but the official organ of the wTBTS.

As long as men are valued more than women and women cannot perform certain roles, there will be shame about being born female.

People will stay quiet so as not to bring a bad name to the Witnesses. The mind control will encourage victims to run to the useless brothers rather than the police.

Modern psychology knows many of the features that lead to abuse. The WT enshrines almost every one. The results are predictable.

I could cite my experience but one would need all experiences in a very secretive org. My mom would lie to high heaven to protect her husband. This from the same woman who would discipline me for slight lies.

beth_

Trying a new browser...

beth_

Ok, here's what I wrote the first time that didn't post:

9 years ago my husband and I witnessed domestic abuse at a small JW gathering. My best friend's brother got drunk (found out later he was an alcoholic, I think he was 21 at the time). His fairly newlywed wife said something jokingly to him that he didn't like, he yelled at her which got everyone's attention so we all saw him push her into the tall china cabinet which almost fell on her -- glasses and china fell all over the floor. The closest people to her were able to catch the hutch. He then drove off drunk extremely fast. The real kicker? his wife had had open heart surgery the week before and he pushed her in the chest!

This abuse went on for two years, so up until 7 years ago. We didn't live in the same town, but we heard from my parents and his brother (my friend) of other instances of him hurting her in private and in public. Also 2 or 3 DUI's, I think he lost his license for quite a while. Finally he got so bad that his wife ran to a JW neighbor's house where he tried to break down their door and then tried to break a window, wouldn't leave when they told him to, and stood screaming at her on their porch while the neighbors watched. They called the police and he spent a night in jail and that is what finally got him df'd (since it was a ministerial servant's house he was trying to break into to get at his wife).

So yeah, they did something about it after two YEARS of having other JW's witness his crazy abusive behavior and report it to them. The first instance at least three of us separately went to the elders. He was reinstated within a year...

cedars

beth_

He was reinstated within a year...

That was jaw-droppingly shocking. Pushing her in the chest a week after open heart surgery?? Unbelievable.

Are they still married and cohabiting?

Cedars

beth_

cedars: Yep, they're still married. They had two girls after he was reinstated. I don't ask about him anymore -- his parents are too embarrassed to talk about him so they don't tell my parents anything, and my friend/his brother married a non JW and became an apostate before me :) -- his brother won't have anything to do with him now. So, I really don't know if he still drinks or is at all abusive.

His wife's dad is a convicted (spent time in prison) pedophile, and they let her parents watch the kids, so I don't know what it would take for her to leave him.

Has domestic abuse against JW women relented over the last 10 years? Discuss.

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