FLOOD ALERT!
(001) If your reaction to someone wearing a Cross is the same as a vampire's, you might be a JW.
(002) If you think demons can reduce their size to fit in jewelry, furniture, books, or into blue smurfs, you might be a JW.
(003) If you equate the numbers 1 to 5 with hours on a time slip, you might be a JW (just not a very good one).
(004) If you feel that death is much more important than birth, you might be a JW.
(005) If you think that all R-rated movies are not worth seeing, you might be a JW.
(006) If you think that all men with beards and long hair are not acceptable, you might be a JW.
(007) If you think that Circuit Overseers do not receive a salary, you are a JW.
(008) If you think Circuit and District Overseers stay in cheap hotels or the drafty homes of common neighborhood folk during conventions, you are a JW.
(009) If you think Jesus hasn't accomplished much of anything for the past 86 years, you aren't the only JW who does.
(010) If you think JW's are not a cult, you are a pitiful JW.
(011) If you think the Watchtower is not capable of mind control, you are a JW.
(012) If you think field service is other than working in the corn fields, you might be a JW.
(013) If you think elders are other than elderly people, you might be a JW.
(014) If the newspaper headlines read: "All humans on earth are smashed, and destroyed on Christmas day. Only JW's survive!!" and this would bring joy to your heart, you'd be a JW.
(015) If you have constant pain in your right shoulder and can't unclasp your right hand, you probably have bookbagitis, a disease unique to JWs.
(016) If you can't have a conversation with another human being without hearing a voice in your head saying, "CONVERT HIM OR DIE!", you are probably a JW.
(017) If you are a male and sitting in a Kingdom Hall when a very good looking young lady comes in in a miniskirt, and your first thought is, "How immodest that sister is!" rather than, "Oh Thank God!", then most likely you are a JW.
(018) If you eat turkey on Thanksgiving and feel guilty about it but insist that it is only because they were "on sale", you are a JW.
(019) If you have costume parties for the "young ones" within a month of Halloween, and, if you wrap presents in brown paper to give each other on "Family Gift Day", you are not only a JW, but a Worldly Wannabe and aren't fooling anybody.
(020) If you have awful dreams about getting caught holding someone else's cigarette and no one will believe you that it's not yours, you're probably a JW.
(021) If you can't buy a pair of shoes without thinking about how comfortable they will need to be while walking down residential streets in 95 degree heat, then you're a JW.
(022) If you just bought a dress that comes down to your mid calf that has puffy sleeves, a collar that button to your chin and lace trim, then you are a JW with a part on an Assembly. You might even be thinking about wearing makeup for the occasion.
(023) If you have a child that is 3 years old that sits quietly for hours at a time while adults discuss mind numbingly boring topics around him, and you brag about him to all your friends... you might as well get a saddle for him and ride him because you broke his spirit and he is no longer a child. And you might be a Jehovah's Witness.
(024) If you allow an organization to take the place of Christ, you are most likely a JW.
(025) If you think of an ark as an organization, you must be a JW.
(026) If you believe that God ignored everyone for nearly 2,000 years, then suddenly gave His truth to a man who sat around drawing pictures and plans of pyramids, you must be a JW.
(027) If you can't pick up a book, or anything else to read, without picking up something to underline with also, you might be a JW.
(028) If you insist in calling the New Testament the Greek Scriptures, you might be a JW.
(029) If you treat all people wearing crosses like they're idiots, you might be a JW.
(030) If you have a tendency to justify lying, cheating and stealing if you do it yourself, you might be a JW.
(031) If when you drive by a church building you suddenly feel all smug and superior, you might be a JW.
(032) If when you drive by a Kingdom Hall you suddenly feel all warm and fuzzy, you might be a JW or drunk, or both.
(033) If you feel you have a great wealth of Bible knowledge, you might be a JW.
(034) If you're sure your neighbors are all conspiring against you, you might be a JW.
(035) If you've spent days at a baseball stadium and never saw a ball and didn't even have a beer, you might be a JW.
(036) If you possess the ability to sing loudly and proudly even if you're tone deaf, you might be a JW.
(037) If the only verse you can quote from memory is Psalms 83:18, you might be a JW.
(038) If you're afraid of someone seeing you with a beer in your hand, you might be a JW.
(039) If you're always afraid someone might see and hear you when you're finally just being "normal", you might be a JW.
(040) If most of the songs you sing have numbers for titles, you might be a JW.
(041) If the first names of most of your best friends are either "brother" or "sister", you might be a JW.
(042) If you've never watched Friends or Sienfeld, you might be a JW.
(043) If your church is a "hall" and a sermon is a "public talk", you might be a JW.
(044) If you wash cars or windows for a living but still own five suits, you might be a JW.
(045) If you've never worn comfortable clothes in your life, you might have been a JW, from birth.
(046) If you can have a Bible study without a Bible, you might be a JW.
(047) If you're 25 years old and have never kissed anyone but your mom, you might be a JW.
(048) If you go to New York for the weekend and spend the whole day in a publishing factory in Brooklyn, you might be a JW.
(049) If the words "New Light" do not remind you of the hardware section at K-Mart, you might be a JW.
(050) If you think morning coffee break is a perfect time to preach to someone, you may be a JW.
(051) If you think that service to God can be measured in hours, you might be a JW.
(052) If you think men are superior to women, you may be a JW.
(053) If you think sex is a yucky thing you must endure, you may be a female JW.
(054) If you think you're entitled to having sex regardless of what you wife: thinks, says, or how she feels, you might be a male JW.
(055) If you think it's unfaithful to God to get an education or get a good paying job, you might be a JW.
(056) If you check the Watchtower Index every time you have a question about anything, you might be a JW.
(057) If you find out your co-worker's mother died, and your first thought is not, "Oh, how awful", but, "This is a great opportunity to talk about the Kingdom!"... you might be a JW.
(058) If you think a Buick is a spiritually superior automobile...you might be a JW (Or you might be right):)
(059) If the thought of entering a Christian Book Store sends shivers up and down your spine, you might be a JW.
(060) If you expect to receive Christmas presents but not to give them, you might be a JW.
(061) If hearing the term "Governing Body" causes you to become awestruck, you might be a JW.
(062) If you think the term "pioneer" refers to someone other than Davey Crockett, you might be a JW.
(063) If you think of window washing as a career move, you might be a JW.
(064) If you think attending 5 meetings a week is a delightful spiritual experience, you might be a JW.
(065) If you think Santa is another word for Satan and the elves are demons, you might be a JW.
(066) -lost-
(067) If you feel weak in the knees when you hear the term "apostate", you might be a JW.
(068) If you think your "mother" lives in New York City, you might be a JW.
(069) If you think all four door vehicles are "witness wagons", you might be a JW.
(070) If you feel guilty for having natural desires, you might be a JW.
(071) If you think 1914 is the year to end all years, you might be a JW.
(072) If you think YOU conjectured the year 1975 (as the year the end would come, instead of the Society), you might be a JW.
(073) If your closet if full of cheap polyester suits, you might be a JW.
(074) If you never owned a Christmas tree, you might be a JW.
(075) If you think the sound of a door slamming shut is Christian persecution, you might be a JW.
(076) -lost-
(077) -lost-
(078) If you think Russell, Rutherford, and Franz are gods in heaven, you might be a JW.
(079) If you have a tendency to refer to books by color instead of by title...You might be a JW.
(080) If you read all these, and didn't allow yourself to laugh... you're definitely a JW.
(081) If you hear "Along the Watchtower" by Jimi Hendrix or "Walk of Life" by Dire Straits and you feel spiritually refreshed, you might be a JW.
(082) If you think the New World Translation is the least biased and most accurate translation, you might be a JW.
(083) If you think it took 1,935 years to get 144,000 true Christians, you might be a JW.
(084) If you think 1799 is the start of the last days, 1874 is when Christ returned, and 1914 is the conclusion of Armageddon, you might be a very old, disfellowshipped JW.
(085) If you think "The Finished Mystery" which was released in 1917 was "meat in due season", you might be a JW who has never read the book.
(086) If you think the "Should You Believe in the Trinity" brochure is nothing but honest and accurate information, you might be a JW.
(087) If you think the destruction of Jerusalem occurring in 607 BCE is soundly supported by historical evidence, you might be a JW.
(088) If you think "Jehovah" was in the original writings of the New Testament, you might be a JW.
(089) If the Bible makes a statement and the Watchtower says, "Logically, this cannot mean what it says" and you believe the Watchtower is correct, you might be a JW.
(090) If you view cleaning up a messy backyard as practice for working in the New Order, you might be a JW.
(091) If Gospel music makes you cringe, but secular music makes you feel good, you might be a JW.
(092) If you believe there was a Governing Body before 1971, you might be a JW.
(093) If you watch "Oprah" and you see the people who pass the microphones and it reminds you of a meeting, you might be a JW.
(094) If you believe that New Light that becomes Old Light and then becomes New Light again is God's way of doing things, you might be a JW.
(095) If you think the Watchtower was preaching the truth in the years 1914-1919, you are definitely a JW.
(096) If you go to "Home Depot" and go down the aisle where the doors for homes are displayed, and you feel the urge to knock on them, you might be a JW.
(097) If the "ding-dong" sound on the Avon commercials gets you excited, you might be a JW.
(098) If going to 7-11 is something to look forward to, you might be a JW in field service.
(099) If you have no construction skills and you still go to all the nearby quick-build Kingdom Hall projects, you might be a JW trying to get out of field service.
(100) If the Watchtower Society used to preach a certain teaching years ago and you deny they ever did, you are a good JW.
The earlier in the forenoon you take the sun bath, the greater will be the beneficial effect, because you get more of the ultra-violet rays, which are healing. - The Golden Age