When you were active, did you feel you would survive Armageddon?

by Band on the Run 50 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  WTWizard

  By the time I put together the information, it was obvious that only people at the highest levels, and those putting in at least 200 hours of premium quality field circus, and doing it solely for Jehovah, would even have a chance. Everyone else was just struggling to attain to that level, which almost no one even did. Those putting in 180 hours of field circus and Jehovah felt could have done 220 would die. Those making a slip-up and blowing a call would die if Jehovah thinks that call could have been saved. Those not going out, despite being very sick or in extremely hot or dangerous conditions, and missing the opportunity to reach someone that could have been "saved" would die. Think about anything that the Washtowel condemns, you die. You have a few extra toilet papers you are putting toward something you really want or need? Give it to the Worldwide Pedophile Defense Fund, or die. Pious-sneer, or die. You have something (anything) for personal use, and the congregation could use it and you keep it for yourself, you die. And so on.

  And it didn't take long to realize that getting that prize was going to be more than I could do--even while I was studying, they were harping on the need to get rid of everything that meant anything to me. You get a Christmas song in your head? It has to go--its being there means you are going to die. You need more than 4 hours' sleep per night to function? Too bad--cut it down to 4 hours a night or die. You enjoy those colored lights and decorations of a well-decorated house during Halloween or Christmas? The fact you enjoy it is enough to die, if Armageddon comes and you are still not totally sickened. Music? There were 225 songs you could enjoy. If you enjoy anything else, you die. It was going to be field circus all the time, with nothing but the endless routine of field circus, boasting sessions, and studying those Washtowel rags.

  And I didn't feel I could fit in at that level. They made it so it's all or nothing. You enjoy field circus but only do 180 hours a month or take off when conditions are too dangerous, that's not good enough. You enjoy music that goes along with the Kingdumb maladies but the Filthful and Disgraceful Slavebugger didn't put it out, or you modify the Kingdumb maladies, that's not good enough. I prefer doing things at a pace that's sustainable to me--not to what someone else claims I should be doing. And that was never good enough for those witlesses.
• 

  Londo111

  Amen and Amen! Yes, I felt the basic message was: Pioneer or die!
• 

  Franklin Massey

  No. For a while I thought I could, eventually, be worthy if the system was allowed to continue on. But when I made a mistake, more than the feeling of guilt, was the feeling that Armageddon could come before I could demonstrate repentance. Armageddon wouldn't come and so I would go back to the quest of being a better JW. Then it hit me that no matter how hard I tried, I would never reach a place where I felt I was good enough for God.
• 

  alias

  I could only hope in "probably" (that one scripture).

  Never had / assumed any kind of certainty.

  alias
• 

  Knowsnothing

  Well, we don't really have to worry about that anymore. We all know it was one big guilt trip. We have the arsenal of information on our side.

  I agree with Londo and WTWizard.
• 

  clarity

  No not really.

  Maybe most felt that way, so we were always told to "picture yourself", "imagine" what it would be like ... in the new system.

  If it was a REAL destination, would there be so much picturing and imagining and pretending.

  Yes, and then there was that scripture, "probably you may be hidden in the day of jehovah" Huh!

  As a good sport, I tried to conform, but not thinking for a minute that I would make it.

  clarity
• 

  Franklin Massey

  Alias and Clarity, I'm glad you brought up that "probably" scripture. This was read during a public talk last week. The "probably" was glaring to me. But the speaker, after reading the scripture, said, "Here we have a promise of Jehovah's protection." Of course, everyone nods in agreement. I wanted to stand up and say, "What kind of God says, 'I'll probably take care of you?'"

  It's like God is the flaky friend who borrows money on the premise that he will "probably" pay you back. You almost have to assume that you are not going to see that money.
• 

  Jim_TX

  Well, remember that when I left, there was no internet (as we now know it - there was, but it was just colleges & universities that had it). So, there were no forums or sharing of information. So, I was alone with my thoughts that I could not express to anyone else, lest I be scorned and chastized.

  Anyway, I felt that I was the worst of the worst. Especially after listening to, and reading about - all those who were attaining great and wonderous goals of enlightenment and field service, etc.

  Don't get me wrong... at one time I went door-to-door a lot. Since I worked on the weekends, I was able to go out weekdays. No - I was not a pioneer. I didn't like the commitment that it required. So, I just went out and got a lot of hours in.

  Later, after I got married, I felt that I was not a good person. So, in order to not be 'bad association' I quit going to meetings. I didn't tell anyone why, as that would be bringing attention to myself that I didn't want. I felt that I was not good enough to be a JW. Couldn't meet up to their 'high standards'. If there was going to be an Armageddon... I wouldn't survive it.

  You may be thinking that I was into some really bad stuff. You would be wrong. I wasn't smoking or drinking or doing drugs... or anything else that we were taught to be soooooo bad. I was just... I dunno... weary, perhaps?

  It wasn't until later... around 1999 or 2000 when the internet was a bit more accessible, that I started looking around and discovered others. Yes, others that felt similar to me about the JWs and the religion. I wasn't alone. There were others that had similar thoughts.

  Regards,

  Jim TX
• 

  clearpoison

  No, not really. Since early teens it was kind of clear to me that I was not good (clean and spriritual) enough to enter the new world order. It didn't stop me from participating in various theocratic activities, I thought this was a good way to walk anyway even when I won't make it through. Now if A would come it would not really matter to me, as I do not want to enter paradise as it is described.

  CP
• 

  its_me!

  I never thought I would survive. No matter how many meetings I attended or how many hours I spent in field service I endured every month, I never enjoyed it. It never made me happy. It made me so damn miserable. That is how I knew I was "wicked". I tried so hard, and on the outside, everyone thought I was doing great, but on the inside, I hated it. I kept doing it thinking that I would finally "click" and be a happy servant of Jah, like they always said they were. All those pioneers, making endless comments at the meetings about how much deep joy they gained from doing this "wonderful" work. I never felt it. Even when I auxhilliary( never know how to spell that) pioneered for 6 months out of every year. I HATED it. I hated knocking on peoples' doors and annoying the crap out of them. I hated the hokey embarrassing parts at the meetings and conventions. I hated most of all the self-righteous, judgemental attitudes of all of the pioneer "Pillars of the Congregation". Ugh. So, no, I did not think that I would survive, but then again, that wasn't why I was serving. I was making myself miserable trying to do what I was taught was the only right thing to do in the world since the day I was born. I was force fed that garbage from the moment I came into existence.