Just wondering

Freeof1914

I am sure that some of you know my story, but in case you don't, I come fromma family of extremely zealous witnesses. My immediate family as well as much of my extended family. My father and brother are all elders that are used on the circuit and district level. I have a cousin in the service dept and friends who are missionaries etc etc. Anyhow about a month ago I told my entire family including my wife that I no longer wanted to be a witness, obviously they were distraught and pressured me to rethink my decision. I told them that it was well thought out and that I could never see myself doing sometging I did not believe in. I have not returned to the meetings or gone preaching since then. Last night I went out to have dinner with my wife, she and I have decided that in anfew months we will be seperated and divorced, she is a very very zealous pioneer and does feel happy under the circumstances. I am ok with that because I want to cut ties with ANYTHING related to witnesses. What hit a nerve with me last night was in our conversation she says to me," I feel bad for you, scared because you have this dark look in your eyes. You look like a person who has no direction no clear path." Obviously this kind of freaked me out because I don' t want to ever feel or project that in my life, but a part of me is kind of wondering if she is right. Has anyone ever been through the same thing or had a loved one say that to them?

tornapart

Freeof1914, I felt something like this when I first realised what it was all about. First having one's eyes opened then having the rug pulled from under you. I did feel lost. I still go for keeping up appearances but my immediate family know how I feel. For a while I felt totally lost and without direction but I have never lost faith in God or his word or Christ and now that is completely my direction and I am feeling in a much happier place and it shows to others. I'm not saying this has to be your way as we are all different, but maybe you need to find SOMETHING that gives meaning in your life because otherwise you might have a void that you don't know how to fill, and it will show.

Jim_TX

"Has anyone ever been through the same thing or had a loved one say that to them?"

I've been through a similar experience. That of leaving a JW wife and getting a divorce.

" I feel bad for you, scared because you have this dark look in your eyes. You look like a person who has no direction no clear path."

I have not had that said to me. You might tell your wife that it is the look of 'freedom'. Freedom to do what you want without anyone dictating what is right or wrong. Of course, that won't work, as they always fall back on the fable of Adam and Eve.

RE: you have that 'dark look' -

Perhaps you could say that you are no longer under the hypnosis of the WTBTS, with the fake smile pasted on your face.

Hang in there. Like I said. I've been there (divorce), and it is a bit rocky, but you'll come out on the other side just fine.

Regards,

Jim TX

Sulla

Of course you have a dark look: your sort of decision is not made lightly or without profound consequences. You have that look because it mirrors a real crisis within you. So, yes, she is probably correct. It's a cost of this path you have chosen.

OnTheWayOut

" I feel bad for you, scared because you have this dark look in your eyes. You look like a person who has no direction no clear path."

It's cognitive dissonance at it's finest. She's saying that to feel better about her own decision to do the opposite of you. She's losing a person who is her own voice of reason to choose the unreasonable course. To explain to herself that her "clear path" is the right one, yours has to be a path with "no direction."

You are making serious changes, you are a bit unsure of some things, but you do know that you are better off. Don't let such talk spook you.

Chariklo

Freeof1914, don't take such comments as your wife's at face value. And above all, don't tell yourself that they're right.

You have a lifetime of involvement with Witnesses and your whole family background is of JW's par excellence. Of course you are going to feel adrift, and maybe directionless. However, maybe my own recent experience might still be helpful, even though I was with the Witnesses for much shorter time, and my family haven't been involved.

I decided to walk away from them just two weeks ago. We've now gone through the first phase of messages..."miss you", "are you ok?", "are you ill, can I do anything" etc. One or two have come round to see me, and they were nice because they were people with whom I could actually be friends. But they say "Satan is making you do this", "I'm concerned for you, you're just hurting yourself", "don't take it out on Jehovah", "you're turning your back on Jehovah", "you're giving Satan what he wants", etc etc etc.

Those comments seem to be a bit like your wife's comments to you. Designed to make you think there is something wrong with you, and that's because, as I see it, those who are entrenched in the oprganisation just can't see beyond it. They are conditioned and indoctrinated.

The saddest comment I've received was in face to face conversation with someone with whom I really get on. She said "But what will you do? Where will you go? There's nowhere else, is there?" That's really sad in my view, but for her, not for me. I'm out of it, walking away, no going back, and the world is open before me.

It's the same for you, much more so because this is your whole family as well as the organisation that you're leaving. But stick to your guns. Just do it. Pioneers are even more indoctrinated than the others, with their zeal and enthusiasm. Also, not knowing your wife but from experience of the ones I've got to know, they have a sense of superiority. They know that they understand more than everyone else. They can't hide that feeling, and all the ones I know exhibit it.

It's cognitive dissonance at it's finest. She's saying that to feel better about her own decision to do the opposite of you. She's losing a person who is her own voice of reason to choose the unreasonable course. To explain to herself that her "clear path" is the right one, yours has to be a path with "no direction."

I like OnTheWayOut's insight. And don't think for one moment that because you've removed yourself from the clear path the WT set out before you that it means you have none. You are not directionless. You just need some time to take stock and process what has happened, and then you'll find your own way using your own map and not be directed by the WT's satnav.

Hope that helps. Good luck!

leavingwt

Freeof1914: I once had a JW say that he could see the demons coming out of me. They say the darndest things.

moshe

Tell her it is the look of disbelief, in that a JW would violate their marriage vows so close the the end of this system and risk being destroyed in Armageddon.

neverscreamagain

Can relate to what your saying, my current situation is very similar. What your friends and family say is completely predictable and parrots the propaganda instilled through years of conditioning.

Using the word "dark" in JW speak is always negative and is used to imply that what is influencing you must be coming from a worldy even demonic source. Remember, there is never a legitamate reason that you could possibly have for "leaving the truth". For many their fear is real since you are choosing the other path, since there are only 2 paths. But it is understandable that having come out of a "black hole" where clear thinking and reasoning are verboten, that it is going to take time to regain your focus and adjust to the light.

You don't have to immediately jump on another path.

yourmomma

what gets me every time is all you hear is "God hates a divorce". then there are assembly parts, local needs all about people getting unscriptual divorces and seperations. elders will tell wives who are beaten to go back to the husband and live with the abuse. even when a mate cheats they are encouraged to forgive BUT when it comes to a mate turning apostate, divorce is not only acceptable, but sometimes encouraged by elders or fellow JW's.

its like the dirty little secret, divorce is not ok, unless one turns apostate. there are so many examples of people who turn apostate, and the mate divorces the apostate mate, remarries another jw and its all condoned.

incredible.

Just wondering

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