Howdy all. Just a small commentary for those so inclined to read on what I think is a very important factor to successfully leaving JW's and moving on with your life.
It is understandable to leave at a bad/low point in your life. Jehovah’s Witnesses are a cult, and whether they force you out, or you choose to leave on your own, it’s still on their terms. I think we all get mad that they got to dictate the terms for us. I can’t talk to my friends… still. Why not? Because they won’t let my friends talk to me. Ridiculous!
Maybe they still are dictating terms. Maybe you have family members who have made the unconscious decision to support the Governing Body instead of your family. That sucks, and frankly, there isn’t a whole lot we can do. I mean, if we could, we would close it down, picket, you know, think of things that have never been tried before.
I joke of course, this forum frequently discusses how to bring down JW’s. Nothing better then revenge. Nothing more noble than saving the unwary from this one predatory group (out of many predatory groups that exist honestly.)
I say all of this because there will always be something negative to focus on, whether it be our past with JW’s, or even what they currently keep us from, such as believing family still stuck inside.
Still, we all have something even more important than that where we have the greatest control; our own lives, and our own potential happiness to pursue. At some point, we all have to ask ourselves “How much of the rest of my life am I going to dedicate in attention and energy to a group I no longer associate with or believe in?”
First of all, I have ZERO problems with you being depressed and in a negative state of mind. Anyone who is happy and has zero problems after leaving JW’s probably wears rose colored glasses all the time.
But at some point, if you believe that life is to be lived in a happy state, it’s at that point you have a decision to make. What will you focus on? The negative of the past? The positive you have now, and the potential future you have to look forward too?
Too often, we think of life as what we don’t have, without realizing what we do. I don’t know what you have, but I bet you have something that’s really cool, starting with the person starting back at you in the mirror.
It is important to realize that the glass is both half empty and half full. There is no need to ignore the bad, or pretend that the scar isn’t there. What it does mean is that there is good also, and that scars do heal, esp if you don’t pick at them all the time while they heal.
I am convinced, after 5 years out, that you taking your recovery personally and seriously, through reading, through learning, and through an effort to be positive will be one of the best gifts you can give yourself.
Notice that I am not talking about any path, any group, any philosophy. You can believe in god or not, have money or not, be a jerk or be a saint, but no matter what you are, none of that will make you happy unless you focus on the positive and decide to make your future positive.
Beware of spending too much time here. After a while, you will probably realize that you start repeating yourself. Sometimes, misery really does love company. Your life can be spent here daily rehashing the past as another day goes by. But let’s face it, your time today is the most expensive thing you could have spent on anything. There will never be another December 28, 2011 again. How did you spend this expensive day? Did it propel you where you want to go, or keep you where you are at?
Stay focused on the positive. One of the best lessons I can ever hope to learn. :)
Happy New Year, Jeff! You're POSITIVELY awesome :)