Buddhist, Gay, and in Love with a Jehovah Witness

fergal

Hello everyone,

My name is Augusto and I'm a 24 gay male, who practices Buddhism since I was born. Where I work I was lucky enough to meet a wonderful guy who has been sort of my friend for quite some time. When I say sort of, it is because since January we are not able to have any communication out of work. This saddened me alot, and I did not talk to him for a week, and then little by little everything went back to normal. However, I am still puzzled by all the things I've read about this organization, the watchtower, it makes me wonder how much suffering he must be going through. He knows I love him, and he seems to correspond to my feelings, but not being able to talk to him or see him out of work makes everything so hard. He told me we should be co-workers only, however our treatment is different, he only talks to me, we buy food together, we're pretty close. Lately, he's been talking about moving out of his house, he lives with his parents. It seems he's going through a lot of pressure, but I don't want to ask him as he always tells me he's fine. This guy never explained to me how his religion operates, he just once told me he needed to work on his relationship with god and concentrate on work. By the way, he has a lot of gay tendencies but of course he has never acknowledged that. Well, I just would like to know how should I handle this situation in order to protect him, besides what I feel for him, I want him to be happy first of all. If any of you have gone through something alike I would certainly appreciate feedback. Thank you very much.

cantleave

Being on the outside looking in can be confusing. JWs are taught to limit contact with people who do not share their faith. They are not really supposed to have any friends outside the organisation and people who do not fit into that paradigm are kept at a distance. As a loyal witness he would not be able to be your friend and if he knew there was an attraction he would be even more likely to maintain a distance. It wouldn't matter whether he had heterosexual or homosexual tendancies it is similar.

As a witness there is no way he can express homosexual feelings since the witnesses only accept heterosexual relationships. If he is gay he will either have to suppress his feelings and live a lie or leave. If he is realising he is gay then this will be an extremely difficult and stressful time for him. His parents would likely be horrified and embarrassed if their son were to leave the faith or acknowledge he was gay and they would put pressure on him to study more and build a relationship with god in order to overcome any incliniations to rebel.

If he became your friend and people in the organisation were aware he was friends with a Gay male of another faith the very least that would happen would be that he would have to meet with the elders to explain himself and he would be told to cut contact and might be reproved.

If he were to become your boyfriend he would be disfellowshipped with the possibility that all friends and family would shun him treating him as a dead person. He might be thrown out of the family home and loose his parents. As you can imagine that is a lot to deal with. This does not always happen but it is extremely common. This applies to baptised witnesses. If he is not baptised there is a possibility he can build a new life but most witnesses are baptised by the time they are earning a living.

He needs time to come to terms with what direction he wants to take his life. All you can do is be supportive without pressurising him. Ask him about his ambitions, if they are all religious ones ask him what his ambitions would be if he hadn't chosen to be a witness.

What I will say is whilst he is still a witness you need to keep your distance emotionally. His friendship is currently conditional on faith. Don't pin your hopes on this relationship. You seem like a lovely person so be his friend but don't give him your heart.

nugget

above posted as cantleave in error. Why do they never log off when they borrow your laptop.

leavingwt

Welcome!

It sounds to me like you're barking up the wrong tree.

Chariklo

Fergal, Augustus, I really feel for you, but the very best thing you can do for yourself is to walk away from this JW guy, physically, mentally, emotionally, any way you can.

Jehovah's Witnesses believe that homosexulaity is totally wrong and belongs to the devil.

They believe that their religion is the only religion and anything else belongs to the devil.

As a Jehovah's Witness, the only way your friend can carry on talking to you is as a potential convert. In other words, he cannot accept you as a Buddhist. He cannot accept you as a gay lover.

But he may talk to you to gain a semblance of friendship and gradually try to convert you to becoming a Jehovah's Witness. In fact, in my experience, and I know a number of men who were actively gay and did become converted by JW men, your friend is actually really fairly likely to try to do this. It might feel to you as though he reciprocates your feelings for him.

He can't. As a JW, he simpolay isn't able to do so.

If you value your Buddhism, and personally I see so much that is good and attractive in Buddhism, the whole approach of loving kindness and more. you cannot gain happiness by pusuing any kind of relationship with this guy. Take him at his word. He's told you that the only possible relationship is as co-workers. That is right.

I am really sorry to give such discouraging information, Augustus, and sorry if it makes you sad. But it is better to walk a way now that to bring heartache on yourself in the future.

I feel sorry for the JW guy too. The Watchtower is no place to be for anyone with gay tendencies.

Heartofaboy

Hello Augusto, my heart goes out to you.

I grew up as a gay JW & if he is going through what I went through then he is being torn apart inside.

At the moment I woudn't put any pressure on him to be any more to you than he already is.

If you can be that strong & support him as a good friend I'm sure he will turn to you when he can't take the pressure any longer.

It may take some time as he will feel he has no rights the feelings he has & that he must subdue them at all costs.

Hoab X

Billy the Ex-Bethelite

Welcome Augusto!

"Lately, he's been talking about moving out of his house, he lives with his parents."

I think this is interesting. As long as I was under my parent's or the bethel roof, I had no idea who I really was. Now that I'm under my own roof, 80 miles away from my parents, I've done a lot of learning and growing.

You'll get an interesting variety of observations here. I'd be interested to know how far away from his parents he wants to move.

I'm in love with a German Film Star at the moment. I once saw in a bar, sitting in the corner . . .