Divorce and Separation-2/8/02 Awake! (page 2)

morrisamb

This issue is one of perhaps 2-3 reasons I had the big shipwreck of faith in '85.
I remember I was driving a car with three Witness sisters going door to door (although I am male, I certainly had a feminist streak in me even then)... I said, "If a woman is hit by her husband, she should leave him the first time...because you just know, there'll be a second.
A 30-something sister in the back seat, certainly no lily, replied, "Absolutely not! Only on the grounds of fornication." Now she was married to an unbeliever raising 3 kids. (Her husband was a great guy)
It was one of those EF Hutton Momments: everyone was silent..but for me it had much greater meaning...It seemed so un-Christlike, so cold, robotic and not the truth.

Mister Biggs

NameWithheld-

That's what I believe, too. When I recently informed my wife
that I was having doubts, she said, "I am not leaving Jehovah
for anyone!"
I believe that the journey has begun for the end of my marriage
unless she takes her blinders off.
Also, you are right about the other things you mentioned
about marriages. Many immature people get married in the Org
because they are horny. Years later, they usually hate each other.

dedalus

Many immature people get married in the Org because they are horny. Years later, they usually hate each other.

And, given everything we've been discussing here, do you know what many of them do to get out of their hateful marriages? Commit fornication!

It's happened with several young couples in my area, and it's a deliberate plan: commit fornication, get disfellowshipped, get divorced, get reinstated, get remarried to someone else.

Dedalus

Mister Biggs

morrisamb-

The thing is, to whom can an abused spouse turn? I assume
that the husband (or abuser, in most abuse cases) has
some kind of connection or good rapport with an elder or
the elder body OR he may even be an elder himself.
I know if I was getting abused (as a woman) I wouldn't
want go to his elder friends. You know once she tells
they're going to try to "help" the husband. Then, he
may go into a rage later that night.

zev

commit fornication, get disfellowshipped, get divorced, get reinstated, get remarried to someone else.

i've seen it to lots of times. and it leaves me wondering, with this question.....

why go through all that torture to get reinstated? whats the point?
once your out, why not stay out? i don't understand the logic.

-Zev
Learn about the Wtbts and the U.N.
** http://www.geocities.com/plowbitch69 **

Mister Biggs

zev-

They probably believe it's the truth, they just want a new mate.

NameWithheld

Mister Biggs: You got that right on - hit the nail on the head. Same reason so many battered women don't go to the cops either, but at least the cops will get you out of the house and into a shelter. The elders will say "Wait on Jah" and then go to the husband and tell him to get his errant wife 'under control'. Seen THAT a few too many times.

Zev, ditto. One congo I was in, these 2 couples basically wife swapped - 2 or 3 of them getting DF'ed, swap wifes, then all reinstated a few months later. Shuffle the (many) kids around, and you have one big happy family again! What a f*cked up system ....

Fornication is actually a pretty easy way out of a bad marrage - then you can get back in in less than a year most times. Elders don't seem to mind sex too much - now, smoke a cig or question the org and you're out for good, but sex is semi-OK ... just don't throw any oral into the mix !

Will Power

spiritual endangerment.
Not being a witness, I read this to be taken as when one in the family is converted and the other does not approve and creates trouble, you should get out, and try and take the kids with you!.
Most unsuspecting unbelievers fall right into this trap and before you know it you've lost your family.

morrisamb

Mr. Biggs, totally agree.
My mother was an abused Catholic wife, then an abused Witness wife (same husband) and she never 'told' anyone...we children witnessed it and when we got old enough, we took her out-when I was 15! ('76...she'd still be living with him, if we hadn't)That's the real world.
My story is too complex to go into here, but in hindsight, I have learned that at any point in our time with this abusive man, if we had not "obeyed our Father" as the Witnesses command, had we turned to the worldly authorities/neighbours (read: anyone but a Witness), at the very least we would have been TAKING CONTROL OF OUR DESTINY. It doesn't mean everything would have turned out wonderfully but at the very least we would have been doing something to help ourselves instead of waiting for God's Kingdom to make it better.

Lady Lee

The above quote is not anything new - not at all. 15-20 years ago when I was in a really bad marriage to an elder we actually did separate for a while. This was not encouraged and we did keep it hidden for a while. It didn't work of course. He thought separated meant that we just live apart but since we were still married he had a right to his "due" and could come over for sex whenever he wanted it.

I was so depressed after years of living with this man - in silence because I knew the other elders would side with him and remind me of my wifely responsibilities. Ugh shudder.

I was very suicidal but realized I did not want to die. I just wanted out of this terribly abusive marriage. I knew that even if we got a divorce - no matter how unscriptural I would never be free from him. He would always consider me to be his property no matter what the law said.

So yes I committed adultery to be free and to live.

I can relate to people who do go back though. I even considered it at one point about five years after I was DFed. For me the idea of going back though was more about losing family and friends and finding a way to get some of that back.

I would never have committed adultery just to be free and go back. In my case the incident turned into a rape and I felt totally degraded by the experience and by doing something that went so far past what I believed was ethical. My conscience ached with the ugliness of it. But I got my freedom.

Another aspect for me was the guilt trip of separating and his threats to commit adultery and then it being my fault = blood-guilt. I guess I thought that if I was going to be guilty of something I might as well be the one to actually do it.

Rejoice in the healing and not in the pain.
Rejoice in the challenge overcome and not in the past hurts.
Rejoice in the present - full of love and joy.
Rejoice in the future for it is filled with new horizons yet to be explored. - Lee Marsh 2002

Divorce and Separation-2/8/02 Awake!

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