Every ministry school it was more and more badgering about "how can you increase your time in the FS, how to do more in the FS, starting a doorstep bible study, are you making the most of your return visits, are you doing all you can, are you witnessing informally, are you taking advantage of evening witnessing, can you make it a habit to go out on Sundays" that mess never stopped. I felt like they don't give a woot about me as a person, do they? All they want me to do is slave away in the FS. The heck with what am going through, what am feeling or helping me develop a better personal relationship with God. Just get out there in FS, that's their answer for every single thing! Just read our literature, go to our meetings and get out in FS, that all you need.
This is what started my fade. As I saw my parents getting older, I found there was less and less interest in their welfare. Oh yes, maybe once a year the WT would publish an article about assisting the elderly, but everything else, particularly on the service meeting, was about our ministry. I particularly remember one friend of my bed-ridden mom who told me she would get over to see her but she had to pioneer next month. I thought, "Why couldn't she make visiting my mother part of her pioneer service?" I was also reprimanded by two elders for spending too much time with her when I should be out finding people who had no "hope." I should have told them my mother (and my father) sat in their home "hoping" that someone would come to visit.