Why Does The Partner Who Is Less than" In Love Marry Anyway? (page 2)

caliber

All in all, the mate who was left behind should understand that it's not his or her fault that his partner wasn't in love.

In hindsight wouldn't it have been better still for the departing mate to "understand" that in order to have a true , commited & lasting marriage

you need romantic love to begin with...... To allow each one the opportunity to fall madly in love with each other ?

A stolen heart is not easy to recover ! "Settling" in the end will hurt everyone !

The "in love "kind of love, that level of attraction, it's not something anyone can create. It's either there or it isn't. We cannot force ourselves or anyone else to "fall in love."

So it beggs the question , so how did a person expect to "create" a happy lasting marriage without romantic love ?

All in all, the mate who was left behind should understand that it's not his or her fault that his partner wasn't in love.

then , who is at fault ?

FlyingHighNow

In hindsight wouldn't it have been better still for the departing mate to "understand" that in order to have a true , commited & lasting marriage

you need romantic love to begin with...... To allow each one the opportunity to fall madly in love with each other ?

Problem is that hindsight is not present at the courtship and wedding, unless someone has been through it all at least once. And you are usually dealing with two people in their late teens or twenties with a lot to learn about life. In the case of JW's, you may be dealing with a couple of naive people from any age group.

FlyingHighNow

All in all, the mate who was left behind should understand that it's not his or her fault that his partner wasn't in love.

then , who is at fault then ?

No one's fault, Caliver.

FlyingHighNow

You are who you are. Put you in a room with 500,00 people....a mighty big room....and there's a chance someone there might fall madly in love with you. There's a better chance that most of them will not. It's a matter of chemistry and compatibility that appeals to someone else. Most of us will not appeal to everyone.

caliber

True love is never a mistake. ...it is a certified feeling deep in your very being !!

settling " . A lot of people do it - but it's not really healthy in the long run mentally, emotionally, or physically - Flipper

Disillusioned Lost-Lamb

I watched too many of my friends get married that either settled, went for the provider (sugar daddy) or were just plain horny. Only a few of them are still together and they are some of the most miserable people I know; however they refuse to separate because God, I mean wash-towel hates a divorcing.

UGH!

This is why I'm still single.

I know I'm not the easiest person to get along with; I'm picky, type A, stubborn and opinionated. I refuse to settle and can take care of myself, so why do I NEED to be married? Why the hell should I get married if I'm happy with my life just the way it is?

I wish more people understood there are far worse things than being “alone”, namely being with someone and wishing you were alone.

Besides if you aren’t ok by, or with, yourself, no other person (man, woman or child) is going to change that; you must be complete first.

Thanks for listening and sorry for the rant, the marriage issue just gets my undies in a bunch.

Finally-Free

I was in love. The object of my affection probably married me for several reasons:

I was a hard worker as well as a pioneer.
There was money in my family.
I was the last remaining single brother in the congregation.
No one else was willing to tolerate her mouth. I'm fairly easygoing. (or I was...)
A CO announced that Gilead was no longer accepting applications from single sisters, and she was desperate to go. We never did.
She mistook my kindness for weakness and my silence for stupidity. (I'm more of a doer than a talker.) In other words, she thought I'd be easy to manipulate.

Within a few months I knew she married me for all the wrong reasons, but I was stuck with her and I determined to try to make the best of it. That was the biggest mistake of my life. I carried on with it for 16 years. I probably would have stayed longer, but it became obvious that she was just waiting for my mother to die, hoping she'd get her grubby hands on more money, and then she'd leave probably me. I had already DA'd when my JW mother agreed with my assessment of the situation, and my mom was very supportive of me dumping the leech's worthless ass. According to my mom, many other JWs were glad to see me do this too. My ex was not well liked by JWs, "worldly" people, or even her own family. I knew this when I married her, but love sometimes makes up the most stupid excuses for bad behaviour.

The damage is lasting though. In the 8 years since I left her I haven't been able to have any relationships. I can't even accept a hug from my sisters without cringing inwardly, though I manage to hide it. So I make it a point to avoid any women who appear interested in me now. They don't need my fucking baggage.

W

FlyingHighNow

True love is never a mistake. ...it is a certified feeling deep in your very being !!

Caliber, there is no such thing as fake love. It's either love or it isn't.

Fake love is not love. It IS an illusion.

caliber

Is it an illusion to believe you will be happy , if you marry for any reason other than love ?

Can you fake happiness for a whole lifetime of marriage ? Can love and happiness exist apart from each other ...

would this not be living an illusion ?

Would "fake love" be equivalent to "settling" ?

Ucantnome

I think there are different types of love and I think you can love someone enough that you will never leave them and try to make them happy without ever having really fallen in love with them.

Why Does The Partner Who Is Less than" In Love Marry Anyway?

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