My grandmother has died - All I am thinking about is the JW funeral...

by exjehovah 26 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  rebel8

  You aren't obliged to attend the kh portion. I can understand why you feel you should but I also think you don't have to.

  Here they have calling hours (wake) in a funeral home, then funeral at church, then a brief ceremony graveside (if the ashes are going to a cemetary). I don't attend anything in the kh and don't plan to. If I feel like it then I attend the other things. I have a big mouth though and just tell dubs off directly--not sure if that's the best thing but it's what my mouth does on its own. lol

  It would be so awesome if you had an ex-jw friend to go with you and pretend to be a non-jw and make blunt comments when people say backhanded remarks to you. "When you say come back to Jehovah, what does that mean? Does Jehovah only live in 1 building that you have to visit?" lol
• 

  little witch

  It is hard to "hold Your head high" when You are amoungst hateful, insulative people in their own environment. You are facing what You describe exactly. Their tactics are to alianate You to the point of allegiance. You may rightfully employ sending flowers, or a card of condolence, or even Your Own Service, and not deal with jw bs....

  My condolences to You Dear...I am so sorry for Your Loss.

  LW
• 

  ashlyashly

  sorry for that.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  If it helps, I believe that attending funeral services is to comfort the living. If your attending causes JW's to have to shun you and talk about you behind your back, are you really comforting them? Sure, they will say you didn't come, but you could let them know you are remembering your loved one in another way, since you do not feel welcome at the KH. You could say that you would like more than 10 minutes (usually less than that) to reflect on your grandmother like they will do at the KH.
• 

  TOTH

  Sorry for your loss.
• 

  jamiebowers

  So sorry for your loss. I wouldn't attend anything at a kh...nest of vipers.
• 

  Broken Promises

  Why drive 3 hours to attend a funeral where you'll be ignored, listen to a talk on a subject you don't agree with, and then drive back home again?

  I think a fitting memorial for your gran would be to go to a nice garden if she liked flowers, or visit an animal park if she liked animals, or simply light a candle at home and meditate on the good times you had with her.

  I'm sorry for your loss.
• 

  3rdgen

  (((((((((((exJehovah)))))))))) I'm sorry for your loss and feel for you at this sad time. It's like heads they win, (if you attend and are shunned) and tails you loose, (if you feel bad for not paying your respects). What is the relationship between you and her child? (your Parent) How will they feel seeing you shunned vs seeing the flowers and card you send? The memorial is definately for the living. Do what is best for yourself and the parent who has lost their mother.
• 

  whathappened

  My advice is to stay home and spend time thinking about your Grandmother. You will regret making the effort to attend just to be shunned and being forced to listen to a minimum of 30 minutes explaining the resurrection hope and how great being a JW is. Funerals are to honor the dead but in this crazy religion they are just another opportunity to recruit new members into the cult. Stay home and keep safe. Your grandmother wouldn't want you to suffer.
• 

  exjehovah

  Update:

  I decided to go, the JWs be damned. I came with friends, I felt defiant. This religion was not going to keep me from mourning my grandmother.

  I came in, I sat next to my family on the front row. I refused to sing a song or open a bible, but I cried for my grandmother.

  Surprisingly enough, it all went pretty well. I was greeted and hugged by all. My family consoled me, hugged me, cried with me, and when it was over JW or not they came by me and hugged me, kissed me, and told me how sorry they were with a few exceptions.

  Yes, the "memorial service" was more about a sermon about their ideology than about my grandmother, but my second cousin gave the talk and he managed to talk a little bit more about my grandmother than probably most other memorials.

  After it was over, they went to their funeral events, and I went with my friends to visit my grandparents house, take pictures, and we had a wonderful lunch remembering my grandmother in a loving fashion.

  I'm not sure why it went the way it did, but I am glad there wasn't any issues. I really loved my grandmother, the JW religion or not, and I am glad I was allowed to mourn her without any unnecessary drama.