GeneBean,
It's regretful that you have been through so much. So, you are now disfellowshipped - well you might want to use the time that you now have to do some deep soul-searching as to what you actually believe and want you truly want for your future. As Frenchy pointed out you can 'grovel' for a year and possibly be reinstated - but why not wait for a while - you can 'grovel' big-time later if you then decide to go back to the Watchtower organization.
In the meantime, join us, do a 'proving the truth' on your own, pray for guidance, engage in bible reading on your own if you choose. In short, take some time for yourself to sort through things.
Allow your body and your mind to quiet down before you make decisions that will impact the rest of your life.
Glad you shared with us, GeneBean, and
well be here should you need to 'talk'
through whatever.