I was wondering if anyone knew of any individuals that became houseless when they were disfellowshipped or disassociated themselves. I know that I had to move out of my house within a few months after I disassociated myself, but I believe that if I did not have anywhere to go my parents would not have kicked me out of the house.
Young adults who are disfellowshipped/disassociated and houselessness?
by Aaron Eldridge 20 Replies latest jw friends
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Blind_Of_Lies
It really depends on the congregation and how intrusive the elder body is in the area. I have known kids that got DF’d at age 16 who were packed up and sent to live with their unbelieving relatives in another country within weeks of them being DF’d. in this case the father was an elder and he didn’t want to lose his position so he threw his son out of the house instead of giving up the title.
I have also know families who chose not to do this, the father was removed from whatever position he was in and the entire family was punished and subject to extensive eldering and pressure because of it.
There are some pretty strict and frankly ridiculous rules they expect the family to follow if they allow a DF’d person to live in their homes.
I guess to answer your question, yes I have seen people made homeless due to the congregation. Frankly I think it just reinforces the bad parenting that was already taking place. What kind of parent would chose a freaking religion over their own child? Its sick.
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ziddina
Ah, yes, now that is a problem that haunts me...
I've often advised young "lurkers" on this board, to make an "escape route" - lay down solid plans to have something to "fall back on" if they are kicked out by fanatical or harshly disciplinarian JW parents...
And just for the heck of it, I'm a-gonna repeat them, right now...
1. Get back in touch with NON-Jehovah's Witness members of your family - be they older siblings, aunts/uncles, cousins, grandparents or great-aunts/uncles.... See if THEY would be willing or able to give you a place to stay, if something goes terribly wrong within your JW family....
Oh... And that most definitely includes older siblings or parents who have been disfellowshipped or have disassociated themselves... As long as they're "safe" people - no drugs, alcohol or paranoia....
2. Make so-called "worldly" friends - and I'm NOT talking about the "druggies" who hang out and smoke during class, behind your high school... Make friends with people you can trust - your non-JW neighbor down the street, the school's smart kids, the geeks, the chess club... Make good, reliable friends who will "have your back" if something goes wrong at home...
3. Get as MUCH EDUCATION as you can, while you're still living with your parents. Get GOOD GRADES in school, as much as possible. If your parents are willing to pay for COLLEGE, TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS OFFER.
If your parents won't consider allowing you to go to college, or won't assist you financially in any way to obtain a college degree, then see if they'll agree to a TRADE SCHOOL certification program - ANYTHING that will increase your "employability" in today's tougher job market.
You can go on to college when you're financially independent from your JW parents, and any pressures that they may be inclined to put upon you...
And that brings me to #4...
4. Obtain reliable, long-term employment. If you're still in school, get part-time work - and DON'T let your parents pressure you into DONATING any significant portion of your income to the Watchtower Corporation, to the Kingdom Hall, etc.
5. SAVE YOUR MONEY. You'll need it for the next step....
6. If you're at "legal" age, get your own place to live - a studio apartment, a trailer home, shared rent with other RELIABLE people - and DON'T go into a situation with ROOMMATES until you've CHECKED THEM OUT - ask for REFERENCES...
7. KEEP ALL OF THIS TO YOURSELF - or at best, your most reliable "worldly" friends. DON'T tell your parents - or your JW best friend - or that "nice" elder who's always been like a "father" to you - that you're doing all of this - most of it will be obvious to them, anyway, but must look like you're just "growing up", not like you're planning on leaving the religion...
8. Prepare to "fade" - and there are numerous excellent articles on how to successfully "fade", on this website...
I hope you all have great success in leaving the religion - I know it can be a very difficult time...
Getting kicked out is REALLY tough - especially since most JWs have been 'infantilized' - have been told NOT to get an education, NOT to seek promotions at work, NOT to focus on their schoolwork and grades, NOT to make good, reliable "worldly" friends...
But if you've already been kicked out...
Contact CHILD SERVICES departments if you're UNDERage... Contact ANY and ALL charitable organizations, to see if they can help you find someplace to live, work, food, transportation...
Again, GO TO YOUR NON-JW neighbors and see if any of them can help. Go to your local CHURCHES and see if any of THEM can help - THEY are a good possibility, even if you've become atheist...
And ALWAYS watch out for people who like to prey upon the helpless - it's very unfortunate, but sometimes when you're desperate, there are people who will try to take advantage of you when you're at your very lowest...
Best results to you...
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DesirousOfChange
Lots of good advice there, Zid.
Thanks for taking the time and effort to help younger ones facing this dilema.
Doc
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metatron
Spread the word when you do. Make clear that you are being rejected as a family member or son or daughter because they demand that you be a Jehovah's Witness against your will.
I expect that you will behave yourself accordingly - and show any generous relatives your good side.
metatron
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brizzzy
Yup, I did (never DF'd, just no longer believed in it, mother threw me out). And wrote a book about it. I've since been contacted by MANY young ex-JWs who were or are homeless due to DA'ing, being DF'd, or coming out as LGBT.
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Black Sheep
Take the parents out.
If a JW kid wants any sort of half decent relationship with the parents after they leave home, they have to do what it takes for the parents to understand that they are tryng to bully the kid into believing a load of crap and that it is not OK.
Every trick they use to coerce the kid has to be exposed for what it is .... before the kid leaves home and before the parents start shunning. The parents need to feel guilt for every underhanded tactic, double standard etc. they pull out of their arse·nal.
If the parents threaten violence to remove the kid from the home, the kid should call the police. The parents should have to explain their behaviour to the police, social workers, and the neighbors.
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ziddina
Yeah, Black Sheep!!
I failed to mention that when I suggested calling "Child Services" - that's a great idea!!!
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Dogpatch
This happens more than you want to know. I get phone calls from the homeless JW kids, not asking for money, but are just alone and afraid, and sometimes suicidal. I sit them down in the living room overlooking the ocean which brings peace to their minds. They are for the moment no longer in the Watch Tower world.
In Hollywood, and for gays especially in West Hollywood, there are probably hundreds of them. Some of them live on the streets, under bridges, and some find a person who will take them in. I can't help but cry sometimes after I hang up the phone. We have 5 bedrooms and five roommates so we can't take them in, and are too far away.
I remember one case in the mid-80s when a guy I knew by the name of Larry was broke and losing his house. Plus he was married. He was down by Santa Ana so I took him to see Chuck Smith, founder of the big chain of Calvary Chapel churches all over the world in the 60s. Larry had known who Chuck was because Larry was friends with Bill Cetnar, who was good friends with Chuck. He didn't know we were coming, but he let us in his office, listened to Larry's story, and Chuck pulled out his OWN CHECKBOOK and wrote Larry a check for $1000 on the spot. Plus I had never met Chuck before, so it wasn't me that prompted him to this act of kindness.
I would have fainted stone dead if I was still at Bethel and saw a GB member do that - they were so selfish! We used to work in the ghettos of East New York going door-to-door, and sometimes you felt so bad for some people you bought a few groceries, whatever was left of my $14 a month, and bought some food for them and took it back. The local Witnesses were kind, too, and provided Bethelites with food. But not the GB.
Years later I listened to a GB member (I think Grant Suiter) who mentioned what a waste of time and money it was to give out of someone else's primal needs, like hunger and disease. That was honest to God the saddest thing I ever heard in my life coming from the future rulers of the universe. Minus 10, brother Suiter. No wonder Bethelites leave the Mother Seminary and leave the JWs altogether; they see them for the phonies and con men they often are. Perhaps not all of them, but the ones that I knew were.
Helping people with a non-profit organization or church keeps many people alive who would otherwise die. Although Freeminds doesn't have a lot to give, we give what we have. That's why our next venture after updating AJWRB is going to be sort of like a virtual halfway house and classroom for these kind of Witness kids AND adults AND special interest groups. Prizes will be given out at $50 a pop to those who are voted the best article or video at least once a month... we hope to do it twice a month unless funds dry up. We have already set aside $2000 for prizes alone, so I don't spend it on web stuff. But this site is going to be set up by experts in social networking, once I find the best. Another $2000. The only ones to vote will be the students themselves, with no critical outsiders allowed. Video shorts will also receive Best Prizes. A host will oversee that all goes well.
In the case of Chuck Smith, I was speechless - I respect that man and the many wonderful pastors I have met over the years. The founder of my home church, which I started attending before I even turned in my letter of association, Ralph Moore, was a man like that.I feel closer to pastors than almost any other persons. I know their heartbreaks and troubles. But that is their calling and they enjoy it.
There may be a lot smarter men out there than Christian pastors. Most of them are almost funny in their lack of understanding of the Bible (save the issue of grace). But honestly, from 30 years of observations, many pastors are the most loving and giving of all the people I have ever met. Christians are the ones who give often because they feel God gave them a new life, and they want so much to share it with others. Especially those whose lives have been touched by the poisonous hand of the Watchtower.
Of course I have many Jewish and atheist or agnostics who are generous too. We have two non-Christians on the Freeminds staff. All I can say is that Christians usually understand forgiveness and grace. Many no longer care about the mundane worries of life, but live happy lives.They don't hoard what they have.
For a few years I did exit-counseling, taught to me by Steven Hassan, a former high-level Moonie who turned into a top level exit-counselor and author on the subject. I learned the tricks of the trade, so to speak. I don't try to convert these young-uns to Christianity in an exit-counseling environment, because it is a big red STOP sign to them... more hucksters! But in every case but one, the JW was comfortable enough with me (if we reached day three) to ask Bible questions. I always went to Romans and Galatians (even though I don't like Paul - his preaching on grace is priceless - that's what got me out of the Watchtower, not some man or because of the corrupt Governing Body.) So I gave them a history lesson.
But then after some hours I would feel a chill up my spine - I could feel my hair stand on end almost. I knew what was about to happen. Something inside me woke up and began to take over my words, and I was saying inside, like, "Okay, here comes the Holy Spirit to do his work, STAND BACK and don't flap your stupid mouth." This happened so often I would often break out in quiet tears, knowing I had to do NOTHING to save anyone, 'cept be there at the right time and the right place. Then they would ask me to pray with them (not the other way around). As far as I know, they all still live happy lives very detached from the WT nonsense.
I learned from those years that there are forces of good that come and go and I have no control over it. It was always a very primal experience; a real rebirth for them. Does it cause me cognitive dissonance because of some difference in my beliefs? No, because I never accredited myself with much in the way of such abilities. I believe my 5 senses, not stupid theological explanations. At least psychological problems could be understood in time, and the more you know, the better you get at it.
I have always strongly disliked preachers who do manipulative tricks to get people to "accept the Lord."
Bullshit. If God is ever to become real to them, they must see it as supernatural in someway or another. For some it is merely a paradigm shift, I don't claim to understand all of the human mind. Or God. I just be natural and tell jokes and make new friends, and that's most of what I do.
As a result I can watch a person (especially a pastor) for a few minutes in action and usually tell if they are fake or not. Mostly they just think they have to "help along" the Holy Spirit. I used to picture in my mind the Holy Spirit going, "Oye vey" and was gone.
If you are a Christian, take off the god hand puppets, please. Hundreds of thousands of JW kids and rejects and adults need ordinary help from ordinary humans who have the ability to help them. We are going to allow them to keep their gods, and learn. it is not my work or the work of Freeminds to convert anyone to any religion. It is not my job, nor was it ever.
I like it that way.
Randy
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ziddina
"Lots of good advice there, Zid...." Desirous of Change
Thanks, DOC...
Y'know what I wish I could REALLY do?? I wish I could set up some sort of "emergency" half-way house for JW teens/children who've been evicted from their parents' homes...
With: safe bedrooms to sleep in; a decent kitchen; funds for further schooling; a computer research center to find and contact non-JW relatives that they might have, who have been estranged from the children for most or all of their lives; and of course LOTS of counseling - help them to get past the horrible, painful rejection that they've been put thru...
Ah, if only I were as rich as Bill Gates... Or J.K. Rowling....
[edited] Yeah, I hit "enter" before I saw Dogpatch's entry...