More of my story, and need advice

marriedtoajw

Sorry I keep doing that!!!

I've given part of my story under my previous user name Sahara but I need some advice and so I need to give more detail. Just a refresher, my wife was baptised 4 years ago and MIL and FIL have been JW's for 40 years, I've never been a JW but am a Christian. About 18 years ago, just 2 years after my wife and I married my wife announced that she wanted to start studying with the JW's. I wanted no part of it. Around the same time my MIL visted some family of hers out of state. She actually made an offer on a house that had 4 bed/3bath without my FIL's knowledge while she was there. He had a good paying job here so it made no sence to move out of state. He was also either disfellowshipped of just inactive, don't know which cuz I never asked but he was not active. He ended up going along with it all but he asked to move in with us under the pretext of him finding a good job out there first then move there later. In the mean time he would fly other there on the weekends.

Now I thought this was just crazy but this made sence to them. The house seemed too big for just them and my wifes sister. Since the day my MIL moved in she kept bugging for us to move out there. I'd always refuse. I had a huge family here and we're all close, there was nothing out there for me. This is how it went for years, she would drop hints, I'd brush them off etc etc. FIL finally decided to move with MIL even though he couldn't find a job that paid him even half of what he was making here. He got himself reinstated and decided to make the whole JW thing work. With the real estate market booming they were taking out loan after loan traveling here and there just living it up. Then about 5 years ago they fell on really hard times and the pressure for us to move out there really took on steam.

I was going broke here too, being in commssion sales, my wife unemployed, and not really trying hard to change that I might add, we were in serious financial trouble. So, for the first time I started considering it. My inlaws were delighted and I was even looking forward to a break too cuz I was working really hard for very little for so long. I put the house up for sale and started making arrangedments to seek employment in their state but nothing panned out. My MIL supposedly got my wife and job and so it was just my employment problems holding things up. I was running out of money and the debts were piling up. Then I find out the job my MIL had for my wife was bogus and not real, it was just made up. I had to take my house off the market after 4 or 5 months buz I had to take a loan out on it. It had lots of equity and I had no money and debts were piing up and the banks were giving away money.

Then I find out that MIL took another loan out on their house to make a down payment on another house for my wifes grandparents who were just retiring and wanted to lower expences and move close to my inlaws. By this time my sister in law was married and even though they were having money troubles too, they didn't want to move in with MIL and FIL to help them. I senced something was seriously wrong with this picture. More to come....

ABibleStudent

Don't move near your MIL. She sounds like a train wreck waiting to happen and seems to believe in using Theocratic Warfare Strategy (i.e., lying) to help her get her way.

Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

Robert

ziddina

Gooooood grief!!!

WHATEVER you do, DON'T move out there just to be near your in-laws!!! They sound like SUPER-flakes!!!

In these lean times, let your financial security be the guide. If you can find a good job in the area that you're at, then STAY. If you can find decent employment in ANOTHER state - a solid job offer with decent prospects in case that job doesn't work out - and the FARTHER away from your flakey in-laws, the better!- then TAKE it, and let that be your very solid, real-life reason to NOT move near your in-laws...

As for your wife...

If you can afford it, put her into some community college classes in accounting or customer service, and get her butt employed.

Otherwise, you might see if a divorce - or better yet, a separation - would work well for you financially....

Best results to you...

Zid

Black Sheep

It sounds like they are putting too much reliance on Jehovah bailing them out with Armageddon.

You need to make it very clear to your wife that you are going to end up on the street if she doesn't get her butt out there and start earning.

Waiting on Jehovah to sort it out, isn't an option.

Billy the Ex-Bethelite

"I senced something was seriously wrong with this picture."

Trust your senses on this one.

"... my wife unemployed, and not really trying hard to change that.... Then I find out the job my MIL had for my wife was bogus and not real, it was just made up."

There really is no foundation to trust any of them. And that's really sad.

no more kool aid

Do not move near them, MIL sounds like a goofball. It sounds like they have zero financial judgment. Plus if your wife lives near them she'll get sucked in too, probably never want to get a job and become a full time pioneer......no way, stay put! NMKA

marriedtoajw

So just to recap, MIL pressured us for years to move in with them out of state while MIL and FIL drained all the equity from their home to supplement their low income and used it to travel and gave money to my MIL drug addict sister. Then even after putting my house up for sale to help them, they take out another loan on their home to buy a rental property for my wife’s grandparents to retire and rent. Sister inlaw and hubby, both JW’s with no kids did not want to move in to help even though they lived in the same city and were going broke too. So all the pressure is on us as were struggling financially as well but managing.

I took a step back and really analyzed the situation and it became clear. These people are just way too irresponsible financially to help even if I wanted to. But even more shocking, I came to believe that all the pressure for us to move in with them all of those years was just a ruse so that they could have more influence over my wife and kids with the JW stuff. Of course I know they wanted to be close to their daughter and grand children I mean what parent wouldn’t, but then why did they move out there in the first place when it made no sence.

As I’ve stated in a previous post, I sacrificed 15 years of my summer vacations to spend with them so that my wife could spend time with them. But this also created an illusion for her and my kids because the time spent there was always doing fun stuff on vacation. My MIL is an excellent love bomber and this played into her hands. I was struggling over the decision to move out there in the first place. It’s not what I wanted but I was tired of making miracles happen keeping us a float. But once I realized I was being played and the blinders dropped I put a stop to the whole thing. I pushed hard at networking with ex coworkers I knew from previous jobs and a good paying job opportunity presented itself to me.

My wife’s sister called me and wanted to know why I was backing out and kept giving me the guilt trip about me trying to understand a mothers love for her daughter. I threw the ball back in her court and said, “what kind of love is it when they move out of state leaving their daughter and potential grand kids and then be ungrateful with all the sacrifices I made to keep traveling out there when we were always struggling financially too”.

Anyways, I took the job here and stayed. They ended up losing their house to foreclosure, so did my sister inlaw and hubby but the grandparents are still living in the rental property. Both sets of inlaws are now renting homes owned by a JW. So you see, I’m not the most liked person with them right now. Not long after this my wife gets baptized and her whole personality changed. It’s as if they all realized I wasn’t going to budge and all the pretences dropped.

Now, I will never move in with them and they know it but they are more brazen with the JW stuff in trying to influence my kids when they are around them which is rare cuz they still live out of state. So, I’d like your opinions. Would you try to study with the JW’s to help your spouse get out from with in? She wont talk to me about religion at all otherwise. If they are willing to resort to Theocratic War Strategies on me, how can I fight back. I await your responses…

00DAD

Don't let OTHER PEOPLE's MONEY PROBLEMS BECOME YOURS!!!!

garyneal

Would you try to study with the JW’s to help your spouse get out from with in? She wont talk to me about religion at all otherwise. If they are willing to resort to Theocratic War Strategies on me, how can I fight back. I await your responses…

Waste of time in my humble opinion. Cut them loose and live your life, your wife has her own cross to bear, let her bear it. She can be brazen all she wants, just remind her that you are still 'the head.' If she pushes too hard to try to control your life, show her the door. Personally, I think she will get the hint and mellow out when she realizes what side of the bread really gets the butter. I don't see how her family can financially support her and the kids now and we all know that the people at the Kingdom Hall do not want this burden.

garyneal

If they are willing to resort to Theocratic War Strategies on me, how can I fight back.

By acting shocked and dismayed over how someone who is suppose to be a Christian can resort to lying whenever it suits them. I'd point out how their actions 'stumbling me' and ask them how do they expect to be regarded as true Christians when they lie like this.

More of my story, and need advice

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