I am 18...My mother has been studying the Bible with jw's for over 20 years now. She has never been baptised for various reasons.She wasn't married at the time to my abusive and drunkard father...When she started studying she got married to him--then she left him 4 years after.Since then almost everywhere we moved mommy was approached by the jw's and she regularly had discussions with them .
When we bought our current home and the jw's appproached us 3 years ago,mommy was working day and night and so she told them to study with me.The next sunday we started going to meetings...ALL THE MEETINGS...i became a publisher in 4 months and was baptised 8 months after...i was told by everyone that i was progressing well...because of my mom's hectic work schedule ( single mother 4) we never had a close relationship so i immediately became really close to my study conductor...i was taught that religion and the people at the kh had to take precedence over any family members especially those who were a part of the world..from then on i never went to any family gatherings,concerts and i began to 'look down' on my mother.After all her heart condition wasn't right--why wasn't she baptised? Our relationship plunged---i even told her that i wanted to leave this house...she knew that i felt closer to my study conductor and so she tried to start back her study and get baptised....again she was dating someone and contemplating marriage with him but my study conductor kept on drilling into her head 'marry only in the lord'. she got tired and gave up...while I stopped talking to friends that i'd had all my life.i changed the way i dressed,the way i tlked...i stopped listening to music that i loved. before i started studying i was really close with a young man whose parents were witnesses. After i got baptised i put sooo much pressure on him to get baptised and go meetings or else i can't be his...he kept on telling me that he has many unanswered question about the org...i didn't care...it was like this-----get baptised or GET OUT OF MY LIFE!! even though he was my closest friend ,helped me through all of my stuggles, my victories, my EVERYTHING...He was my friend even before i was baptised or ever had any intentions too....well he didn't get baptised and so i stopped talking to him.
All of this was favourable in the eyes of my 'bros and sis'. One year after i was baptised i was a regular pioneer. I really thought that JAH was happy with what i was doing.However, my relationship with my mother and siblings continuedd to decline...There were times when i felt happy but more often than not i felt shackled...when reading about the Pharisees i would beg for forgiveness because i ALWAYS saw the similarity with God's organization...i saw how different people were treated differently...i felt it...i was given respect while my mother was given none...i felt how persons felt that they can't speak about certain things ---the fear...i had questions but i couldn't voice them..if we are the happy people WHY AREN'T WE HAPPY? i missed my friends...i felt as if i was only liked because of the outward appearance that they saw...
I would watch how the kids who grew up as jw's were all leaving and i wondered why? if it's the truth then why? i had many questions but i would always tell myself 'it's Jah org,everything will be right in his time'. I always wondered i we were no longer under law but love now, then why was the truth so strict and left hardly any room for conscience.I had many,many questions.
Things hit the fan when i realised that 'jehovah' would not be happy with me if i decided to pursue a 4 year degree to support myself...What is so wrong with it...so i stumbled upon jw.net....read,read,read....read Coc, reading christian freedom but more importantly reading the BIBLE...getting to know the real Jehovah and the real Jesus...i am convinced that this isn't God's org...i willl tell you why and what i intend to do in another post.