Can we not write like a Jehovah's Witness tonight?

by Paralipomenon 23 Replies latest jw friends

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  Berengaria

  LOL!!!! We do not abuse alcohol.

  Is not the enjoyment of alcohol part of God's plan? Are not use, including enjoyment, far different from abuse? After all, is not a little wine good for the stomach?
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  lilbluekitty

  In these the final hours, do we not see our spouses slumbering on as the rest do while we yet remain awake on this wicked and lawless internet? Perhaps it may be beneficial for us also to rest, now that is night, for the hour is coming that we must awake and rise up and lay down and inculcate things on our hearts and on our minds, though we know not what inculcating means, though it sounds slightly erotic, brothers, does it not? Nevertheless, we must not allow ourselves to yet grow weary, for you wives must go and launder your husband's uniforms and be busy in God's (your husband's) service! "Go and eat the fatty things, and go eat the sweet things!^ Drink, and get drunk, and puke and fall down!*" (Hilarities 45:6)

  ^ "And he went on to say to them: “Go, eat the fatty things and drink the sweet things, and send portions to the one for whom nothing has been prepared; for this day is holy to our Lord, and do not feel hurt, for the joy of Jehovah is YOUR stronghold.”" Nehemiah 8:10

  * That is an actual scripture in the NWT which used to send my sister and I into fits of giggles: “And you must say to them, ‘This is what Jehovah of armies, the God of Israel, has said: “Drink and get drunk and puke and fall so that YOU cannot get up because of the sword that I am sending among YOU .”’ Jeremiah 25:27
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  sooner7nc

  AREN'T WE ALL HAPPY??!!

  (waits for canned applause like some GB dick)

  Brothers and Sisters, welcome to the "Circle Jerks, when to forsake the gathering together of your Brothers" District Convention!

  (more canned applause)

  This morning we can all be happifyed that the loving provisions for meat in due season and true Agape love have been poured out upon the face of the entire earth.

  (still more bullshit canned applause)

  Can't we....yadda yadda yadda...I'm bored now.
• 

  Berengaria

  In these the final hours, do we not see our spouses slumbering on as the rest do while we yet remain awake on this wicked and lawless internet?

  I see it sister!!
• 

  Morbidzbaby

  Have we not experienced the blessings that come from healthful recreation? Have our faces not shone with bright rosiness upon indulgence in the "healthful drink" our god provides? How happifying to be on the receiving end of such blessings!
• 

  poopsiecakes

  I love this thread...ooops I mean WE love this thread...oops WE love this thread and I (we) promise that's not because any of us have been engaging in the drinking of any intoxicating liquor. Cuz that would be bad. For me. Ooops US.
• 

  Azazel

  YOUR ALL JUST AWESOME!!!

  came home after first day of CA and one needed this thread to laugh and unwind from the shitith of the day

  thanks all

  Az
• 

  JeffT

  I'M STUMBLED! You so called brothers and sisters know I can't drink and here you are glorifying your wretched excesses in my face. I'm going to go tell Simon and have all of you hauled up in front of a committee. And if he won't do anything about it I'll call...I'll call

  who's the Circuit Overseer for this place? Next thing you know you'll be trying to get me to watch a PG-13 movie, or read Harry Potter or something demonic.

  It will be your fault if I quit going out in field service.

  By the way, anybody want to watch football tomorrow?
• 

  3rdgen

  Brothers and sisters, we are living in truely momentous times. Never forget where you first heard the accurate knowledge of the fruit of the vine. Others have said, "Lord, Lord, didn't we raise a glass in your name? Didn't we slurr our words in your name? and yet He will say, "Get away from me you drinkers of box wine, I never could stand the cheep stuff."

  Are you trying to serve 2 masters? Are you immitation drinkers? While outwardly appearing to be hammered,you secretely pour your drink in the base of a potted plant all the while the plant is more potted than you? Friends, this is no time to be slowing down. NOW, is the time to give more than the usual attention to these matters. NOW, while there is yet time for it, widen out in your love of liquer. Are you satisfied with meer "token drinking" when perhaps you could have a fuller share?
• 

  trueblue

  We are not brainwashed rejoice when they prosecute us...