depressed and starting to loose it

raxxxx

sooo... it has been a few good months since i started having doubts and started researching. now very much convinced i had been lied to and my parents had not done their homework prior being baptised therefore it fucked up my future ... just a bit. now also had been going out with a jw girl for 1,5 years... and i am starting to loose it... stuck in a lie, delaying the getting engaged because of my attitude towards religion(she knows i had doubts and always have been anti watchtower - got baptized anyway... stupid me - but she doesn't make a big deal out of it... she is not very strong spiritually) ergo i know i am not fit to be head of the house by jw standards... but i just love her too damn much to break her heart by leaving the organization and ergo leaving her. i don't want her to leave with me because she will resent me with time... because she won't have contact with her parents and friends... don't wanna take someone's life into my hands to fuck it up... stuck not knowing what to do and usually calm, controlled and loving person is hurling down in the obscenity of self-hate and alcohol... ahh there was my little rant... somehow still not feeling better!

EmptyInside

Hi raxxxx, I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It takes time,and more time. It's hard getting one's head together after realizing what we've always believed is a lie.

It's a process. As far as your girlfriend goes,you're right,it's up to her what to do about the relgion.

But,since you are still trying to figure things out yourself,if I were you,I wouldn't rush into a serious committment,that you may be sorry for later.

Wishing you the best. It does get easier. I still have bad days myself,but feeling better about my choice in leaving.

ballistic

This will play out as it's meant to do. Where you make mistakes, you will learn. Where you are hurt, you will heal and grow, Stay true to yourself, be strong, take courage in your inner stregnth. When all else fails, remember in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter.

LostGeneration

Just leave. Its never as bad as it seems before you do it. Yes its bad when you do, but you never know what will happen. Simply tell her there is no way you can see yourself living in this religion for another 50 or 60 years. Maybe she will realize its a lie too, maybe she won't.

Either way, you will be able to live YOUR life, not the one your parents and 7 old dudes in Brooklyn want you to.

Rip the bandaid off.

Edit: I meant leave the religion, not her. Let her make that decision.

finally awake

Let her decide for herself whether she wants you or the religion. She may choose you and be perfectly happy with that choice - or it may all fall to pieces, but that can happen to any couple. Your responsibility is to be honest and live your life authentically, and let her do the same.

Lady Lee

raxxx

If you don't tell her how you feel and just play the game while knowing it is a lie you will feel worse because you will feel trapped.

Tell her how you feel about her about the WTS and what you are going to do. Let her make her own decisions. She may decide to leave with you or decide that the two of you are over. Either way you won't have to live a lie. Which, believe me is a life of internal hell.

BizzyBee

stuck not knowing what to do and usually calm, controlled and loving person is hurling down in the obscenity of self-hate and alcohol...

I suspect you do know what to do, raxxxx.

Put the plug in the jug.

Tap into what you've always known - this is not the truth.

Proceed to get a life.

FlyingHighNow

This too shall pass. Fly free. There's nothing like it. The "depression" you feel is probably part grief in advance and fear/anxiety about the future. It takes about six months to work towards the hope you will be fine without a significant other. It starts out black and you go through the stages of grief, not necessarily in some set order. By the time 6 months is up you usually will feel more hope and see the dawn on the horizon. Been through some deaths, divorces and other losses. It could be a little shorter or longer for you, but for a lot of people it's in the six month range.

Gayle

The finding of the facts of JWism is very bitter at first, but it will become bittersweet in time and sweeter all the time. Eventually, humor even sets in and even sympathy will set in for some still there. The fresh new 'air' will be invigorating.

Ding

How does your girlfriend feel about all this?

Maybe she would rather be married to you than be a WT slave.

Make sure you know where she stands rather than making assumptions that may turn out to be wrong.

depressed and starting to loose it

Share this