Received a nice facebook message from an old JW friend

by troubled mind 13 Replies latest jw friends

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  troubled mind

  " I really miss you guys ,I hope some day you will come back . How are you feeling after surgery? "

  I responded thanking her for her concern ,and totally ignored the 'come back' plea . Our conversation went back and forth for some time just talking about family and such .

  She is a young woman that I befriended when she moved into the congregation after marriage . SHe hates living here and never has felt like she fits in because the congregation is divided into cliques . Her MIL is super zealous and over bearing . She is such a nice girl I really do feel for her . I know if I say too much her cult personality will shut her down .

  We stayed in contact after I faded and she would stop by with the magazines , but someone told her she had to stop ,and she did . Have not heard form her for about three yrs !

  I am so tempted to at least tell her why 'coming back' is not an option ,but I don't want to shut her off in case she is looking for someone to reach out to.

  I was thinking of messaging her back and asking How she is coping and letting it progress from there ....? Or should I just let sleeping dogs lay ?
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  Free!!

  thread carefully... you can help her see the light... but dont over do it or push it too much because you may lose her... imho
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  troubled mind

  That's what I was thinking too ....
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  undercover

  Yes, threading carefully, or treading carefully even is good advice.

  Since it's been awhile since corresponding, I think I would just let the "come back" comment lie and concentrate on physical health and well being. If she continues to keep the conversations going, maybe over time you can feel out her situation and broach the subject... but not now, for sure.
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  snare&racket

  You could approach it in a way to be looking for help.. E.g,

  "I don't know what to think or feel and I feel like I can't talk to anyone....... Then tell her everything!"
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  OnTheWayOut

  Be careful about anything you put down in writing. Well-meaning people can turn that over to someone else.
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  troubled mind

  Snare & Racket ,No I don't play games like that, and I hope I would never play the victim .

  My instinct is more along the lines of , " Thank you for being so kind and of thinking of us . I miss you too ! You know my door is always open . I am very happy in my life now ,more than I have ever been, and would not want to change that for anything . Good hearing from you ." ......to me that leaves her wondering WHY I am so happy, when the JWs always say those that leave are sad and miserable .
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  nugget

  This is tricky if you wish to maintain fading status then be very careful what you say since anything you put in writing may been seen by people other than the intended recipient. Also if you are fading as soon as you contact a witness you come back onto the radar.
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  Morbidzbaby

  Ditto nugget... You don't want to be a blip on the JW radar. You never know, they might one day be in service in your area and decide that since you're so open to talking to ONE of them, you'd be willing to accept a visit and some rags. You don't want that... Keep it on Facebook. Don't make a huge effort to communicate openly. If she wants to talk, let her come to you. It may sound mean since she already DID come to you, but seeing as how you're afraid her cult personality will come out, you need to be very careful in how you write to her. It's fine to say you're happy, you're enjoying life, etc. If she asks WHY you faded, be vague. Something like "My life was just getting overcrowded with things", "The stress of having to make all the meetings was taking a toll on my health", "I was depressed/discouraged for a while"...etc. SOMETHING, but not anything incriminating.

  This is why I don't have any active JW's on my Facebook. I have DF'ed, inactive and awake, and one who is fading and awake. Other than that, I make sure none of them is in contact with any JW's I know, and if they are, I block that JW just in case lol. I kind of don't care anymore if I'm DF'ed...but it's not something I'm actively seeking.
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  Morbidzbaby

  Double post