James:
(1) True, but one can see the effects of gravity by observing gravitational lensing and large-scale movement of ordinary matter, by doing that one can observe there must be "some other stuff" in empty space. Furthermore astronomers seem quite confident that they can rule out eg. cold gas (dont ask me quite how). In terms of observing dark energy, that has to do with how the universe behave on an even larger scale (the expansion) and is inferred by observation of the redshift of type 1a supernovas.
(2) I believe this is mostly known by observing the type 1a supernovas and direct observation of nearby space + extrapolation.
If you are interested in this stuff i would *really* recommend you this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ImvlS8PLIo
It is by dr. Laurants Krauss who manage to cover a lot of recent theory in a level where you do not need a phd, its really excellent stuff.
Re. dark-matter vs. ether: either option would be amazingly cool! This is why there is such an interest in dark matter, the experimentalists dream of dark matter making them the next michaelson-morley-s, the theorists of becoming the next einstein, and there is a very real chance it might happend within the next couple of years at the LHC. amazing times!