Please help me with this "poetry" - my english are very poor!

by thomyorke 15 Replies latest social entertainment

thomyorke

My colleague take a part in some contest of stories.
She wrote a silly story about her and her best friend (girlfriend?)...))
It will goes to worldwide 'experts'...Who dont speak english very well, cause they are from South Korea.
Anyway... There is a story.
If you can fix and adjust it into a beautiful english, i'll be happy!!!
(Don't mind she is crazy... She is just a lonely 34-year old woman, owner of a two dogs...)
_______________________________________________________________________
"Friends can not be much. This is purely my personal opinion.
But I know some who can share such point of view.
After all, we both have just one heart, and we can not tear it up into several "friends".
My heart is full, friendly, and always belongs to Irina.
My closest friend, the only one.
Externally, we do not too similar. And this is evident.
We had different education, our personal life is different,
as well as work activity.
I would even say that we are on different social levels of society.
But it doesn't bother us at all.
After all, the friendship is no place for stereotypes.
By the way, our friendship are last for 30 years.
It is several months younger Irina
Only 10 years ago, we began to notice that we are very similar in some aspects.
And, laughing, we begin to look more carefully at each other.
And found we are very similar internally.
You could even say that we are "spiritual twins."
We have the same hobby. We are crazy about the reading books.
I mean, we love to read. We can buy a book in any place.
We call each other "book maniac."Together we can go into "binge of a reading."
This interest had made us closer.
We always have something to discuss, and speculate about anything, share our opinion.
We have the same food preferences.
We do not using a diet, and don't like somehow make a prohibition for ourselves.
We doing what we like. We do everything our heart desires.
But, of course, respecting the limits of the law and decency.
Our tastes in music are similar.
We were attracted by the same exhibitions and performances, and we visited it.
Our characters are similar.
We both are well educated, kind, polite and positive in life.
Pessimism "kills" us. We are both moderately sociable.
We avoid some noisy companies, and prefer a quiet and peaceful dialogue with the book.
We think we a strong persons, but, in practice, we could get hurt by somebody
We do not like rudeness and arrogance. Most often we could not make a revenge.
We are not greedy, but parsimonious. We understand the humor, but not all.
We are not indifferent, and can sympathize, but rarely can provide real help.
We love to give gifts while expecting to recieve something sweet in return.
We have shown perseverance to achieve the goals
But sometimes, we become stubborn, like a rams, capricious just like children,
and too selfish in our intentions.
We rarely recognize and admit our mistakes,
even more rarely asking for forgiveness and forgive people.
Sometimes it can be difficult together.
It's just a temporary difficulties, but we can overcome it, easy or not.
Our friendship has been tested by time.
And not only by a time. We've been through a lot, for thirty years, and pricks of jealousy,
misunderstanding and hours of alienation, minutes of envy, seconds of embarrassment,
milliseconds of shame, moments of pride for each other,
bitter quarrels and tears of joy of reconciliation.
And fate has kept us from betrayal.
Irina is kind of person with whom is nice to remain silent
Sometimes we don't need any words to understand each other.
Just looked in friend's eyes and everything becomes clear.
Sometimes, I get the feeling that we share one pair of eyes for our sight,
hearing the world by one pair of ears, and having one heart to feel and understand.
Very often I am thankful to our destiny for giving me a chance to find out
and understand what friendship is, what it means to be a friend.
And I hope that our friendship will leave this world only with us."
N.drew

"Friends can not be much. [I think she means many] This is purely my personal opinion.
But I know some who can share such point of view.
After all, we both have just one heart, and we can not tear it up into several "friends".
My heart is full, friendly, and always belongs to Irina.
My closest friend, the only one.
Externally, we do [are] not too similar. And this is evident.
We had different education, our personal life is different,
as well as work activity.
I would even say that we are on different social levels of society.
But it doesn't bother us at all.
After all, the friendship is no place for stereotypes.
By the way, our friendship are last[ed] for 30 years.
It is several months younger Irina
Only 10 years ago, we began to notice that we are very similar in some aspects.
And, laughing, we begin to look more carefully at each other.
And found we are very similar internally.
You could even say that we are "spiritual twins."
We have the same hobby. We are crazy about the reading [of] books.
I mean, we love to read. We can buy a book in any place.
We call each other "book maniac." Together we can go into "a binge of Xreading."
This interest had made us closer.
We always have something to discuss, and speculate about anything, share [ing] our opinion[s].
We have the same food preferences.
We do not using [use] a diet, and don't like somehow make [ing] X prohibition[s] for ourselves.
We [are]doing what we like. We do everything our heart desires.
But, of course, respecting the limits of the law and decency.
Our tastes in music are similar.
We were [are] attracted by the same exhibitions and performances, and we visited it. [visit them]
Our characters are similar.
We both are well educated, kind, polite and positive in life.
Pessimism "kills" us. We are both moderately sociable.
We avoid some noisy companies, and prefer a quiet and peaceful dialogue with the [a] book.
We think we are strong persons, but, in practice, we could get hurt by somebody.
We do not like rudeness and arrogance. Most often we could [can] not make X revenge.
We are not greedy, but parsimonious. We understand the humor, but not all.
We are not indifferent, and can sympathize, but rarely can provide real help.
We love to give gifts while expecting to recieve something sweet in return.
We have shown perseverance to achieve the goals
But sometimes, we become stubborn, likeXrams, capricious just like children,
and too selfish in our intentions.
We rarely recognize and admit our mistakes,
even more rarely asking for forgiveness and forgive people.
Sometimes it can be difficult together.
It's just X temporary difficulties, but we can overcome it [them], easy or not.
Our friendship has been tested by time.
And not only by a time. We've been through a lot, for thirty years, and pricks of jealousy,
misunderstanding and hours of alienation, minutes of envy, seconds of embarrassment,
milliseconds of shame, moments of pride for each other,
bitter quarrels and tears of joy of reconciliation.
And fate has kept us from betrayal.
Irina is kind of person with whom [it] is nice to remain silent
Sometimes we don't need any words to understand each other.
Just lookeding into friend's eyes and everything becomes clear.
Sometimes, I get the feeling that we share one pair of eyes for our sight,
hearing the world by one pair of ears, and having one heart to feel and understand.
Very often I am thankful to our destiny for giving me a chance to find out
and understand what friendship is, what it means to be a friend.
And I hope that our friendship will leave this world only with us "
N.drew

I like it. It is sweet and profound.
I made some corrections in grammar. Please know I am not an authority and my English (I have heard many times) is not so good.
thomyorke

Thanks a lot!
You did a very good job)
I'll be a hero in her eyes))
N.drew

Your welcome thomyorke.
I might have missed a lot but here is one I know I missed:
This interest had has made us closer
I think it is good prose. I have read it a few times and I enjoy it each time I read it!
N.drew

receive e comes before i in receive. "i before e except after c" but not always.
N.drew

There are many good writers on JWN. Hm... I wonder where they are?
compound complex

Welcome, Thomyorke, to the forum!
Nice work. Apart from the necessary alterations made by N. Drew, I observe that you have an unusually clear grasp of punctuation usage. I rarely see commas, in particular, so expertly placed.
Of course, content is what matters!
Please stay with it.
CoCo
compound complex

Our friendship has been tested by time.
And not only by a time.
thomyorke

Hi, everyone!
Once again i would like you to examine my english...))
So, one of my friends from our russian 'Ex-JW Rehabilitation center' wrote a little speech. And he will use it on coming weekend, at the time when he will visit some anti-cult convention in Serbia.
He asked me to check this material to adjust some mistakes...
But i guess, i am little bit "blind" in doing this...
So, here it is:
" This report focuses on the Jehovah's Witnesses - pseudochristian sect, whose work spans more than 230 countries, and the number exceeds seven million adherents. Jehovah's Witnesses are widespread and worldwide fame through his active missionary work. While Witnesses are identify themselves as Christians, this confession, denies the fundamental doctrines of Christianity - the Trinity and the Incarnation of God. Witnesses categorically disagree with the fact that their movement is totalitarian and destructive. As a former member of the cult for the past ten years, I will try to analyze the ideology of the active religious groups in order to detect signs of guruizm.
Jehovah's Witnesses sincerely believe that their organization - this is not an authoritarian sect. They strongly emphasize that the head of their organization is not worth the personal leader - a guru who claims to has a divine revelation. Yes, now they are directed by the Governing Body, consisting of ten equal members belonging to the chosen remnant anointed of God. But do not jump to conclusions. The organization of Jehovah's Witnesses did the classic path of evolution guruizm. As we know, many sects fail after the gurus death, and if not, then either they have an heir to the guru, or the organization itself takes on its role. The motion of the witnesses did a step by step all these stages.
The founder and first president of the Watchtower Society, pastor Charles Russell, during his lifetime was considered by most people "faithful and discreet slave" whom the Lord has placed over the entire estate. Russell was estimated as the mouthpiece - the tool that God used to restore lost Bible truths. He had an incredible reputation in the eyes of the Bible Students (as Jehovah's Witnesses were then known). He was the author of all false personal prophecy and interpretation of the Bible, which were perceived by Witnesses as a divine.
After the death of pastor Russell came to power by capture a lawyer, Joseph Rutherford, powerful and tough man. Actually, it was Rutherford laid the authoritarian image of the organization. He personally supervised by the Organization. All false prophecies and theological revelation 20s - the 30s were his own fabrications. All administrative and theological decisions are made directly by Rutherford. It was during his reign were laid all the features of this sectarian movement.
After the death of Rutherford, up to the 70s, the sole leadership over Organization had Nathan Knorr - the third president of the Watchtower Society. The last word has always been behind him. His right hand was the chief ideologue of the organization - Frederick Franz, the one that worked on the creation of its own translation of the Bible under the name "New World".
It was only in 1976 management of the organization launched a collegial governing body. From now on, all questions were settled by vote, not the sole decision of the president of the Watchtower Society. Ordinary witnesses are accustomed to think, it always has been. However, this is completely wrong.
As noted by Raymond Franz a former member of the Governing Body of in his book "Crisis of Conscience," a reform gave a lot of hope. However, in essence an authoritarian management style was not overcome. In fact the power of one man was transferred to a group of people, obediently continued to rate of the general lines laid by Rutherford. According to the teachings of Organization the members of the Governing Council are agents of a progressive understanding of divine revelation and the true interpreters of God's will. To go against them - it means to go against God. All things which are coming from the Governing Body the common witnesses perceive as given by God himself. This Body is representative of the collective "faithful and discreet slave", which is used by Christ, to spiritual nourish their ministers. Jehovah's Witnesses are based on speculative interpretations of biblical texts and chronological computations, claim that God chose them in 1919 as its people and leadership of the Organization has given the duty to organize the world preaching to gather those who will be saved at Armageddon. Consequently, personal salvation is possible only in close connection with the management of the Organization.
Consider the specific examples of manipulation of life of millions of Jehovah's Witnesses:
Blood transfusion. As it known Jehovah's Witnesses believe blood transfusion is a heavy sin. This prohibition they base on the interpretation of the biblical commandments are not eating the blood. The witnesses can not agree on the major components of blood transfusion: plasma, red blood cells, platelets and white blood cells. However, they may agree to a smaller fraction of blood. I must say that many witnesses did not understand neither the ban nor the ongoing differentiation of blood into components. In addition, some procedures are considered unacceptable to blood (for example, its fence to return), while others are resolved (for example, blood sampling for cleaning without disturbing the return channel of circulation). However, unshakable faith in the Governing Body, in some cases makes the obedient witnesses suicide. If today's "anointed" decide that blood transfusions is acceptable - all witnesses dutifully agree with this and it will pour.
Alternative service. Until 1996, the leadership of Organization considered the alternative non-military service is unacceptable for a Christian. The alternative was seen as compromising with the government. The reasoning behind this situation lie in the fact that since this service replaces the military, it takes the place that replaces and (in agreement with this argument), respectively, is the same. As a result of this scholastic position all young witnesses for refusing to serve in the army and even the alternative service were sent to prison. Moreover, many witnesses did not understand this position. However, in 1996, management changed its position and torture of witnesses ceased.
Disfellowshipment. Leaders of Organization teach that witnesses can not communicate with those who have been expelled from the Organization. In the case of excommunication a close relative, not living under one roof, all contact with him should be kept to a minimum. As a result of these rules, thousands of people have lost family and close family relationships. For many, this was a true tragedy. Attitudes imposed to ordinary witnesses, so deeply into their minds that are stronger than even parental affection for children.
High Education. The leaders of Organization never approved study at higher education institutions. Today, education is strongly discouraged. As a result of such a position a lot of young witnesses have lost access to education. In consequence, many witnesses have engaged in low-wage labor, which leads to financial difficulties, unsettled in life, depression.
The family and children. The leaders of Organization has always called for young ministers not to think about the children. Because we live in the past few days, kids - this is a distraction from the preaching ministry. As a result of such appeals, many witnesses were either unmarried, because make a family need with fellow believers, or childless. They met old age alone. Because of this situation a depression are particularly vulnerable single women.
Jehovah's Witnesses are charmed by ideas of divine earth channel through which God guides his people. For example, all print publications and official letters of Watchtower Society has always anonymous. None of the witnesses did not know the real authors of magazines, but at the same time, definitely trust their contents. This is done by competent and veiled indoctrination. In the case of this organization, we are dealing with a collective guru, who turns out to be a mediator between the believer and God. Witnesses believe that they are free. But they implicitly trust the leadership of Brooklyn, and will welcome any new provision or change of dogma. Sectarian consciousness does not take even obvious facts, such as false prophecy about the end of the light from their leaders. In this case they will certainly say that the apostles were wrong, too, and that leadership was driven by the best motives.
The only way to help Jehovah's Witnesses get rid of this dependence - is to show him basing on the facts that the claim of leadership in the chosenness is true speculation. The creation, development and management of the Organization carried out solely by the Presidents of the Watchtower Society - the true personal gurus. The doctrine of the "faithful and discreet slave" as a collective group of anointed guru, by which Jehovah works since 1919 - only a fiction. Ideology and beliefs of Jehovah's Witnesses are always controled by limited and a closed group of persons whose activities are completely not transparent to the ordinary witness. All meetings of the Governing body are held in a strictly confidential environment. The Organization still remains a collective guru for seven million obedient followers of this sect."

Please help me with this "poetry" - my english are very poor!

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