For a few years after falling away, I would still go to the Memorial out of respect for Christ, until I actualy looked at John chapter 6 and what it actualy states from Jesus own lips.
So since then, I hold my own memorial where I eat and drink the emblems, not because Iam annointed, because it states everybody must else they will not get everlasting life.
I now feel somewhat guilty of all the times I said no to Jesus sacrifice, I have read that its a Satanic ritual to refuse the emblems.