My Experience

by wezz 33 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  Quandry

  Welcome, wezz.

  So sorry that you are now in this difficult situation.

  Yes, she originally came to you when you were not a JW. This was disobedience on her part. She looked outside the organization, despite all the clear stated mandates from the "faithful and discreet slave." She was considered "touching something unclean," etc. Her actions spoke for her in saying that she was willing to go against the holy spirit directed words of the WTS and words from the Bible itself in "not mixing in company" with an unbeliever. She was Dinah "going out into the land." How does she now "get on a high horse" because you are say words contrary to the WTS? Hypocritical, isn't it?

  It would be interesting if you asked her all these questions. I'd sure like to know what her response is.

  Also, let her know that you'll not be a "spiritual danger" to her; she can go to the KHall if she chooses. That way she has no WT grounds for divorce. Also, please speak kindly and patiently-in response to her-don't go in defensively- as you visit her and your child. Also, don't go empty-handed. Go with money and gifts for her, your daughter, and your unborn son.

  Hoping the best for you.
• 

  yourmomma

  from all the experiences i read on this site and others, if a wife wants to leave her husband because he turned apostate, the elders will look the other way. its like the best kept secret of the org, you can leave your husband and remarry if they turn apostate. it might not be written down, but you see people time and again posting here about their mates leaving, even sometimes being encouraged to leave by the elders and then remarrying another jw.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  So sorry to hear your sad story, Wezz. Many of us have some tragic stories of loved ones, while different, that still give us common bonds.

  You will find shoulders to cry on and stories that will boil your blood here. But I hope you find some comfort as well.

  Your child is still young and another one is on the way and "Jehovah hates a divorcing." Maybe there's still a chance you can get back together, maybe there's not. Decide these things for yourself and be careful about even "our" advice on such matters. For instance, if my JW wife were to turn me in to the elders, I would not forgive that and would seek a divorce. But that's me. I have no children and you will soon have two babies, so you might want to do things differently.

  I would recommend, if you think you want to get back together and there might be a chance, that you follow the traditional path of most separated people with young children- Go to a professional marriage counselor with your wife. Consider keeping your feelings about JW's out of your marriage and be disfellowshipped/disassociated if necessary, but be there for your kids.
• 

  NVR2L8

  Wezz, I am so sorry...I agree with OTWO and you should seek professional help...The congregation will offer help but you well know who's side they will take...your wife will be getting a lot of support...they will put ideas in her head and impute you with bad motives for converting into the "truth" in the first place. They will try to find faults in you as the reason you are leaving the congregation. You will be better off if you use an unpartial mediator...not a "spiritually qualified" elder...Be patient with your wife and tell her that your love for her is unconditional - regardless of being a JW or not.
• 

  wannabefree

  Welcome.

  I let it all out to my wife too when I discovered the truth about The Truth (two years ago) ... I think she was on the phone to an elder within the hour. I met with the elder alone and told him my wife was emotional and overreacting and that I was just doing research that disturbed me and who else was I to talk to if not my wife?

  It may call for some reverse Theocratice Warfare Strategy if you want to try and save your marriage.
• 

  Mickey mouse

  Welcome to the site. I'm really sorry to read what you're going through. Your wife will likely be getting all sorts of 'told you so' rebukes from relatives as this is quite common with people who convert for a partner. I'm sending you a PM too, click the little envelope top right ^
• 

  PaintedToeNail

  wezz, welcome! So sorry to here that thus far you've lost your family. I hope that you are able to get them back soon. We all feel for you!
• 

  outsmartthesystem

  My heart goes out to you. I am in a similar situation only my wife hasn't turned me in. She won't......for a while anyway. My children are still very young. When they are old enough listen to sound reasoning and take it to heart.....it will only be a matter of time before they begin to echo some of my sentiments. THAT is when I fear my wife will turn to teh elders and the beginning of the end for us a family.
• 

  yesidid

  I am so sorry this is happening to you. You must be in a state of total shock.

  Although I am a "born in" and thought I knew the cult thinking, it just never occured

  to me that a Witness would leave their mate within 24 hours of finding out that said mate

  was questioning the GB. That is really extreme.

  Had you been having marriage problems? If so can they be sorted out? I am just so sad for you.

  Take care.

  y
• 

  Londo111

  I am really sorry!

  Perhaps if you tell her you still love her and there are no scriptural grounds for her leaving. Perhaps you can quote the 2009 Awake that says, "No one should be forced to worship in a way that he finds unacceptable or be made to choose between his beliefs and his family.”