Memorial - Why do i keep going?

by maisha 48 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

• 

  maisha

  Every year i attend, missing only 5 in 50 years.

  I do not attend meetings nor active in anyway, My family shun me,(all devote believers) but i do feel drawn to attend each year. I am out for sure, but i no longer have faith, or a belief in any religous body as being approved by GOD.

  I am so screwed up now i not sure if i believe in a Creator!, let alone who or what that may be.

  I was born into the truth, married into the truth and my ex is devote.

  I could NEVER return to the CULT now seeing it for what it is.

  I served, donated, slaved for years happy to do so as has all my family.

  I went out of my way to get DF, sort of a wanting to die act, of rejecting the society.

  I used to sit in a movie in my youth and think, wow i am so lucky, all these people are going to die and i will live forever.

  Even just typing this gives release to my emotions,, lol,,, yea i have many emotions,,, many regrets, Basically the organisation i followed and the instructions destroyed my life in every possible way.

  The power plays that i witnessed within are what first woke me up,,,at first i let it go, forgiving those involved as brothers do. but again and again power and position is and was the thing to have, you got the power you got everything. Other Elders Blatantly lying in a JCM, asking depely intimate sexual questions of people, it just got to the point i had had enough. How could i preach and teach others when i knew in my heart things were not true!. I couldnt.

  But i still attend the memorial,,,, for the life of me i cannot answer why i do!.

  Am I CRAZY?.....
• 

  leavingwt

  Have you read Steve Hassan's first book?

  I think you'll enjoy it.

  It's normal to have irrational fears and phobias, when exiting a high-control group. In this case, it sounds like you have an irrational fear of missing an event which you once believed to be of great importance.
• 

  maisha

  No i havent , will check him out,, cheers

  maybe 2012 should be the year i say NO...
• 

  blond-moment

  The free food?
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  Pams girl

  Maisha, surely if you are contemplating NOT going, your inner voice is trying to tell you something? Listen to your heart, it wont let you down.

  Nothing bad is going to happen if you dont go. As previously mentioned, maybe start reading and researching for yourself. You are already being shunned.....why not use this time to build-up your self-confidence and self-esteem.......if you feel the need to read the bible, try other versions, not just the WTBTS version.

  You need to start to think for yourself, which is hard, I know, without the fear of reprisals about what others think of you, how they treat you. . Little steps will get you there. Keep posting here. Nice to talk to you.

  Paula
• 

  mrsjones5

  Fear.

  I don't think you're crazy either. I attended my last memorial in 1989, saw it for the joke that it is and ne'er went back. Maybe it's time to make that move?
• 

  WTWizard

  I still remember the first year I missed the Supreme Boasting Session. I bought a Ouija board that day instead of going. If I am going to reject Jesus, I might as well do it from home.

  There are different ways to do this. If you are still leaning toward Christianity, you can do it at home. The crackers are simple--use organic whole wheat flour and water (preferably water that has not been fluoridated). No leavening agents of any kind. Mix the flour and water--you should be able to make balls out of it that neither crumble nor are soggy. These balls should be made about 3 cm in diameter, and then flattened. Bake until crisp, using parchment paper to prevent sticking. For the wine, any unadulterated red wine (or grape juice, if you prefer not to drink alcohol) is fine. Do this in the presence of a small group, so everyone can observe everyone else partaking. If you so desire, looking at the scriptures from your favorite Bible translation and praying in the small group will do nicely.

  If you are no longer seeking Christianity, you simply skip the whole thing. You can then watch your favorite sport on TV, a movie, or read a good book. You can also get pizza and beer (or soda, water, or whatever you prefer) in lieu of bread and wine. You can simply work that evening, or sleep in, or do whatever you see fit. Even playing with a Ouija board, if you choose.
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  Stealth

  The memorial was the last meeting I ever attended. I don't get invites anymore. What is the date for it this year?
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  Pams girl

  I think I read somewhere on here it was April 5th Stealth.....but dont quote me on that
• 

  dog is god

  Well, I went to memorial for a few years. When I realized that the organization had nothing for me but to sit and watch if maybe someone did partake....according to the WT...it is useless waste of time. If you go it's as if there is a game going on, the partakers watch the game having crackers and red wine. you don't see the game but you just sit quietly and watch those watching it. You are not invited to play or watch. Why go?