Do You Think Writing My Daughter is a Good Idea? (page 2)

Blind_Of_Lies

I would suggest using a little bit of psychology this adventure will be a negotiation, the two of you will probably not formally sit down and lay out the rules of any reconciliation but each encounter, be it by letter or in person will be a very complex dance.

I would suggest finding common ground and perhaps even an ally in your Son In Law. If he is an unbeliever then he knows how ridiculous the whole thing is. I would reach out to him privately. Ask if you can meet him somewhere and buy him beer or lunch, something light. If the two of you have bad blood, wash clean of it right then and there. Let him know that you have always loved your daughter and her family and tell him you are not trying to stop her from doing anything BUT you want to know your grandchildren and your daughter. Ask him how he thinks she would react to you making contact. It could be that she is ready for this to happen herself but does not know how or is not willing to make the first move. It could be that he knows a nice card through the mail would be more effective than a in person visit. On the other hand she may need an in person visit and a card could shut her down further. If he says its not a good time, respect that but give him your phone number and email address so he can reach out when a good time comes along. It could be that he could support or urge your daughter to accept contact with you. Keep in mind that Sisters are instructed to subject to their husbands. We wouldn’t want him to force her to do anything but his opinion will weigh heavy in the situation.

I would also push to either meet your grandkids at a different time than the initial visit and I would avoid arriving with a bunch of gifts for the kids without asking permission first. While im sure you will enjoy spoiling them first, you don’t want mom to think you are trying to win her kids over with gifts.

Whatever you do... leave the WTBTS and talking about it OUT of the conversation. Prove to her you are not an apostate waiting to drag her out of the cult and to her death... remember thats what she currently thinks.

leavingwt

Absolutey, write her. Steve Hassan would advise you to act like a normal person, and ignore cult rules. You're a concerned, loving parent. It's only normal that you'd want to communicate with her. Avoid mentioning anything about the WT. Act as if it doesn't exist. Tell her about the things in your life that matter to you and what you enjoy doing.

Place the ball in her court. You'll likely not hear from her, or worse, she'll get on her high horse and send an ugly reply. This doesn't matter. You did the right thing.

Alwayshere

I have a daughter still in. I did write her. I was pretty plain .

I told her it was my fault she was in and I wanted to help

her because it was a "cult" and she needed to get her family

out. Said more but its too long. She wrote back and said

she shredded my letter. She still spoke to me but said she

would never look up anything I said, because even if she

did and seen what I told her was true she wasn't leaving.

Now I am DF and she wants nothing to do with me.

Hope the best for you mrquik.

TOTH

I would make the effort to open the door of communication with MY daughter if I were in your position. However I have to agree with previous posters and say that leaving religion out of it at least for the time being. If she still opts to shun then it is on her. Being a parent my mom said meant ALWAYS being there. When she would be upset with her and storm out of the house she would say that if we left through the front door that the backdoor would always be open to us.

I had to throw our middle child out of the house for doing horrible things and costing us not one but two different dwellings. When he was 20 and did it that third time I sent him packing. Later I found out that he was living with friends but had lost his job and was unable to pay rent or eat. I immediately packed up five platic grocery bags from our pantry and he and my wife took it to him. He could no longer live under our roof, but the love was there.

Just be there.

mrquik

Again, thanks everyone for the support. Thanks Paul for the timely post on reconnecting with those still in. I'll let you all know how things go.

dog is god

This is so heartbreaking. I would just send an occasional card with absolutely no references to dogma or anything else religious. Might just say a few things about whats new and what's happening in your lives. Shes a big girl and can stay where she wants. That is not a fault of yours. Good luck.

00DAD

By all means write her a warm, loving letter expressing how you feel. Tell her you miss her and would love to see her. Write her regularly too!

BUT, DO NOT DISCUSS ANY DOCTRINES OR SPECIFIC BELIEFS.

Go read Steven Hassan's book, Releasing the Bonds . It has great advice on what to do and what NOT to do in trying to reach a loved one in a cult.

Keep us posted!

Do You Think Writing My Daughter is a Good Idea?