Hello everyone,
I've only recently joined but I've been lurking for well over a year. I'll just start with a bit of my story so you'll have a better idea on were I'm coming from, I've read that much of most of your posts That I feel I already know you all anyway lol.
I'm 32 years old now and for most of my life I've had Jw's around me at times, My Mom used to study on and off with them all through my child hood alough she never took the plunge I'm not sure why because even to this day she Say's she holds the same beliefs but somethings held her back so there's doubt somewhere!. Anyway, Having had the magazines around me for most my life I'd read them from time to time,but, when I reached about 17 years old I discovered nightclubs, alcohol and, well you know the rest ;-).
Fast forward to my early 20's and I'd had a failed attempt at setting up my own business, my parents had split up after 25 years together and long story short I had a nervous breakdown. During said breakdown I was reading the Bible a lot and as time passed and the medication I'd been prescribed starting working I decided I wanted pay more attention to my faith, which is when I first started studying with the Jw's! Everything went ok and I studied for around 6 months or so but I just never felt right, it just didn't seem to click with me,so I stopped studying and carried on with life.
A few years later I'd gone off the rails pretty badly, I'd developed a rather bad drinking problem and found my self in prison after a fight in a pub. Anyway upon my release from prison I decided to turn my life around for the better, I stopped drinking, cut all my old friends out my life and cleaned my act up good and proper. After being dry for 3 years and getting my life back on track I decided yet again to start studying. This time I studied with an elder for around 8-9 months. At first everything was running ok again, I started to feel a sense of direction and I thought becoming a Jw would be a really positive direction for me.
A few months into my study, my study conductor started pressuring me to answer up at meetings, I explained I had a fear of speaking up in public but I'd keep it in mind and when/if I felt the time was right I'd do it. Regardless of my honesty the pressure continued! Then he said that perhaps a shirt and tie wasn't enough and I should buy a suit, now it wasn't that I minded buying a suit, I just starting seeing a few warning signs, I could see he was trying to push my into the religion that fast, that before I knew it I'd be asking for arm bands. So that's when I came across this site and many others. I read all...The BAD stuff about the watchtower and questioned the elder on a few certain things over the coming months, I'm pretty sure at one point he started stuttering.
Anyway I could see he really didn't like the questions, He told me serving Jehovah didn't mean just studying it also meant being humble and obedient, To which I told him I couldn't agree more and that I always would do my best to be both those things but only to God not a man/men, he didn't like that. So I explained to him that I'd being doing research on line as I felt choosing a religion for life deserved a lot of thought and, well checking things out. The very next study he turned up with the Cd Rom and "Encouraged" me to use that to do my research as the Internet was full of bitter ex Jw's and nothing could be trusted. That's when I explained that alough I appreciated his time and efforts with me, I just needed a break from my studies and meetings, That was a year ago and I haven't been back since.
Anyway that's me! Sory for the long post and thank you all for the help you didn't realize you were giving me.
Chris.